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Husband Cheats with Women and Now a Man

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  • Husband Cheats with Women and Now a Man

    This post originated from a COMMENT on the bottom of the article, Five Signs Your Husband May Be Realizing He is Gay. I thought it would be better to respond here, and I'd like to hear more from the person who posted it - and also ideally from some of the other members here.

    Please help me, particularly midlife bachelor. I feel like I want to bust out my skin or drive into a brick wall, and I am pregnant on top of it all. I have been with my husband for 5 yrs, we have 2 sons together, and one son passed away and I am pregnant again now. He is also raising my 8 yr old daughter as his own.

    He doesn’t have most of the common signs (from the article, Five Signs Your Husband May Be Realizing He is Gay) but I will go ahead and describe what I am going through. I am about 99.9% sure my husband is a sex addict. I will say his parents were awful to him growing up, and he legitimately has “middle child syndrome” so he constantly has to have sex and has gotten worse recently. The consequences do not matter to him. I’m not allowed sex while pregnant, as I’m sure that's why we lost our son. He still has to have it even if I don’t otherwise the house will be turned upside down from his moods. I could go into that more as to why, but for time sake I won’t.

    When pregnant with our 2nd son, I found FaceBook messages and replies to Craiglist personals, with pics of him naked. All messages were to/from women, of course. Up until about 6 months ago, it was inconceivable that he might have been with a man. Anyway, he has no friends, doesn’t want friends, and all of a sudden he becomes friends with a male coworker this year. They bought a boat to work on together, etc. We split up for other reasons shortly after he and this guy became friends. He didn’t even tell me at first, as he has always been anti-social. This guy rode with him and my daughter when my man was selling a PlayStation. While we were split up, my man was homeless, and he stayed with this guy once or twice. I found out after he told me that he found out this guy was gay, and he couldn’t believe it because the guy was as manly as they come, and he had a boyfriend who didn’t live with him. My man was being trained at work by this guy, so he had to have contact with him.

    We got back together and I periodically hear him say his name. He did stop hanging out with him, but one day I accidentally texted that guy, and he thought it was my man texting him … and he texted back “What up Ho?” To a straight man? That’s when I started thinking, and I asked him one day, “You mention his name a lot” and he went off the handle said he was done with him. We had bad physical fights on my part over this, and I was hurt. I had gut feelings a month later, and I went to pick him up and he’s standing at this guy’s truck talking to him, but they supposedly weren’t talking. So he flies off handle, turns on me, and dogs me so bad. I’ve begged him to talk to me so we can get through it. He won’t and little things just keep happening … he looks at his parking space, avoids him when I drop him off, etc. Every time I confront him it gets really bad. Our marriage is going down because of this - am I crazy?


  • #2
    Here is my own response to the above ...

    No - you are not crazy. There must be more to the story because I’m not sure I see enough to conclude that your man was having sex with this guy from work. But it is clear that your husband is a sex addict because you said he has cheated on you multiple times with women (which you know about from the FB and Craiglist ads, and nude photos).

    Whether your husband is gay or bisexual or straight, he has obviously cheated on your multiple times. And he is clearly not treating you very well - as you said he has beaten you on several occasions, plus he is not very nice to you. May I ask why on earth you stay married to him? How much more mental and physical abuse need to happen before you leave him? I just don’t understand so maybe you can elaborate some more.