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Walking Out on an Online Date with No Explanation

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  • Walking Out on an Online Date with No Explanation

    One of my creepier male friends is giving online dating a try. When I say "creepier", he is age 50 and has a complexion problem ... and he has traditionally been sort of a bottom-feeder in terms of who he dates. [Most of his girlfriends have been what I would call either skanks or white trash.]

    Your next question is - why am I friends with this guy? Because we grew up together - have known him since I was age 10 or so.

    This guy has resisted online dating for quite some time BUT he has not had a girlfriend in roughly a year ... and so he has a case of blue balls. He's on POF which I specifically advised against ... because when I was on that site, there seemed to be a lower quality of people on there. Actually, now that I think about it - POF is perfect for him. ha ha

    Anyway, he apparently went out on his first real online date this past week, and the woman left him sitting at the table at the restaurant. Said she had to go to the bathroom, and walked right out of the door ... she fled the date.

    I don't know exactly what my friend said to her. He has been known for being direct in the past. He'd be the type to email penis pics, etc. He said the date lasted for all of maybe 5 minutes. When I asked him exactly what he said to her, he just said that they were just starting to talk, that's all. But he might be lying to me.

    Anyway, he asked me if I've ever had an online date walk out on me, and my answer was "NO - never."

    Have you ever had someone walk out on you with no explanation? It seems like a pretty rude thing to do - and I would personally never do that to a woman ... but I'm really fucking polite.

    Or maybe the question is - would you ever walk out on someone with no explanation whatsoever? What would make you do that? Another question is - what is the threshold or line that would be crossed for a woman to do that? Is it a high bar, or a low bar or ??? Do you think it had more to do with his appearance, or something he said??? Or both??? I'm guessing he said something too direct to her ... but I don't know for sure.

  • #2
    Yes, I have ... twice ... both for the same reason ... the women were so engrossed in her iCrap that she would barely acknowledge my presence.

    So afraid she'd miss a friends' post about a "Cat Haz Cheezbrgr!" or some other nonsense that she passed the opportunity to converse with
    someone face-to-face. So I got up and found the waitress, paid her for the meal thus far (drinks/apps) and left.

    Those women might still be sitting there at their respective venues, were it not for the devices' batteries eventually needing a charge ...

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Urban Cowboy View Post
      the women were so engrossed in her iCrap
      = lack of eye contact. Get up and walk out.

      Sure, listen to what's said, but 99% of a first date is all about is:
      • Eye contact (or lack thereof).
      • And body language, body language, body language. And again, body language.


      A general point to note: If your gut instincts tells you "he/she doesn't like me" or "this isn't right"....rarely will your instincts let you down.
      Only wish I knew/learnt this sooner.

      The main point about Internet Dating is that while conduct and personality does make a difference, if the other person doesn't find you attractive (i.e. you're "not their type"), then the date is going nowhere. It counts for five eighth's of f*ck all if you're the most wonderful charming person in the Western Hemisphere....if your date doesn't like the look of you, the night's over. If they choose to be really pleasant and polite, just ride it out to the end before heading home. But as I've mentioned in this thread, if they're toxic towards you....leave. Believe me, you're giving them a lesson money can't buy.
      Oh, and if you're a male....you can add Money/Job/Income as a prerequisite to this whole equation.
      Last edited by Realist; 06-19-2017, 04:56 AM.

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      • #4
        I think it is very cowardly to just walk out of a date, saying "I have to go to the bathroom.." and then walking right out of the door; this is so classless and downright childish. Never happened to me and I have never done it. If I did not find my date attractive, or there was no chemistry, I sat through the date, tried to make it short, but pleasant, ordered a coffee and parted. When asked if I wanted a second date and I was not enthralled I explained my No, or I went home and sent a declining text.
        If we clicked the texting started and we met.

        Once I met a gentleman, and we had dinner, and after we were done, I excused myself and said, " I have to go to the bathroom," and reached for my purse, and he said, "why do you need your handbag, leave it here!" Duh???? What was he thinking? Every woman takes her handbag with her when going to the bathroom to freshen up.
        This was a sign that many women walked out on him after going to the "bathroom!!!"

        But my thought was that he wants to "rob" me while I am in the bathroom, and he walked out of the door!
        Haha, there was no second date!

        @ Urban Cowboy: Good for you that you did pay the bill, although she was so nasty, you are a true gentleman...:-))) Some would have right walk out of the door leaving her with the bill!
        @ Realist: Very good points, so on the spot!
        Last edited by curious cappi; 06-23-2017, 10:48 AM.

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        • #5
          There is a case I would get up and walk right out of the door w/o an explanation if he puts his hands on me without me giving him clear signals that the attraction is mutual, or me even exposing body language to the contrary.

          Comment


          • #6
            .
            Originally posted by curious cappi View Post
            I think it is very cowardly to just walk out of a date, saying "I have to go to the bathroom.." and then walking right out of the door; this is so classless and downright childish. Never happened to me and I have never done it. If I did not find my date attractive, or there was no chemistry, I sat through the date, tried to make it short, but pleasant, ordered a coffee and parted. When asked if I wanted a second date and I was not enthralled I explained my No, or I went home and sent a declining text.
            If we clicked the texting started and we met.

            Once I met a gentleman, and we had dinner, and after we were done, I excused myself and said, " I have to go to the bathroom," and reached for my purse, and he said, "why do you need your handbag, leave it here!" Duh???? What was he thinking? Every woman takes her handbag with her when going to the bathroom to freshen up.
            This was a sign that many women walked out on him after going to the "bathroom!!!"

            But my thought was that he wants to "rob" me while I am in the bathroom, and he walked out of the door!
            Haha, there was no second date!

            @ Urban Cowboy: Good for you that you did pay the bill, although she was so nasty, you are a true gentleman...:-))) Some would have right walk out of the door leaving her with the bill!
            @ Realist: Very good points, so on the spot!
            Just one other point on this whole issue. I've noticed that some (definitely not all) women want to spend the entire Date focused on two issues:
            • The fella's job/financial/asset status. A full "portfolio", if you will.
            • A full and comprehensive discussion of any-and-all past relationships. A "past relationship Resume", for want of a better term.

            Now it's not to say that the above two points can't be touched on in some way. In fact if they never get asked or mentioned at all, then I tend to think that something's amiss. I certainly have discussed this sorta thing when asked...glad to. But if you want to spend the entire time interrogating some fella on this sorta thing above, without any room to breathe? Just to be clear....before you even start on this, expect an unpleasant response. And an empty chair across from you fairly shortly into the date.

            My view? To begin with, I just want to see if I like the person I'm talking to - no more, no less. If I do like them? Then will consider things from there. The sorta stuff I mentioned above....could never twig to it when I was young(er). But different now. Just wish I could've worked it out sooner.

            Comment


            • #7
              What I want to say is that, no matter how rude and belligerent a first meet might turn out, it is still better to say, "I am sorry, I think we are no match, I wish you all the best, good bye," and leave than just to up and sneak out.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by curious cappi View Post
                What I want to say is that, no matter how rude and belligerent a first meet might turn out, it is still better to say, "I am sorry, I think we are no match, I wish you all the best, good bye," and leave than just to up and sneak out.
                I totally understand where you're coming from, and if people are confronted with a situation where they want/need to leave, then I'd hope that in most circumstances people would give a polite explanation before leaving. This is something I hope people would opt for in upwards of 99% of circumstances (where they need to leave). And I certainly dislike people having to come up with some lie as an excuse for leaving. e.g. "Oh! I just got a message on my phone! My cat/dog has been hit by a car! I've got to go!" (or whatever) But if (and this is a very big if) the person you've met is actively doing/saying things that are seriously rude/toxic/out of line....then that's a different matter entirely. In these sort of extreme situations, where it's not simply about someone "not being the other person's type"....but about behaviour that's seriously out of line....then you owe that person nothing if/when you leave. I can only hope that people are very rarely confronted with these situations, but to say categorically without exception:

                "You can never leave a date without an explanation, no matter the circumstances."

                Then I have to disagree, and quite strongly might I add.

                Just to make a point - if some fella was to have gotten massively "on the juice" (seriously drunk), was leering at the woman's chest all night, then grabbed her on the a.s.s. when she went to The Ladies'.....I'd hardly expect her to give him any sort of explanation. She'd be doing no wrong by leaving without a word and not looking back.

                All this above depends on circumstances, where a one-shoe-fits-all approach isn't always the go.
                Last edited by Realist; 06-25-2017, 07:20 AM.

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                • #9
                  Sorry, Realist, who posted this, I do not remember having read this in this thread, I quote from your last post:

                  "You can never leave a date without an explanation, no matter the circumstances."
                  an explanation."

                  I never said this. I said one "should" not leave without an explanation, and just "sneak" out, only if a man puts his hands on the woman, uninvited.

                  If a man behaves like you describe in your post I would inform the waiter and let the management handle the situation, and leave.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by curious cappi View Post
                    Sorry, Realist, who posted this, I do not remember having read this in this thread, I quote from your last post:

                    "You can never leave a date without an explanation, no matter the circumstances."
                    an explanation."

                    I never said this. I said one "should" not leave without an explanation, and just "sneak" out, only if a man puts his hands on the woman, uninvited.

                    If a man behaves like you describe in your post I would inform the waiter and let the management handle the situation, and leave.
                    Apologies.

                    This was not at all a specific quote from this forum (have changed it). I was simply making a point. Sorry if I caused any confusion with that.

                    On a side note - while I have been involved in online dating many, many times in the past (had both good and bad experiences)....online dating is a road I will not travel down again. I am not meaning to heap dirt on online dating or stop people from considering it, not at all. Just that it's not for me.
                    I've posted a thread below that is somewhat (indirectly) related to this broader issue of dating below -

                    http://www.midlifebachelor.com/forum...-this-approach
                    Last edited by Realist; 06-25-2017, 07:26 AM.

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