Google
 
Share |
Midlife Bachelor Header
HomeNewsMidlife Dating AdviceShort Midlife ArticlesAsk Midlife BachelorYour Midlife CrisisMidlife Health ChallengesMidlife Bachelor PollsMidlife Bachelor Discussion ForumsContact Midlife Bachelor
Woman of the Month
 ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR ... go to ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR INDEX

People write in to ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR with questions.  An index of all Q&As is located on the ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR INDEX page. Email your question in complete confidence to questions@midlifebachelor.com.

 << Previous ASK MIDLIFEBACHELOR page            Next ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR page >>

YOU ARE A BACK BURNER BOYFRIEND
DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR:
A year ago, I dated a woman named Michelle. At the time, she had left me twice in the span of about two months, to go back with an abusive boyfriend I thought she was over.

We had a lot of common interests, which is why I gave her another chance the second time she came back, before leaving again. I really wanted it to work.

Well, since then I had moved on and she has proceeded to contact me, every few months or so, emailing me to say she has "moved on" from her past relationship with him and that he moved away. It is always the same wording "move on".

I don't know what she is trying to say, but I generally ignore her emails, although I am still interested, in all honesty. I am trying to hang tough. Please let me know your perspective.

MIDLIFE BACHELOR ANSWER:
Backburner boyfriend
I think you are what I would call a "back burner boyfriend" for Michelle.  She goes to you in between whoever else she is seeing. There is nothing wrong with that - just the way she is. The ride might be fantastic - so enjoy that. But do not take her seriously as a girlfriend - because she will (more than likely) always let you down. It sounds to me like it is her nature to be constantly "moving on". So my advice is to simply enjoy the ride here and there, and keep looking for a girlfriend who will not play games with you.

Now if instead you are the type of guy who WILL let her walk all over you - then in that case, it would be best to simply ignore her emails, and "move on" yourself. Never let women have control over you. And if you are "on the rebound" or especially lonely ... then you might be subject to this. Check out this particular midlifebachelor.com article for a writeup of an extreme case of what I'm talking about, and don't be that guy:

     Don't Let Someone Walk All Over You in a Relationship

You also might ponder the following midlife bachelor article that discusses how to successfully implement a front-burner/back-burner dating strategy. To me, it doesn't sound like she ever really moved you to true front-burner status though:

     Front Burner, Back Burner Dating Strategy

You should consider joining our Midlife Forum here on midlifebachelor.com - where we discuss many issues just like this one. Either way - let me know how things go with this woman, okay?

COMMENTS?
Use our commenting feature below to share your opinion on this question or answer, or to offer your own answer, or you can always choose to discuss this in the Midlife Forum ...

comments powered by Disqus
 << Previous ASK MIDLIFEBACHELOR page            Next ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR page >>


Privacy | Terms of Service

© 2007 - 2014, midlifebachelor.com, All rights reserved.

Check out the Midlife Forum!