Deceptive and/or Manipulative
This is the type you need to avoid at all costs because they are either very insecure and will try anything to get a date - or they are dangerous and will try anything to get a victim. The guy I was talking to yesterday gave me two examples of this: He showed up for a date with a woman who looked NOTHING like her picture. She admitted that she had posted a photo of her daughter because if she didn't she would not get any dates. Another woman said she was a non-smoker but took two "breaks” during their date to have a smoke. He caught her red-handed and she still denied it. [Midlifebachelor.com note – it is definitely bad karma to lie. Plus you cannot build any meaningful relationship on a foundation of deception. Deceit is definitely a sign of insecurity – different than some of the ones I discuss in the section on The Dangers of Insecurity – deceit is actually MUCH WORSE than the signs I outline. Anyway, if one feels the need to deceive, I’d suggest he/she read the “Attitude Adjustment/Mental Makeover 2.0 in the Midlife Bachelor Personal Makeover section.]
This person is sincere and up-front, and doesn't play dumb immature games. They are not looking for sex only. They don't misrepresent themselves. They have flaws and accept that all humans do. They are willing to take a risk - but are not desperate and don't make stupid choices.
Ok....I think that covers it. I am done with online dating sites. I am done with wanting to meet a great guy (for now). If it happens – great. If not, I’d rather sit at home with a good book.
Midlifebachelor.com Observation: I believe that Barbara wrote the above when she was feeling fairly jaded, and let down by those she has recently met online. What I told her was that being single at midlife is full of disappointments, and that one cannot take such disappointments too personally. You cannot blame someone you just met (online or otherwise) for deciding that you are not “their type” … it just is what it is. I told her she has to kiss a lot of frogs before she finds her prince … which means that there is no shame or harm in meeting people … and with each new person you meet, you are one person closer to meeting the right one. Now if you continuously find yourself hooking up with the wrong type of person over and over and over, then you might need to put some thought and energy into deciding to change your focus. In other words, you may need to spend some time thinking about who it is you are really looking to meet, and then take the necessary steps to meet her. (See Focus on Meeting the Right Type of Woman in the Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success section.)
In my mind, online dating is a great way to meet people … far better than other ways of meeting women because you actually get to read a little about them in their profiles before you decide to contact them. You cannot go up to a woman in a bar or grocery store, and ask for her profile, right? ;o) Anyway, I have a good discussion on Internet Dating here in the section of this site entitled Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success – so you might consider checking that out, and using it as input for your online dating activities.
Thanks to Barbara for allowing me to use her article here, to edit it, and to add my own comments to it.
12/9/2007 from an anonymous 45-year old woman in Austin, TX - check her feedback on the WOMAN'S VIEW page here.
Comments on this Article?
Try out our commenting feature below (added on 1/2/2010), or you can always choose to discuss this in the Midlife Forum ...