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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
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    3,672

    Default Advantages of Cheating?

    Over the last two months or so, I've received a handful of email messages from readers who trumpet the advantages of or benefits to cheating - whether it be extra-marital or just cheating on a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you've read any significant portion of this site, you'll know that I disagree with cheating ... that I feel like cheating yields bad karma which (like a boomerang) will come back and knock you on your ass.

    So in the spirit of keeping an open mind, ... "leveraging the midlife knowledge" ... "discussing anything and regretting nothing" ... I'm just curious if anyone here can tell me what they think the advantages of cheating are? Are there any? I don't want to bias the forum by tossing out what people have written to me.

    Anyone???

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Portland, OR
    Posts
    56

    Default

    I have a married friend who both her and her husband cheat on one another. In fact they each have a boyfriend and girlfriend and they stay married together because of their children. She has told me that she loves her husband but is not in love with him and I assume the same is true for him. They have been married for 15 years I think and the sex slowed down to a crawl from what she tells me. She is a large woman and he is not the most attractive guy. So the reason they stay together is the kids and the cheating is not a secret but the kids don't know.

    I don't think they are doing the right thing but it seems to work for them since they both seem happy.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    17

    Default

    I honestly think that people who do that should be open about it. Just have a polyamorous relationship or "open" marriage. I actually have a lot of "poly" friends and it is better for EVERYONE involved. The guilt disappears, the fear of passing on diseases/getting caught disappears, and everyone is MUCH, MUCH happier.

    Now, some people have fetishes where they get their jollies from having "forbidden" sex. In that case, I guess the best situation would be for them to just find someone who is into the same thing and they can cheat on each other.

    Whatever people want to do is their business. It's when the hurt others and infringe on the rights of others (by passing along an STD, getting an innocent child involved, etc) that there are serious issues and it needs to be addressed for the benefit of the person who is having their rights violated.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    385

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Helen View Post
    I honestly think that people who do that should be open about it. Just have a polyamorous relationship or "open" marriage. I actually have a lot of "poly" friends and it is better for EVERYONE involved. The guilt disappears, the fear of passing on diseases/getting caught disappears, and everyone is MUCH, MUCH happier.

    Now, some people have fetishes where they get their jollies from having "forbidden" sex. In that case, I guess the best situation would be for them to just find someone who is into the same thing and they can cheat on each other.

    Whatever people want to do is their business. It's when the hurt others and infringe on the rights of others (by passing along an STD, getting an innocent child involved, etc) that there are serious issues and it needs to be addressed for the benefit of the person who is having their rights violated.
    The same goes for *****ing.

    That would be the perfect solution; it is a whole life style change though and I am not sure I am ready for it.


    Society still has too many hang ups about sex. We have been indoctrinated about it being "dirty" and something that's not really talked about.

    One day, Helen! One day

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    341

    Default

    I was married for 12 years and extremely faithful, honest, supportive and loyal. She ended up cheating and leaving me.

    My high school buddy has been married about 15+ years. The magic is gone and he's jealous of my single lifestyle. He wouldn't mind having a sexual escapade with another woman, and I told him I used to be 100% against cheating, but now I'm not so sure. I've somewhat been encouraging him.

    Life is short, and if it's just protected sex, what the hell?

    Am I bad to sort of give him the green light, or am I just being a realist? Is my judgment clouded by my scar tissue?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
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    3,672

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SWM 41 View Post
    ... Life is short, and if it's just protected sex, what the hell?

    Am I bad to sort of give him the green light, or am I just being a realist? Is my judgment clouded by my scar tissue?
    It all boils down to a personal decision. Each of us has been influenced by different things we've experienced in our lives. Plus - I think as we get older, we get more immune/less sensitive to certain behaviors and their consequences ... we seem to care less, for whatever reason.

    I can probably argue the concept of cheating either way - but here is what I came up with ... Advantages of Cheating?

  7. #7
    hotstuff Guest

    Default

    I think unless you BOTH agree to having an open relationship - it's definatley wrong/bad. It's totally unfair to the other person and IMO very destructive. I have been on both sides (cheater and cheated on). I see nothing good coming from it and only causing pain to another person and yourself. If someone wants to do that, they should either get out of the relationship they are in because obviously something is lacking/missing or your really not 'happy' OR be fair and tell the other person so at least THEY have a choice to stay with you or not.....

    JMO

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    385

    Default

    It is a joy to read all the different viewpoints here. This is the best place to get any relationship advice.

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