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FOUND WOMAN'S PHONE NUMBER IN HIS WALLET
DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR:
How do I confront my husband about finding a phone number with a girl's name next to it? He is self-employed and does tend to get numbers for different reasons, however he does business overseas. I don't really want him to know I looked through his wallet - I never have before, but lately he's been saying he doesn't think we are after the same goals anymore, thinks we've grown apart because of his distance twice monthly to China. Given the fact that he is saying things like this, would that give me reason to look through his wallet? Is that what I should tell him? Please help! Is my snooping justified because of what he has been talking to me about?
MIDLIFE BACHELOR ANSWER:
Hi - first of all snooping around is dangerous, as you know. People usually snoop because of either their own insecurities and/or if their intuition tells them that something is going on ... which is what happened in your case. So my first message to anyone snooping is - be careful what you wish to find ... it may be something you definitely do not like or appreciate. Snooping also yields "bad karma" - which means that it is not respectful, and that can at some point boomerang back at you in the future.

Okay - so I apologize for that lecture. The fact is - you did already snoop, and you found something questionable. If you do nothing, then this will eat at you - so I suggest that you bring this up with your husband in the most non-confrontational manner possible. Explain to him that him telling you that you both don't have common goals anymore has concerned you - and that you saw the phone number and woman's name in his wallet. If he asks you if you were snooping, you should not lie - you should own up to it ... and apologize to him for doing so ... but regardless, now you really would appreciate knowing exactly what is going on with him.

Now he could react in many different types of ways - and so you should be prepared for any scenario resulting from this conversation ... including him possibly admitting to an affair (which is worst-case). By snooping and confronting him, you are essentially forcing the issue to the center stage. Of course, it could be nothing at all, too - so like I said, there is a wide range of possible outcomes to this. In my mind, it is probably good to get anything serious out in the open, so that is why I recommend you have a discussion with him about everything.

Hopefully you found this helpful. I encourage you to consider joining our Midlife Forum here on midlifebachelor.com ... where we talk about a lot of things, including dating and midlife crisis issues. We'd be happy to have you as a member of our community. Here is a link to it:  Midlife Forum

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