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Online Dating Question - When to stop emailing others and take profile down?

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  • Online Dating Question - When to stop emailing others and take profile down?

    Needing some opinions here to figure out if I'm doing things right. On match, I started emailing a really pretty woman who seemed to be into me. She wanted us to talk on the phone for a few weeks before she would meet me because she says there are alot of flakes on match and she wants to get to know me first. So I do that. We talk for several weeks on the phone almost every day.

    Then it was time for us to meet last Thursday night but on Wednesday she calls me and says she sees that Ive been online at match every single day. She had hidden her profile the week before but she never told me she did that and she did not ask me to do that. If she had asked me to hide my profile I would have told her that it was too early since we had not even met. Now l have not been going out with anyone really recently (last few weeks), just taking it easy and trying to relax a bit. But I have traded winks and emails with a few women but nothing really came of any of it, plus I have not really been trying too hard the last few weeks on match.

    So when she calls me on Wednesday she is all upset and says I am just a flake like everyone else on match, and that all I want is tail and that she knows I'm emailing other women. I kind of suspect she had a different secret match account and was one of those winking at me or emailing me because otherwise how would she know? Anyway I told her that once I am in a true committed relationship that I will stop match immediately but that she and I havent even met yet. She just would have none of this, and after she told me what a flake I was, she hung up on me. I tried calling her back once and she hung up on me again so F that.

    Anyways my question is do you think that once you start just talking to someone that you should stop talking to everyone else? Based on what I've read here it seems like its better to meet a bunch of people first and then decide. And do you think this very pretty woman is crazy? Or did I blow it? I don't think I blew it but maybe. Is this what being single is all about? If so then its fairly draining.

  • #2
    She sounds like a psycho with issues considering you have not met in real life or had a real date. Dump her and move on, life to short to deal with crazy.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Longboarder View Post
      She sounds like a psycho with issues considering you have not met in real life or had a real date. Dump her and move on, life to short to deal with crazy.
      I agree - this woman has train wreck written all over her.

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      • #4
        Hold on. You emailed this chick for weeks, then talked for weeks.

        Before meeting you, she decides to tizz you as if she was a different woman and you tizzed back or something... hmm.

        This chick probably wanted to check how serious you were. I think she started counting her eggs before they hatched. Maybe she is on rebound from an unfaithful lover or something... I don't know.

        Until you commit to a relationship, flirting with other chicks is fare game and I bet she knows that.

        1. She is either a self centered person - whom you want nothing to do with
        2. She decided not to meet you for whatever reason and then used your tizzing as an excuse (lame excuse)
        3. She is on rebound - possibily from an unfaithful relationship. Checking you out show paranoia of being cheated on.
        4. She is crazy

        You should be glad things ended before they actually started...

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        • #5
          Agree - this has disaster written all over it. And I'll bet that "pretty" picture is not current at all. ;-) Move on - you're not even in a relationship with her yet and she's laying on the drama. Find someone more worthy and honest.

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          • #6
            Okay so a few days went by and I get this big email from this woman and she basically continues to tell me how much I hurt her by staying on match and how I'm all like everyone else. Then after like three big paragraphs of criticism she tosses in at teh bottom something like "attached are several photos of me which I think you asked for". So this tells me that she really is interested and so I email her back and tell her to stop the drama if she wants to meet me. She agrees and I drive out 60 miles to meet her for lunch yesterday. She was all over me like no other first date Ive ever had. She didn't do me, but it was like 3 hours of nonstop makeout session. So I think I give her a little more time and attention and see where this takes me. I know she seems crazy but man is she good at making out and so I wonder how she is in bed. I'll update later with more info.

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            • #7
              She does sound a little crazy but maybe she just really liked you and let her emotions get the best of her. I think it's easy to happen when you think everything is going well then only to find out that person is still logging on a dating site checking out other chicks...I have found that some men I have dated are "old fashion" and just believe in talking to one person at a time and they see people that don't as players. She sounds crazy but she sounds really into you. You know what you are getting into so this should be fun for you and good reading for us

              I'm happy for you.

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              • #8
                What has worked best for me has always been having minimal contact and then a 'meetup.' 1 or 2 emails max, maybe a couple of texts or 1 phone call. Match dot com profiles can tell you a lot and you should be able to determine right away whether or not the woman is trying to meet.

                I understand there are a lot of women out there who assume 2 out of 3 men are mashers/charlatans/boozers/junkies, or worse yet are like their ex-husbands. Who can blame them for thinking that way as they can only attract a louse with that attitude! Avoid the safety-nazis if you can.

                Other women just want a pen pal or phone pal. I have one who is on the back,back,back burner....nice attactive chick who likes to talk on the phone but everytime I set up a date with her she would get a 'flu' at the last minute.

                My advice is to try to limit the chatter and meetup as soon as possible to save time.

                Best of luck to you!!!!!!!!!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by John Doe View Post
                  Okay so a few days went by and I get this big email from this woman and she basically continues to tell me how much I hurt her by staying on match and how I'm all like everyone else. Then after like three big paragraphs of criticism she tosses in at teh bottom something like "attached are several photos of me which I think you asked for". So this tells me that she really is interested and so I email her back and tell her to stop the drama if she wants to meet me. She agrees and I drive out 60 miles to meet her for lunch yesterday. She was all over me like no other first date Ive ever had. She didn't do me, but it was like 3 hours of nonstop makeout session. So I think I give her a little more time and attention and see where this takes me. I know she seems crazy but man is she good at making out and so I wonder how she is in bed. I'll update later with more info.


                  Im not sure why but sex always seems to be the best with the crazy ones.

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                  • #10
                    Yep... she's bat crazy. but as long as you keep your heart to yourself, you'll be fine. i've dated a few women like this, they're a lot of fun. understand, she is going to be nothing but drama and great sex. she will THRIVE off both. don't let her suck you into her drama while enjoying the sex.

                    you do realize that you have been "interviewed"--Gavin DeBecker style, and she is betting that she can manipulate you, right? she's playing you, 100%. her interview consists of seeing how you react... she tested you, found that she can manipulate you, and is now going to try to turn your life upside down.

                    and she is a pro at it, and you have shown her you are susceptible, so be careful. remember, no emotions, sex only.

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                    • #11
                      Ive been out with this woman 3 times now and still nothing but heavy petting. We wound up in her condo last Saturday and had most of our clothes off but she jsut wouldnt do it. When I asked why she said she hadn't had a BF in 10 years and that if she fools around with me then she will "attach". I asked her what that means and she said that she will really be attached to me and that scares the hell out of me. I told her I am flighty because of just being in the divorce process and I said if she really wants to be careful then she shoudn't sleep with me.

                      Since then she has been looking every day to see if I'm on match (my profile is hidden) but I did open one of their emails and so it showed me as active within 24 hours and she called me right away. This bothered me quite a lot and I yelled at her for being that way. I think I need to let her go in the next day or so because even though she is sweet she is seriously a pest and bothersome.

                      Is this what dating is like? Can I expect more like this? When does it start getting to be fun? Right now it is like caster oil.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by John Doe View Post

                        Is this what dating is like? Can I expect more like this? When does it start getting to be fun? Right now it is like caster oil.
                        Nice thing about castor oil is that it cleans you out quick

                        3 dates?

                        This woman is psycho. I would not let a person like this walk my dog let alone go one a second date.

                        Move on - dating is only this painful if you let it happen.

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                        • #13
                          Remember that People are on their BEST BEHAVIOR when you first start dating them ...

                          Originally posted by Vienna View Post
                          Nice thing about castor oil is that it cleans you out quick

                          3 dates?

                          This woman is psycho. I would not let a person like this walk my dog let alone go one a second date.

                          Move on - dating is only this painful if you let it happen.
                          I agree with Vienna - this woman sounds like she is pretty psycho. And remember - people are always on their BEST BEHAVIOR when you first start dating them ... which means that if you continue to date her then you can expect much more of the same ... it will likely get much worse! Think rearview mirror! Good luck!

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by gregory View Post
                            I agree with Vienna - this woman sounds like she is pretty psycho. And remember - people are always on their BEST BEHAVIOR when you first start dating them ... which means that if you continue to date her then you can expect much more of the same ... it will likely get much worse! Think rearview mirror! Good luck!
                            Yes you can expect more of this and a lot more positive things as well. Just stay out there and keep meeting as many as you possibly can and don't give up. Not all women are like this but some are. At least she was honest enough to tell you a few things that indicate she is unstable. Count it as good luck!

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                            • #15
                              Yep, i agree with the folks here. time to let her go. and you might run into some craziness, hopefully not to this extent. but people all have their quirks. filter them out right away if you can. expect and accept only the best for an LTR.

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