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Relationship - major factors/issues?

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  • Relationship - major factors/issues?

    "Three major issues."

    Not all that long ago I read some comments from a divorce lawyer where they said the three factors that contribute to divorce more than any other are:
    • Kids (Have any? Want some/more? Don't have/want any? Problems with existing kids?)
    • Sex
    • Money

    And not in an particular order. Now that's not say Kids/Sex/Money are the only issues in a relationship, not at all. But these three points are allegedly the main factors that lead to divorce/break-ups, well above and beyond anything else. This lawyer has seen this many, many times and is absolutely steadfast on this.

    The question I have is:
    • Firstly, do people agree (or disagree) that these three points are the (main) factors that influence the success/failure of any given relationship?
    • Secondly - if in agreement with the above query, is it worthwhile trying to raise these issues, early on in the piece? If so, what/when/where/how? This may seem easy, but in practice?....anything but.


    If there's one thing I have learnt, and that's never to presume anything - whether it's regarding a potential partner/relationship, or anything else.
    When you're in your teens/twenties, you hardly ever talk about this sorta thing, but from your 30's/40's onwards....the whole game changes. And nobody likes wasting their time and/or walking into a sh*t storm down the track.

  • #2
    I would probably add a fourth issue - "Time and Attention" ... as that is what led to the demise of my last girlfriend, the Klingon Latina. She needed a lot more time and attention than I could give her - because of my job, and also because of my nature.

    So did you say above that you are an attorney? That is a great profession. Many of us here are engineers - civil, electrical, mechanical, software. There is (or was) an M.D. that used to pop in. I think you are our first attorney.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by gregory View Post
      I would probably add a fourth issue - "Time and Attention" ... as that is what led to the demise of my last girlfriend, the Klingon Latina. She needed a lot more time and attention than I could give her - because of my job, and also because of my nature.

      So did you say above that you are an attorney? That is a great profession. Many of us here are engineers - civil, electrical, mechanical, software. There is (or was) an M.D. that used to pop in. I think you are our first attorney.
      Thanks so much for your reply - much appreciated.

      So, would I be right in saying that those three points (and quite possibly the 4th issue that you mentioned) would be the main issues, in a roundabout sorta way? Not saying there aren't other important issues, not at all, but those 3 (or 4) would be the main ones to be concerned about? And if so, they'd be the ones that you'd be wanting to establish/clarify really early on in the piece, if I can use those terms? Not just that they may be important, but that you'd want to sort out/clarify those issues as soon as possible and avoid investing time/money/emotion/effort into something that is just going to hit a brick wall? When you're in your teens/twenties, you're not overly fussed about important relationship issues and where things might be heading, so to speak. Just isn't really all that important/relevant at that age. But from your 30's onwards, this whole equation changes. You do want to know if/whether a relationship has a future of any sort, and is worth pursuing.

      I would probably add a fourth issue - "Time and Attention"
      Yes, I would most certainly have to agree with this "fourth issue" as you called it. Again, this is something that has slipped under my (somewhat novice) radar.

      So did you say above that you are an attorney?
      No, no, no - I'm not an lawyer/attorney. My apologies if I didn't word it right to begin with. What I meant to say was I came across a discussion by an attorney who sorta specialies in divorce law, where this attorney said that kids-money-sex (and not in any particular order) are the main factors leading to divorces nowadays. I was asking whether or not people agreed with this statement, and if you'd want to sort out those sorts of issues with a potential partner early on in the piece.

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