Midlife Discussion Forums

Odors Can Make a Person Instantly Unattractive

gregory — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 15:23:14 GMT

Two separate times yesterday, I encountered hot women who totally killed their hotness because of some odor.

1) Hot woman #1 works at a local store. She is typically flirty with me - and would be low-hanging fruit if I were single. I was briefly in that store yesterday, and she was bit more within my personal space than usual ... putting her hands on me while talking to me. I noticed an odor ... the smell of cigarettes on her ... and I thought to myself that this was a major turn off. In fairness, I've never noticed this before about her - so I'll be on the lookout for a secondary datapoint the next time I'm in there. I hate the smell of cigarettes ... as I am an ex-smoker from 10+ years ago.

2) Hot woman #2 works at the restaurant we went to last night. This was a younger woman in her early 30s. She looked great from a distance, and also up close ... except when she was about two feet away from me and talking to me, I noticed that her breath could probably stop a train. I don't know what the hell she had been eating earlier ... but I had to turn away.

This thread is not a question ... more of a comment or suggestion ... be mindful of your breath and the way you smell!!! Just because you don't notice an odor does not mean that other people also don't! And odors are extreme buzzkill!

GF is getting expensive!

Gforce — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 14:43:26 GMT

Having a GF during the great recession is proving to be quite costly! There�s a lot I like about my lady but, there are a few things that are giving me pause. She�s by definition, a party girl. That hasn�t been a problem but, I�m starting to get bored with visiting nightclubs on both Friday and Saturday nights when we spend weekends together. She seems to balk at most other suggestions I bring forth like, a movie and dinner. Hitting a nightclub once a month would be fine but, these places are ridiculously priced and I personally can live without the $10-20 cover charges and $10 cocktails. Especially, when its just a DJ and dancing! If there is entertainment or live music, that�s different. I guess she doesn�t care because she�s not paying but, I really have to budget for our weekends. This past weekend we went out twice and I was left with an empty feeling. I don�t think she enjoyed the clubs that much either. That scene just gets old after a while. Ofcourse, she�s already talking about where she wants to go in (2) weeks. If she would foot the bill occasionally I probably wouldn�t be complaining but, she rarely has any monetary contribution to our weekends. I really like to talk to this young lady and we can laugh about stuff until our sides hurt. We also have great sex! However, I�m feeling a little stifled by her fixation on nightclubs. It just seems to me that we would have more fun by doing a variety of activities.

I don�t want to give the wrong impression that my GF refuses to help out financially with our social outings. She is very generous and helps a lot when she has money but, she does not have money often. Like a lot of folks including myself, her overhead cost exceed her income. I�m in that situation because of my divorce and I had to take on a lot of additional expense. I would say that her financial difficulties are because she 1) picked an apartment that�s too expensive and, 2) likes to shop like she�s crazy. These issues are red flags in my book but, not quite deal killers (maybe they should be). She has shown a willingness to let me help her budget and she does accept suggestions. It just would be nice if she could carry her financial share of the relationship a little better. I�m not ready to breakup but I�m open to any opinions.

Families: What a trip

A OK — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:03:12 GMT

I had breakfast with my daughter and my dad for the Girls' birthday. She went out and my dad stopped over. We had a good hour and a half talk about many things. My brothers are still jealous of me, how close my kids were with my parents. Although we all live nearby in the same medium size city, we talk only at holidays. They did not call on me during divorce, and show no interest in my kids, so now that I am a single mom, I don't even like seeing them at holidays. I spend weekly time with my dad, but he usually sees them separately.

I feel isolated from my family since my mom succumbed to dementia. Growing up I recall holidays as being filled with complaining and crisis. I just don't care much for holiday time with my family, although I love to celebrate but do so with another family or just my kids and dad. Plenty of holidays anymore I spend with my dog and am OK with that!

Maybe it's partly this midwestern, mostly Catholic, town of conservative population. I dread having to answer any questions about this topic. Guys I have been out with seem to bring up their family network and want to know about mine. Typically I sense judgement or rejection. What is the general outlook here about people/women in my situation?

Undateable

kjmudd — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 23:23:10 GMT

There is a show that aired on VH1 yesterday...what makes a guy undateable.

Undateable

KJM

Are "Terms of Endearment" Nice or Annoying?

gregory — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 14:25:06 GMT

Do you use "terms of endearment" or "pet names"? Do you think they are nice, or are they completely annoying??? Or somewhere in between?

I admit that I am a user of "terms of endearment". I have issued pet names for most of the women in my life in the past:

Currrent girlfriend = "Angel".

Previous girlfriends had names like Pookie, Sugar, Hun (Honey), Cupcake, ... you get the idea.

Only one of my previous girlfriends ever rebelled against her "name" - she accused me of using it for ALL girlfriends so that I didn't use the wrong name accidentally. And I found that highly entertaining at the time. :)

Anyway - my questions are ... do you, yourself, call someone you are dating by a special name (term of endearment)? And if they call you by such a name, do you mind? Or are you annoyed?

Kat Von D's new BF is Jesse James - What is She Thinking???

gregory — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 14:09:18 GMT

Kat Von D is now dating Jesse James. Here are some questions:

1) What on earth could she be thinking? Why would she go out with someone who is a well-known cheater? I guess some women love bad boys regardless of anything???

2) Why is he dressed like a hoodlum? I mean - the guy is mid-40s, right? He must have more than one screw loose. The only way I'd dress like that is for Halloween.

3) Is there something attractive about massive tattoos (on women or men) that I just don't personally understand? I think they look terrible - and I live in LA. Maybe I'm just too "old school".

Quit drinking 6 months ago Sept. 1st; still with great girlfriend; lost 20lbs...

gladius — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 05:31:58 GMT

I may have been on the verge of drinking too much. Quitting wasn't easy, it was entirely my choice (no family pressure or DWI or anything) and I did much of the work myself. I only have one living, elderly relative so a support network was, unfortunately, not available. Of course, it wasn't easy (not physically or, particularly, psychologically --- especially as divorce/health issues hit me hard and put a ton of stress on me). Post my decision my relationship with my wonderful girlfriend, which we have both put much work into, may have helped me stay on the straight and narrow. Her and I are doing very well and I can hardly wait to see her this weekend! Thanks for the implicit and explicit support here from Greg and all forum members. :)

Last visited: 04-14-2010?????

misunderstood — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 03:33:11 GMT

Well, it looks like the widow thing didn't work out. We just couldn't see eye to eye on the kids and our expectations. So, Misunderstood is a true Midlife Bachelor now. Time to get my numbers up I guess. It's been a week and already made two contacts. One is recently divorced and I got her number right away but she is still too tender to actively persu so she is on the back burner for now. The other is someone I just started to warm up right before I met the widow three years ago. It appears that she is available and willing to start hanging out. I think we are going to go hiking next weekend.

It looks like I need to do some catching up with the forum. Keep your eyes peeled, I've gained a whole new perspective in the last few months. Some of it is healthy and some is synical, but all should be fun to read.

So, can anyone suggest a respectable and free dating site? Yeah, yeah, I know those two descriptions probably don't go together but I don't feel comfortable buying that type of service.

Thanks

New PartyGirl Video - Hidden Secret w/Jake Pavelka

gregory — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 00:11:31 GMT

My friend, Jennifer Dawson, just released her latest PartyGirlPlusOne video, called Party Girl Plus One Hidden Secret. It co-stars Jake Pavelka (The Bachelor ... the guy who split up with Vienna who was sooo hhhot ... and who appearing on Dancing with the Stars).

This video is interesting from a number of points-of-view. Check it out - I will explain:

Here is what I find interesting/entertaining. He picks up Jen's hair piece, and stuffs it in his crotch. That is focking weird - I like it! He also tells her about his "family fortune" ... but when she gets to his car, it is an older model American-made car ... so it appears that he embellished his implied net worth quite a bit. He also practiced a principle that I preach here called ALWAYS GO FOR IT ... by planting one on Jen at the time he thought was most opportune. The problem with that was - Jen did not seem to interpret it as hot ... she questions it. But what I really find interesting is - Jen does not insta-dump him ... there is something so normal about this guy that she appears somewhat interested. Maybe it is because he seems to know where she lives? I would have advised him NOT to say that ... because it could easily have been interpreted as stalker-esque or creepy. We shall see - during the next episode!

New GF's Attempt to Accelerate Relationship Might Mean She is Insecure

gregory — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 20:16:50 GMT

The following question just came in to ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR, and I thought instead of just me answering it, that it might be a good idea to toss it out here to the wise members of the Midlife Forum for some input:

***************
I�m dating a wonderful woman that is hot, sexy, and smart. She makes good money as well. However, she feels that after only a few months into the relationship, that we should have a complete partnership. During our discussions, I feel that what she wants is unfair due to the fact that we are still learning things about each other, such as how to argue. I feel that she nitpicks and looks for battles to have with me. She has issues about physical intimacy as well (inexperienced and doesn�t want to disappoint me). After discussions with her about her past, it seems like all of her boyfriends have left her. I really like this woman. What should I do?
***************

My initial thoughts are that he should proceed with the relationship at a pace that is comfortable to him ... and NOT let her manipulate him into moving any faster.

I'd also say that it has been my experience that any little potential flaws that you notice at the front-end of a relationship typically grow much worse over time ... because people, in general, are on their best behavior at the beginning of a new relationship. So if she nitpicks now, just wait until later! And if she has physical intimacy issues now ... then she is going to have a worse version of them later on.

It sounds to me like she is extremely INSECURE ... that is why she wants to rush into the partnership activities you mention ... and why she wants so desperately to please you sexually.

It is possible that she nitpicks you because she is overly-judgmental about HERSELF ... and that could be an early sign of "projection".

If all of her previous boyfriends have left her - you have to ask yourself why that is. There's probably a pretty good reason - she may have driven them all nuts.

All that said, if she has double D's, then keep her around for a while, and simply try to stay as non-committal as possible.

Anyone else have any advice for this gentleman???? :)

Jack Binary - Boring Switch Flipped to OFF Position

gregory — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 17:00:56 GMT

One night earlier this week, I went out for drinks with one of my long-time friends who I have known since high school. We do this maybe once every four to six weeks or so - just to catch up. Now sometimes one or the other of us brings a "guest" - a third person ... typically a man ... who at least one of us knows pretty well. This time - my friend brought this guy, Jack, along.

Now Jack is an fairly boring guy - sort of the wall flower type. Usually pretty quiet ... reserved ... UNTIL he gets some number of minimum drinks into him ... and then he seems to suddenly come alive. He becomes Mr. Charming. It's as if the wall flower part of him never existed. I've only seen this guy maybe four times EVER, and I've seen this tranformation happen exactly twice ... including last Thursday night.

So he goes from being a bump on a log (but tossing down some drinks) ... and then the next thing I know, I see him hitting on this woman at the bar ... and then ten minutes after that, he is making out with her. I was telling my friend (the one who brought Jack) that this guy is OUTSTANDING ... an unknowing practitioner of the ALWAYS GO FOR IT philosophy. Now things settled down immediately after Jack's little makeout session - and he left the bar (with this woman's number).

I guess my point is - sometimes people can really surprise you. In Jack's case, he has a "boring switch" that seems to be flipped OFF after X number of drinks. All in all, it was a fairly good show!

There is another guest who my friend brings from time-to-time ... his nickname is "fly trap", but I'll save that story for another time. Have not seen that guy in at least six months.

The REAL Challenge

A OK — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 17:37:25 GMT

Have a meet-up tonight, I think this man may actually be interested in me, myself, as an individual- not to see if I fit some preconceieved notion he has or thinks I will be. I think.

He just told me his auto-biography on the phone (a common occurance for me) and there's this thing I do where the more a guy talks, the less I talk- even tho I assume they are nervous- when I get nervous I just shut up.

Think he lied about saying he will be working out at 6 after I mentioend I was going to do that. He sounds opinionated and stubborn, not sure- it's just a first impression- but emailing this week he said some darn respectful things to me. So...

I'll still meet him- I guess, if I have to! I AM NERVOUS and JADED, tho not an anxious mess like before a few other meet-ups... yet anyhow!

Do I have to get back out there?!? I might miss House if I go out. :) Help!

Do Dogs or Cats Affect Your Dating Attitude toward Someone?

gregory — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 14:29:58 GMT

Some people are dog people. Some are cat people. Some are "no pet" people - like me.

So I was talking to one of my older neighbors - a woman who is in her mid 50s (and built like a Frigidaire). She has this pug, and the dog is pretty much her life ... she is always walking him, always taking him places, always talking about him ... it is like he is her child, or maybe her husband. I've been inside her home, and it wreaks bad - because he apparently pees inside the home when she is gone. But she isn't worried about that at all, apparently. I have another friend who has the same issue - but in his case, he has two cats that pee inside the home. Not sure if he just doesn't change the litter box, or what the litter box status is ... all I know is that both of these people's homes smell like pee - and I, personally, find that incredibly disgusting (but I am not a "pet person" either).

So back to my neighbor - periodically, I ask her, "How's your love life?" and she usually responds that she hasn't put much effort into that ... and that she needs a man who can live with her dog. I usually just give her a blank stare in response, and maybe say "uh huh" or similar. But I always think that the odds are against her finding anyone who finds living in those conditions "attractive".

Now I am unquestionably an extreme clean fanatic, so my questions to you are - are you put-off by pet odors like the ones described above? Or how do they factor in to your dating attitudes? Would you date someone with a dog? How about a dog who sleeps in the same bed as your new boyfriend or girlfriend? Same question with respect to cats. Where do you draw the line? Or do you?

Just curious.

Please Take Meetcha.com's Dating & Romance Survey

gregory — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 14:12:01 GMT

Please consider taking 5 minutes of your time, and complete Meetcha.com's online dating and romance survey. It is completely anonymous, and will help out this key partner of ours by giving them your midlife attitudes about dating and romance.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/getbackoutthere

Have a great day, and remember to keep in mind several of our midlifebachelor.com themes this week:

- ALWAYS GO FOR IT
- strike while the iron is hot
- best to have lots of cars in your parking lot
- what else?

What Women in their Mid 50s Think About Sex?

gregory — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 18:15:58 GMT

Here's the latest video from my friends, The Midlife Gals. Now I'm in my mid-40s ... and if the same issue came up around my mid-40s chick friends here in the Los Angeles area, then the dialog would be quite different ... far more filth, plus they'd probably at least partially expose themselves, and possibly produce some kind of device from their purse for a show-and-tell, etc. Maybe Texans are more reserved ... ????