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Thread: Shelf Life

  1. #1
    A OK is offline Top Female Midlifebachelor.com Contributor & Goddess
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    Default Shelf Life

    So some on forum have mentioned their average time frame for new GF/bf. I think KjMudds was 45 days for a while. Although I don't sleep with a new guy right away, I have noticed it takes about 3 months to start seeing them off their 'best behavior' at which time it's something I know whether i can put up with it for a short or a long while more. So in three months, if I really like them, I'll see whether their manners still stick or their attentiveness or flexibility.
    (Most men I've met are not even in the running for three month trial however)

    The men here seem to prefer to hop in bed with new dates very soon,and think we know in first minute of meeting whether we want to sleep with them. Women, maybe not so much.

    But what are the signs symptoms and otherwise red flags that surface close to your average shelf life of a new GF/bf? If your shelf life is 45 days, what types of things are surfacing that causes you to let them go?

  2. #2
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    I agree with you...3-4 months before everyone is behaving real.
    That timekine has nothing to do with sex...we will never see 3-4 months without being nekkid....a lot!

  3. #3
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    Reasons to let go? Insecurity, jealousy, incompatibility in the bedroom, any of many things

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    Reasons to let go? Insecurity, jealousy, incompatibility in the bedroom, any of many things
    For me it is weird what you listed are NOT the MAJOR issues in my current relationship. Yes insecurity is her issue, I'm not searching for someone or something else because I'm trying to be patient and a "friend" my problem is I'm kind of becoming indifferent to our relationship. At first I thought her having a pre-teen daughter would be an issue and that turned out not to be an issue at all. Our political, social upbringing even racial differences are not even an issue. Distance, no, hobbies things in common no.

    Communication and trust are main issues... she wants us to do couples counseling... great... to help US communicate better... not her US to communicate better... men are apparently communication dolts.

    I wish like hell there was a IDGAFuk pill I could take and instantly turn myself into the greet em, screw em excuse em dude...

    My problem and many other dudes like me is the "The Devil You Know …" syndrome.

    Lets face it with some folks, relationships even bad ones can be habit forming it may not be good, but you know what to expect. For some these familiar patterns bring a kind of comfort, and induce an almost irrevocable inertia. I think I spent so much energy getting to this point as I said before I don't want to dive back into a cold dating pool and be exactly where I am now with someone else, coupled with maybe fear of change...

    We do like each other, we get along, very sexually compatible but not nearly enough sex tho. She has communication issues... and she clearly knows that... but being patient is wearing thin. I have written to her and have been very explicit about what my issues are. Threw her for a loop, I get the impression no dude has even read her the riot act before but now I keep having to deal with these ongoing conversations focusing on each tiny piece of my issues with her.

    Some relationships feed on love-hate patterns... well maybe not love "hate"... but much like the way addicts experience incredible highs and lows with drugs. She likes that tension crap will want to talke about something heavy then will want to be all over me... freaking weird. Wife #2 was like that.

    I tried to avoid to keep the drama out of the relationship but drama is nonetheless present and after hearing from other girl friends women need to the drama and many are addicted to it. All women require drama to help them keep the spark in relationships no matter what.

    Right now there is something going on in the family (sister post partum depression) and or with her daughter and we have spent very little time together over the past couple of weeks. The little time we spend together she is over the top affectionate and all smiles as if all is well.

    Just past the 8 month together period and already survived some messy dust ups. But the me of 10 plus years ago would have ended this. Does that make me a nice guy, patient guy or stupid guy?

    Lb started that pet thread and even that has been a sore spot for me. Her getting a potential freaking monster of a dog (St. Bernard) although sweet dog, a dog she spends an inordinate amount of time having to deal with who has take over home and cuts into an already tight budget and "us" time.

    Someone shake me or shoot me!

  5. #5
    Urban Cowboy is offline Midlife Bachelor Hall of Fame Award Recipient
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    I would agree with AOK's three month "honeymoon" period, though I don't foresee getting to that point with anyone I consider a good match anytime soon.

  6. #6
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    Vienna is offline Top Female Midlifebachelor.com Contributor & Goddess
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    Titus - OMG I read that and taps started to play in my head. You are stressed sir, way too stressed.

  7. #7
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    couples counseling? after 8 months? not enough sex...communication issues...frustration with the dog and lack of together time...
    one word comes to mind...settling. Your pill would not make you happier, just more numb.

    Personally, I'll chose to be happily alone before I'd ever settle for numb.

    To each his own

  8. #8
    A OK is offline Top Female Midlifebachelor.com Contributor & Goddess
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    Agreed- counseling with 8 month BF ?! We're supposed to treat our BF's NICE, not torture them!

    When you wrote about her family birthday gathering that you were excluded from, it stuck in my craw. I would have (and did once) say SEEYA. If podner is not proud of me then I want no part of it.

    Also kind of confused why youre trying so hard to be supportive friend. No offense but I have impression it's hard for you to set boundaries...? Not to worry- you have some great insight into what not to allow next time :-) Titus do you have a shelf life estimate yet?

    As for myself I have not heard a thing from BC guy in day and a half, since I told him there was a problem for me from our last lovemaking (soreness). I'm not a fan of walking on eggshells, and I've been very very nice to him. Other hand I'm not willing to invest over 3 months since it appears he doesn't care to discuss sensitive topics.
    Last edited by A OK; 12-11-2013 at 05:02 PM.

  9. #9
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    ok we had drinks and talked... im having drinks now... out bar hopping... will figure out how to post about this latest.. im cool

  10. #10
    Vienna's Avatar
    Vienna is offline Top Female Midlifebachelor.com Contributor & Goddess
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    Quote Originally Posted by TitusKS View Post
    ok we had drinks and talked... im having drinks now... out bar hopping... will figure out how to post about this latest.. im cool
    This relationship you two have is bi-polar....

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