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Years Without Sex from Wife - Cheat or Be Content?

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  • Years Without Sex from Wife - Cheat or Be Content?

    The following comment showed up on one of the top-site articles entitled, How Long to Wait to Have Sex, and I thought it might be interesting to see what people here think. Here is the original comment:

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    My wife says she started her menopause 20 yrs ago, and that has prevented us from having sex. I have tried to be faithful. But those 20 yrs are gone, and I am not getting any younger. At what point am I just being a fool to wait.
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    and my response was:
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    I think you need to decide what is most important to you. If sex is the most important thing, and having sex is more important than your relationship with your wife - then you probably need to either cheat on her and/or leave her. Be careful what you wish for though - being single is tough ... it is not generally some kind of free-for-all. You might consider tossing this out as a thread in our Midlife Dating Forum for input from our community. I will start a thread there - there is a link to our Dating Forum at the top of every page of midlifebachelor.com
    ************************************************** *

    Anyone else care to give this individual some suggestions???

  • #2
    OK, I posted "My wife says she started her menopause 20 yrs ago, and that has prevented us from having sex. I have tried to be faithful. But those 20 yrs are gone, and I am not getting any younger. At what point am I just being a fool to wait." I love my wife, but I see sex as being at least 30% of our relationship. She has always told me and her friends how great our sex was, and how much she enjoyed it. Then she said she was going through menopause, which I thought was for mature women. I could not believe we went an entire year with no sex. I thought for sure the 2nd or 3rd year would get easier, but to my surprise it did not. I found it is more like drinking water. One day is not too bad, 2 days it is a little worse, 3 days is bad, 4 days is very bad, and after 5 days your willing to drink anything. For me, that was at 8 yrs I started thinking about having sex with other women. at 12 years I thought about paying for sex. At 14 yrs, I am checking out every woman, and would do anything to be with any woman. at 17 yrs I think about sex most of the time, I feel like I have become addicted to sex. Now I feel like I am going to lose my mind, I do not know if I trust her, I am feeling trapped, When I talk face to face with any woman, I have to stare at her nose to keep from checking her out. I can not understand how the only thing her menopause effect is us having sex, and menopause for 20 years seem more like a terminal illness. If this is real, I will figure a way to continue through it. But I need to know that she is not just making a fool of me.

    Also, what would you think the possibility would be for me to find a woman to be sexual for just one weekend, without ever having any future contact with her. Should that like reset me back to being like when we first stopped having sex, or do you think it would just make me want more to be with a woman.
    Last edited by Almost50; 04-11-2017, 09:59 PM.

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    • #3
      Concerning this ...

      Originally posted by Almost50 View Post
      OK, I posted "My wife says she started her menopause 20 yrs ago, and that has prevented us from having sex. I have tried to be faithful. But those 20 yrs are gone, and I am not getting any younger. At what point am I just being a fool to wait." I love my wife, but I see sex as being at least 30% of our relationship. She has always told me and her friends how great our sex was, and how much she enjoyed it. Then she said she was going through menopause, which I thought was for mature women. I could not believe we went an entire year with no sex. I thought for sure the 2nd or 3rd year would get easier, but to my surprise it did not. I found it is more like drinking water. One day is not too bad, 2 days it is a little worse, 3 days is bad, 4 days is very bad, and after 5 days your willing to drink anything. For me, that was at 8 yrs I started thinking about having sex with other women. at 12 years I thought about paying for sex. At 14 yrs, I am checking out every woman, and would do anything to be with any woman. at 17 yrs I think about sex most of the time, I feel like I have become addicted to sex. Now I feel like I am going to lose my mind, I do not know if I trust her, I am feeling trapped, When I talk face to face with any woman, I have to stare at her nose to keep from checking her out. I can not understand how the only thing her menopause effect is us having sex, and menopause for 20 years seem more like a terminal illness. If this is real, I will figure a way to continue through it. But I need to know that she is not just making a fool of me. ...

      It sounds to me like her claiming menopause is an easy excuse for not having sex with you. This could be due to any number of things which include:

      - she is having some kind of hormonal issue (which a doctor can diagnose and treat)
      - she is no longer attracted to you
      - she has been having sex with someone else
      - some combination of the above

      Does she say that she loves you? Does she still kiss you passionately ... like an open-mouth French kiss? If not or neither, then that leads me to think she is no longer attracted to you.

      Does she exhibit any of the common signs of cheating, such as:

      - Secrecy using her cell phone or mobile device
      - Secrecy with her email
      - Difficulty reaching her at times
      - Changes in her appearance
      - Any other unusual changes (like shaving her hoo-ha all of a sudden)

      I have several e-books dedicated to cheating and recovery. If you wish, I will email you for free my e-book entitled, "Signs of Infidelity - How to Know for Sure If Your Partner is Cheating". See this URL for info, and let me know if you want it for free: http://www.been-cheated-on.com/signs-of-infidelity.html I can email that PDF book to the email address you registered your account here with.

      Concerning this ...

      Originally posted by Almost50 View Post
      ...

      Also, what would you think the possibility would be for me to find a woman to be sexual for just one weekend, without ever having any future contact with her. Should that like reset me back to being like when we first stopped having sex, or do you think it would just make me want more to be with a woman.
      My experiences with online dating have been that very few women want a one-night stand. I've had a few of those, but they were accidental - not planned.

      If you really want just a one-time thing, then your best bet would be to try one of those married dating websites. I won't mention the name because I do not endorse them. Your other alternative is to pay for it - but that is also something I am not going to advocate for. In either case, use a condom (of course).

      And if you have not had sex in 20 years, and you try a sample of it with a stranger, then my guess would be you would really want a lot more ... which would lead you down a path away from your wife.

      I'm going to repeat my original and brief comment to you: I think you need to decide what is most important to you. If sex is the most important thing, and having sex is more important than your relationship with your wife - then you probably need to either cheat on her and/or leave her.

      Anyone else have some comments or wisdom to share?

      Comment


      • #4
        Almost50.......My advice is to check out deadbedrooms on Reddit. I agree with Greg, she may still want to have sex but just not with you. My guess is that she has some side trim and if you were banging her, I would get an STD test.

        Sex for men is REAL important because of the bonding and attachment stuff that results from it. You cannot negotiate desire and if you're not the one making her wet then nothing you can do can change that. Go see a lawyer. Being the good guy is just gonna get you screwed....badly. Unplug yourself.

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