Reaching Midlife Bachelor Equilibrium
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Take Nothing for Granted
In addition to all the various self-awareness and personal growth components, midlife bachelor equilibrium must also harbor gratitude and appreciation elements. In other words, you cannot reach equilibrium with yourself unless you appreciate the significance of your own personal blessings – whether those blessings are people in your life, things that you have or own, your health, or attributes of your persona. This is analogous to “stopping to smell the roses” – which basically means that you should look around, and notice what’s right in your life. Things could always be worse.
Appreciate your family. Every single one of us has a priceless gift – our family. “Family” can refer to many people … your mother, your father, your children, your brothers and sisters, your aunts and uncles, plus perhaps other members of your extended family. Appreciate them all – there is no substitute in life for any of them.
If you and your wife recently split up, and are sharing custody of your children – that can be very difficult and hard on you, and on everyone. While your feelings for your wife have obviously changed, hopefully you can still maintain and grow the relationship you share with your children. All children need a father – they really only have one true father. Grow that relationship – and treasure it … because you are so lucky to have had children. I, myself, have no children – but I wish that I did have some … even if I had had them with someone who didn’t wind up being with me in the long-run. I don’t personally have too many regrets in life – but not having children is a huge regret of mine. I have dated many women who were single moms … and on those days where the ex-husband would come and pick up the kids – those days were tough. It was hard to see the guy look at me – and know that I was with his wife now. I knew the guy was thinking, “I don’t want that MF around my children.” … not because I was a bad guy, but because I was not the kid’s father. Dealing with the aftermath of a divorce where children are involved can be one of the more stressful things that any guy (midlife bachelor or ex-husband) can go through. Hopefully everyone remains calm, and keeps the best interest of the children in mind.
Outside of your children, the rest of your family is priceless for one single reason – they are your family no matter what. Sometimes we fight with our parents or our relatives – but in the end, they are always still there for us. [If they are not, then they should be.] Having lost my father roughly 2 ½ years ago, I can tell you to not take your parents for granted for one second … because the moment you are truly without them, it hurts like nothing you can ever imagine. If you are fortunate enough to still have one or both of your parents, stop reading right now – and go let them know you love them, and appreciate them. Make the call – do it while you still can. Your parents brought you into this world, and raised you – show them the appreciation they deserve.
As far as appreciating the rest of your family, you know – I’ve seen some close families, and I’ve also seen some very dysfunctional families which are the most difficult for me to understand. I’ve seen old ladies throw punches at a funeral. I’ve seen a 21-year old daughter steal things from her mother in order to have money to buy heroin. I’ve seen a guy who used to be one of my best friends throw his entire life and family away so that he could smoke methamphetamine full time. What I’m getting at here is – there certainly are limits of what can be tolerated … mutual respect and consideration have got to be primary characteristics of everyone involved for a family to stay together. Appreciate your family – and make the best of your relationship. There is good in every single person – sometimes you have to look hard to find that good, but it is there.
In the context of midlife bachelor equilibrium, appreciation for your family is one way for you to stay grounded. In other words, you have your life as a midlife bachelor, and you have your life as you live it around your family. Finding equilibrium means that you respect your family – you appreciate them, and know that in a certain sense, they represent a part of your life that is irreplaceable. Plus being good to your family is a key element of practicing good karma … which I have already discussed several times.
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