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Good Reasons to Get Married?

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  • Good Reasons to Get Married?

    I occasionally get asked what are some good reasons to get married. These questions come over the top-site here, and also in person. My default answer - especially to someone of means, in their 40s or beyond is ... there is never a really good reason to get married. There are plenty of reasons NOT to get married. But here are some POTENTIAL good reasons to get married - for the general public:

    1) To start a family
    2) If the person you are marrying can raise your standard of living
    3) Love - but this should NEVER be the only reason for getting married ... NEVER ... NO NO NO!

    I cannot think of any other potentially good reasons to get married - anyone have any?

  • #2
    Not necessarily a good reason, at least not for me as I'm not religious, but there are some who do have powerful feelings regarding their faith and standing before god and declaring their love. Ymmv

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    • #3
      $$$$$$$$$$$$

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      • #4
        Originally posted by gregory View Post

        I cannot think of any other potentially good reasons to get married - anyone have any?
        Gosh, Greggers - you are hitting us hard with a tough question! And on a weekend! Well, I wracked my brain over this and could only come up with 2 possible scenarios where I'd consider marriage a wise idea:

        1) If I were one of those girls in a poverty-striken third world country and lost all my fingers in a tragic garmet industry incident and could not return to my 5-cent an hour job...yeah, then I'd maybe consider being a mail-order bride or something (thinkin' I'd give *********ion a whirl first - the fingerless-thing could prove to be an attraction)

        2)If my lover (yeah, totally hypothetical here)was very ill with a terminal disease and he wanted to die in peace knowing that his ungrateful children would never stand a chance to inherit his billions of dollars - I would maybe get married then. Not sure I could rise to the challenge of being that noble - not everyone is an Anna Nicole Smith, after all. It would depend I suppose if my love for the man was as deep as Anna's was. I'd like to think I would do the right thing, too.

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        • #5
          The only reason for me to marry again would be #2: if they could raise my standard of living. But, I'd have to love that person too. I could never marry someone if I didn't have feelings and wasn't attracted to them. I just can't see myself legalizing anything unless there was some benefit to it. Otherwise, if I'm lucky to find a partner, it's gonna have to be living together.

          Last November I went out on a date arranged by my sister and brother-in-law (they were there too)...with a millionaire....oh no, I don't mean a paltry couple of millions....I'm talking hundreds of millions....nice guy, obviously very smart and according to sis and bro....he talked more on our dinner date than they have ever seen him talk before....BUT, I was not attracted to him...he was much shorter than me, he wasn't ugly, but he wasn't good looking either, and I just wasn't feeling it. Now realize, my sis, my bro-in-law, my mom, and my aunt were so counting that there would be a connection, because they knew that it would completely change my life and that of my kids....I wouldn't have to work, college would be paid for all three (well maybe), I'd travel the world, etc....but I'm sorry, I have to feel something....

          Oh and take that STD (if you're reading)....all women are not in it for the money....I just hated when you lumped us all into one big heap....
          Last edited by Brook; 05-12-2013, 05:31 AM.

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          • #6
            I don't plan to get married again but am totally up for a very long term relationship or cohabitation in a few years.

            The only exception I can see is if he had a big loving and accepting family that treated me and my kids as their own.

            Today of all days, I am reminded most of all that I don't have a place to belong. I am basically my last living family member on both sides and I absolutely hate that my kids don't have grandparents or get that experience. Mother's Day is the worst for me...followed by Christmas. But I feel untethered (if that makes sense) every day and I hate that. I'm a family gal so I would love to have family outings to go to, and for holidays to not feel like just another day bc it's just the four of us once again. Do I have to get married for that? Probably not but if I had to get married to feel like I belonged to something, I would consider it.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by gregory View Post
              ... here are some POTENTIAL good reasons to get married - for the general public:

              1) To start a family
              2) If the person you are marrying can raise your standard of living
              3) Love - but this should NEVER be the only reason for getting married ... NEVER ... NO NO NO!
              I have given this more thought - and I think item 3) is a necessity, plus either item 1) and/or 2) would be mandatory. Item 3) alone is a NO GO. Item 1) and/or item 2) in the absence of item 3) would also be a NO GO.

              Does that seem like a reasonable general guideline for the modern world in the USA for 2013?

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              • #8
                Just quickly off the top of my head I can name four couples I know who met in their forties, married for love and companionship and are still blissfully happy now in their sixty's/seventies.

                So I'd argue that getting married for love(not lust)is still a very valid reason, even second or third time around.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Tyro View Post
                  Just quickly off the top of my head I can name four couples I know who met in their forties, married for love and companionship and are still blissfully happy now in their sixty's/seventies.

                  So I'd argue that getting married for love(not lust)is still a very valid reason, even second or third time around.
                  But what is the benefit of getting married vs cohabitating?

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                  • #10
                    1) To start a family
                    2) If the person you are marrying can raise your standard of living
                    3) Love - but this should NEVER be the only reason for getting married ... NEVER ... NO NO NO!

                    Reality punch to the gut...

                    First marriage, much older, she already had two kids, mom said not NO but hell no screwed up and married her. She did not raise my standard of living in fact my life was made much harder by being with her.
                    And also to be perfectly honest was NOT in love with her. Was just young and stupid.

                    Wife number two, also much older family starting? NO. Raised my standard of living somewhat and while we seriously liked and enjoyed each other was NOT in love with her either.

                    Current relationship, won't be starting family has a child, won't be "raising my standard of living, we both make the same money and are equal in status and careers, but can honestly say... in love, really damn close and feeling pretty good about the future. But marriage, as I sit here today I seriously doubt it and knowing her like I do I don't think she would care anyway. She got married to an older man in her 20's was brief and she never married again.

                    G you are right and I think the older I get the more pointless I think marriage is, especially a second or more marriages. Another reason why the whole gay marriage argument is ridiculous... gay couples deserve the right to screw up their lives, engage in relationship carnage, lose assets and feel regrets like everyone else!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by EverythingZen View Post
                      But what is the benefit of getting married vs cohabitating?
                      (Disregarding religious beliefs)

                      So the original question was ‘good reasons’ for getting married and I think love is a good reason. ‘What is the benefit’ is a whole different category, it takes the union to a what’s in it for me level that I find hard to relate too, but I’ll try….

                      Maybe I have a different view point since long term cohabitation in Australia has the same basic legal standing as been married. So the benefits of marriage will only be psychological, perhaps even spiritual in nature; complex areas, that many people (including myself) find as important if not more so, than finances or social standing.

                      I guess if marriage has no legal or religious consequences you could liken your vows to a placebo pill, there is nothing in them except what you personally perceive.

                      To me marriage signifies a level of trust and commitment not present just living together, this may well only be a perception but often it’s how you view a thing that makes all the difference in how it plays out.

                      Therefore the benefits are all in my mind, but the power of positive thinking and the benefits derived from a positive mindset are no small thing

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                      • #12
                        Good Reasons to Get Married?

                        None occur to me at present.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by TitusKS View Post
                          Current relationship, ... in love, really damn close and feeling pretty good about the future.
                          Congrats Titus, I hope it continues to be fulfilling for you both.

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                          • #14
                            I'm with Tyro on this one. Whilst living in a defacto relationship you have the same legal rights in NZ , for me its all about the commitment and nothing says I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you like marriage. A proposal is still the most romantic thing a man can give a woman IMO. In my current relationship we have discussed marriage, he says he'd like nothing more than have me walk down the isle NOW if he could get me there . Of course its early days, only about 2 months so we wouldn't do that yet, still many steps to take .

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                            • #15
                              I admire you ladies who still have faith in marriage.

                              I view my marriage as 18 tours of duty, and still cannot find anything good to reflect upon. Currently in this society, marriage has far more negative consequences than positive assets, I can be in love and not risk loosing my financial stability by remaining single. As a wife I am responsible for the financial burdens of my spouse.

                              No thank you, no amount of love or sox could make any of that worth it. Providing my kids with stability and security is too valuable to risk it on marriage.

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