Blown off??

[Vienna]

This is how online dating works. The ball in your court now. Go with your gut. A face to face meeting will tell you much more of what you need to know.

Agreed and if you do decide to meet her don't have any high expectations - she has already shown herself to be too indecisive.

[Karine]

Well, it seems you were the back-up guy, just in case. I don't know. Maybe worth it, maybe not. Personally, if I were to do that to a guy ... I mean, go so far as to actually say I'll meet him and then admit that I was really hoping something was going to work out with the other guy ... I wouldn't feel that I deserved a second chance.

Just because all of this is happening online doesn't make it any less real to people's feelings. I guess how you'll respond depends on how interested you are in her and whether you think she's worth a shot. At least she was finally honest about what was really going on, and she seems to feel a bit bad about it, so she may have some integrity.

Karine

[gregory]

This is how online dating works. The ball in your court now. Go with your gut. A face to face meeting will tell you much more of what you need to know.

Agreed and if you do decide to meet her don't have any high expectations - she has already shown herself to be too indecisive.

I agree with Vienna and Kalispell - online dating means getting out there and meeting a bunch of people. Sometimes you go with your gut feeling ... make some cuts to the lineup ... only to shortly realize that you made a mistake ... and once again need to go back to the drawing board. At least she was being completely honest with you - most would have simply stopped responding ... or dated you at the same time she was dating (read "focking") this other guy.

So my suggestion is identical to Kalispell's, "Go with your gut. A face to face meeting will tell you much more of what you need to know." Good luck, Sir!

[integrity_loveit]

Hey...you guys haven't even met yet, to know if there is any in-person chemistry. I think she was honest with you...better than just ignoring you and being rude. I think her behavior actually shows that she is MORE honest and trustworthy than the average person...it shows POSITIVE things about her character. Remember...until you have been dating a while, you are just getting to KNOW someone. Only time will tell if you click and you really like them.
On the other point, I definitely do agree...it doesn't make sense to drag out the "meet up" phase. After 2 or 3 phone calls, the other party should be ready for a meet-up.
Additionally...I am all for online dating. I met my sweet and wonderful boyfriend (we have been dating almost 6 months) online. I only went on 3 online dates total. He was the 3rd guy that I met up with. The first one was soooo nice, but reallllly boring. The second guy told me (on the date) after weeks of "online" talking that he cheated on his wife twice. With married women. UMMMMM....NEXT. Then I met the Sicilian Attorney that I am dating now. He is honestly the most intelligent and knowledgable person that I have ever met. He is generous, caring and SO MUCH FUN! We have a blast together. I feel very fortunate to have met him. Online dating is NOT ALL BAD!
Trust your instincts and good luck!

[Brzy411]

Then I met the Sicilian Attorney that I am dating now.

Wow, that's scary. What happens if his clients don't pay?

[EverythingZen]

Finally met her. First meetup went well. She matched her pics. Wasn't 10 years older, 20lbs heavier, or a man. So we will call that a win.

Had drinks, appetizers, and shot some pool. Think there was some mutual sparks. I may have re-calibrate what I expect, when my ex and I met we were all over each other within 15 minutes. I probably shouldn't base my expectations on that.

The one (possible) warning is that her husband (of at least 11 years) died less than a year ago after several years of illness. Not sure if that means anything. Anyone have any insight?

[A OK]

Finally met her...

The one (possible) warning is that her husband (of at least 11 years) died less than a year ago after several years of illness. Not sure if that means anything. Anyone have any insight?

yeah, it means she's not ready, but may need some crazy monkey sox! :-)

[Isabelle]

The one (possible) warning is that her husband (of at least 11 years) died less than a year ago after several years of illness. Not sure if that means anything. Anyone have any insight?

Not sure what you're asking? My husband was ill for quite a few years before he passed away. A year later, I was dating again, but I did wait a year. I've heard men tend to date again faster than the women do. Everyone grieves differently so I don't think there's a rule of thumb as to dating again when you're a widow. But, there is a big difference when dating a widow. She won't be as jaded, if that is the right word; she didn't find her husband cheating or any of the terrible other ways marriage can end.
One red flag would be if she only talks about her late husband--and possibly if you're the first she's dated after his death.

[Isabelle]

yeah, it means she's not ready, but may need some crazy monkey sox! :-)

I'm not sure. I went right into a LTR with the first man I dated after I was widowed. I knew I was looking for that kind of relationship and I didn't rush into sex until I was ready, same as this time. Maybe the fact she might want a LTR would be a red flag.

[Karine]

I agree that everybody grieves differently and it takes as long as it takes. I'm nowhere near ready to date anyone yet, but my sweetheart died suddenly, so there was no warning.

My good buddy lost his fiancee after a lengthy illness, but they had time to talk about things before she died, so he was more prepared. Plus, she encouraged him not to stop living after she was gone. About six months later, he did meet someone and is very happy.

I made a conscious choice that I will not retreat from the world completely and am still open to the possibility of perhaps meeting someone someday, but I know I'm not ready for that yet.

This is new territory for your new lady friend too, I think. It's not something most of us have had a lot of experience with (dating after the death of a loved one), so she might feel a bit mixed up at times. But as long as she is truly "in the moment" when she is with you, and you can laugh and have fun together, hey, it's all good.

Maybe just enjoying the moment and not worrying too much about the future is the best thing right now. We all know there are no guarantees, even if you do find your true love, that things will last forever. She has learned that tough life lesson, and maybe that has made her more appreciative of the here and now.

I'm glad you finally got a chance to meet and had a good time!

K