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do I take her back, she lied, stole and could be an addict

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  • do I take her back, she lied, stole and could be an addict

    Ok, My GF was great. A bit crass and crude but she was great. We moved in together. I am educated and professional, she is none of that and unemployed. I got her into school, got her on Unemployment. After she moved in I found out she is still married, and she lied to me about being divorced 3 times. Second, she started taking my meds, she has the same ones but mine are a higher dosage. I told her to stop. I loaned her my car, she wrecked it. She did pay me back for the damages. Now, I have found a patter f her shunning responsibility, and needing to get high, or take some sort of meds when stress hits. I have pushed her to take care of things when they come. So here is the last straw. Friday night I go to take some pain meds after my run, just basic over the counter stuff, but it is prescribed from the VA. They are all gone. I looked at her and said, wtf!? she apologized and said she thought she could take them. My issue was more with the fact that she took them all, knowingly leaving me with none. so I threw her out. Now I am feeling remorse and guilt. I feel like I should take her back, but does that make sense? She thinks that if you can con the system it is ok. When she wrecked my car she wanted me to lie so that Les Scwab would pay for it. BTW, I have 2 girls, and I do not want them looking up to that kind of behavior. Ok, so do I give her another chance? Sounds insane, but to be fair she is trying, thanks to me pushing, but I am tired of pushing. Or am I having a post break u freak out? Can anyone help?

  • #2
    Originally posted by localvet View Post
    Ok, My GF was great. A bit crass and crude but she was great. We moved in together. I am educated and professional, she is none of that and unemployed. I got her into school, got her on Unemployment. After she moved in I found out she is still married, and she lied to me about being divorced 3 times. Second, she started taking my meds, she has the same ones but mine are a higher dosage. I told her to stop. I loaned her my car, she wrecked it. She did pay me back for the damages. Now, I have found a patter f her shunning responsibility, and needing to get high, or take some sort of meds when stress hits. I have pushed her to take care of things when they come. So here is the last straw. Friday night I go to take some pain meds after my run, just basic over the counter stuff, but it is prescribed from the VA. They are all gone. I looked at her and said, wtf!? she apologized and said she thought she could take them. My issue was more with the fact that she took them all, knowingly leaving me with none. so I threw her out. Now I am feeling remorse and guilt. I feel like I should take her back, but does that make sense? She thinks that if you can con the system it is ok. When she wrecked my car she wanted me to lie so that Les Scwab would pay for it. BTW, I have 2 girls, and I do not want them looking up to that kind of behavior. Ok, so do I give her another chance? Sounds insane, but to be fair she is trying, thanks to me pushing, but I am tired of pushing. Or am I having a post break u freak out? Can anyone help?
    Well she certainly must be HOT for you to put up with all of that - wow!

    Seems like in this particular case, you fell hard for her - plus you likely enjoyed being the knight in shining armor to save her in so many ways. I am sure she appreciated it. But it sounds like it went way beyond appreciation - it sounds like she really took advantage of you, right?

    Her taking your meds is amazing - especially leaving you with NONE. That would definitely piss me off, if I were you. No doubt about that whatsoever.

    You mention that you have two girls - and you don't want her to be their role model. I would focus on that because it is a very good point. Not sure how old your girls are but they must be young enough for this to be a major concern.

    As far as her lying to you (or withholding the truth) ... or stealing your meds ... do you really see any of that changing, if you continue to date her? My guess is that exactly none of that would change. [It might change for a week or two, but behavior patterns almost always recur.]

    What is your major attraction to this particular woman? I'm not sure you explained that? Why are you addicted to her? Is it physical, or codependency, or ???

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    • #3
      Oh, hell no!!! Never, ever involve yourself with crazy or with drug or alcohol abusers. I have made that mistake and it wasn't pleasant. You have to take care of yourself first so that you can take care of your children. Be their "White Knight". Change the locks and go completely no contact. She will hurt you bad and feel absolutely no remorse.

      Watch this it it's entirety..........https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iihsbrwqZLU
      Last edited by Lawnguy; 02-13-2017, 02:19 PM.

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      • #4
        I agree with Lawnguy, this lady is trouble. Walk away while you can, and do NOT expose your daughters to such behavior.

        Your lady friend likely suffers from a range of challenges, from bio chemical (beyond her control) to mental (possibly within her control) to spiritual (usually within our control). Whatever her positive qualities that initially attracted you to her, she is not relationship ready. Do what you can to make your separation a moment when growth can occur in her journey towards a future of healthier personal interactions.

        The video has some good points ... but I do feel sorry for the guy who made it. He has a VERY bad attitude towards women, and I shudder to think of the woman who would settle for hanging out with that. There are much more objective, positive and self-affirmative ways to address this issue of dysfunctional behavior. My late husband exhibited some of those behaviors localvet described, and he was in no way bipolar or female. Sometimes it is biochemical (nature). Sometimes it is history (nurture). Sometimes it is just offsides, and no explanation can be found.

        Here is a great secret of life - there is no such thing as a Unicorn, and there is no such thing as a White Knight. Those are the stuff of fairy tales, wonderful stories designed to engage bored brains around the hearth fire on a dreary winter's day.

        There IS the sweetness of a hug from a little child, the wag of a tail from a dog friend, the beauty of a colorful sunset on a summer's day, the power of riding the surf, the love of a sibling, the companionship of a true friend, the gentle touch of a butterfly lighting on your hand ...

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        • #5
          'Vet, you need to mention, is the sex crazy good ? If so I'd keep it going, and buy a small floor safe to keep medications, your checkbook, social security card, handgun, etc ... "safe".

          Be ready to jettison, keep her away from your girls, keep an eye out for further behavior, get new locks and an alarm system ... but there's no sex quite like crazy sex.

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          • #6
            Thanks guys. I don't know what it is Gregory. Yes physically it looks good, but everyone keeps telling me they are shocked to have seen me with her. I look, and am out of her league. I am highly educated, professional, she has tats, nose ring, gauges and no job, no car...damn. sounds bad as I type. She was very affectionate and I loved that. I was helping her get her shit togehther, but I don't really enjoy that.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by localvet View Post
              Thanks guys. I don't know what it is Gregory. Yes physically it looks good, but everyone keeps telling me they are shocked to have seen me with her. I look, and am out of her league. I am highly educated, professional, she has tats, nose ring, gauges and no job, no car...damn. sounds bad as I type. She was very affectionate and I loved that. I was helping her get her shit togehther, but I don't really enjoy that.
              She sounds like she would be awesome in the sack - so good work on that. If you do decide to keep her, then do what Urban Cowboy said - put all of your shit into a safe and lock it up. Please keep us posted - this sounds like one hell of a ride!!!

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              • #8
                You guys CAN'T be that nuts!?! Crazy is crazy, and should have no place in your life. Just 'cause the sex is good is NO reason to take crazy into your life. By that measure you should all be in relationships with dysfunctional, dirty, drug addicted high-priced hookers because the sex is the best, she has money and is hot.

                Is that SERIOUSLY how you choose your women? Maybe you do, and that is why you get taken, and then whine that all women are crazy, gold digging bitches. No wonder we high-quality ladies do NOT understand your motives. By this measure, I should be flattered that no one has picked me ...

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Bluefeather View Post
                  You guys CAN'T be that nuts!?! Crazy is crazy, and should have no place in your life. Just 'cause the sex is good is NO reason to take crazy into your life. By that measure you should all be in relationships with dysfunctional, dirty, drug addicted high-priced hookers because the sex is the best, she has money and is hot.

                  Is that SERIOUSLY how you choose your women? Maybe you do, and that is why you get taken, and then whine that all women are crazy, gold digging bitches. No wonder we high-quality ladies do NOT understand your motives. By this measure, I should be flattered that no one has picked me ...
                  Am just trying to be optimistic, and understand why he continues to be with her. And my guess is that the sex is amazing. Yes, ma'am!

                  My current girlfriend (Klingon Latina) is very nice-looking, makes a reasonable income, and behaves very graciously toward all - which is why I retain her.

                  In contrast, I have also dated a number of women who would qualify as either a mess or crazy or addiction-prone or a gold-digger or some combination thereof. And I can definitely say if she is HOT or CRAZY (or both) then the episode will last longer than if neither were true. And that's because I have a penis, you see.

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                  • #10
                    Well, this explains a whole lot for me. If that is what you guys want, take it, but man up as to what it is you want and why, and quit blaming women as a whole for you choosing the crazy nasty ones because you think the sex is better. That right there fits MY definition of crazy. Encouraging that sort of thinking seems highly irresponsible, and it is obvious you boys have NO interest in healthy relationships. I'm out ...

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                    • #11
                      Bluefeather - I don't think you read exactly what I just wrote because I am not advocating dating crazy, I am explaining why it happens sometimes.

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                      • #12
                        I'll add that good sex can cover up/make one overlook a multitude of sins. Sort of like a horse wearing blinders.

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                        • #13
                          localvet - what did you wind up doing about this? Did you go back to her, or ???

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                          • #14
                            Localvet deserves better. Where's the give and take in the relationship? It sounds like he's giving, giving, giving and she's simply not being respectful or appreciative. You can only help someone get their shit together for so long until you begin to question if THEY want to get it together or just appeasing you.
                            Kudos to him for being a good guy and trying.

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