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PREGNANT ONLINE DATE IS HARRASSING ME
DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR:
I met and went out three times with a 46-year old woman I met online, and I NEVER fooled around with her at all. It got close the last time we were together, but I didn't do it because I knew I didn't want to date her any more, and sleeping with her would have been wrong. I am so glad that I did the right thing by not sleeping with her because after a month or so, she started hammering my phone with calls and texts, and she emailed me a bunch of times. I had no idea what she wanted and so I simply ignored her. Finally I picked up the phone when she called and I told her that it was getting too weird, that she was stalking me and I didn't appreciate it. She started crying and
said that she was pregnant from a one-night stand she had about two weeks before she and I went out the first time - it was with an old boyfriend of hers.

Anyway, the reason she said she keeps calling and texting and emailing me was because she didn't have anyone to talk to. I told her that she should talk to the father of the child but she said he won't answer her calls. I then told her that she should discuss this with her family and she said her family would look down on her because of this, that it would be a disgrace. I then told her that she has some hard decisions to make because having a child at age 46 is extremely risky both for her and for the baby. Plus the child could have downs syndrome or other issues. Where I left it with her was that she cannot keep calling me because it just isn't appropriate and I wished her luck. Most of this was discussed in your Midlife Forum in the thread called Online Dating Question - When to Stop Emailing Other and Take Profile Down?  My question is - did I do the right thing here all the way around? Should I have done anything differently? And - is this really what online dating these days is all about because I just cannot handle this kind of drama? JEEZ.

MIDLIFE BACHELOR ANSWER:
Holy smoke - yes, I recall the discussion thread ... what you describe above is toward the end of the thread. And (as I said in the thread), you dodged a major bullet ... someone above is looking after you, and you should consider going to church and thanking the Lord for protecting you with your own good judgment! Now I'm not at all religious but such a bullet-dodge as you have experienced would probably drive me to church!

You acted absolutely appropriately in every way. You did not sleep with her on your last date with her because you did not feel it was going to last - good work! And what you told her on the phone was absolutely right on - she should be discussing her pregnancy with the father of the child first and foremost, and if he won't talk to her then her family would be the next best support mechanism (even though she thinks she cannot rely on her family for support). And - you are correct that she should not be hammering you with phone calls because you went out with her three times, and then ended it. Now it is possible (as someone in the discussion thread suggested) that she is not really pregnant and is using this issue just to get you to talk to her ... and if that is the case, then that woman is seriously messed up.

Bottom line - you acted 100 percent appropriately, and shall have good karma following you as a result.

Oh - and no, not all online dates or women overall are like what you experienced. There is an entire range of possibilities out there, and you experienced an extreme endpoint. It is a very good lesson for all though, and that is precisely why I chose to expose this question/answer here on ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR.

You should consider joining our Midlife Forum here on midlifebachelor.com ... where we talk about a lot of things, including dating and midlife crisis issues. We'd be happy to have you as a member of our community. Here is a link to it:  Midlife Forum

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