Need to break up a 2half yrs relationship

[Don David]

I have been dating these gril for 2 and half year now and we have been leaving together for 2 years now. she is my first real serious girlfriend and i real care for her.

I am now at point that i need to concentrate on my career and focus on my life. She is very demanding and require alot of attention. I dont like staying with her anymore and want to stay on my own. The problem is that i am the one paying for all the expenses at home and if i ask her to move out i dont think she will can survive on her own. I spoil her too much that she is used to luxury life with me. I tried alot of times to make her break up with me by sleeping out,drinking and ingoring her but she always come back saying she love me too much and does not want to leave me.

The other problem is that my family likes her too much and she is now part of familly. I real regert moving in with her. I was too young to do that(23).

Please advice on how should i handle this.

[kjmudd]

That is a tough situation.

Is there a chance you can remain freinds with her after you break up? That way your family can still possibly see her.

I would just tell her straight how you are feeling and give her some time to move out.....30 days max. Give her a definite move out date and tell her you can no longer support her and that she must be out by the date you set.

Maybe you can offer to help her move her stuff.

KJM

[gregory]

You are very young, and I assume that she is, too. Your best bet is to give her a firm "move out date", and stick with it. Since you have been living with her for two years, I'd probably give her 90 days to figure it out.

And since you appear to be her only means of support, then maybe you should also offer to pay for her living expenses for a year or so? That may sound whacked to some - but that is what I would do ... unless you absolutely hate her, of course. Tossing her out on the streets with nothing would be wrong in my book ... so help her out ... keep the karma good.

Imagine that your roles were reversed - what would you expect?

[Don David]

It very true gregory i dont want people to think i am monster i will try to support her in any way i can. All I want is to stay on my own to focus on my studies as i will not have time for anyone and it will not be fare. I am currently studying with ACCA.

I will give her 30 day to move out or else i will leave her there if she refuse and i move out. I think that will also work.

[misunderstood]

There are many different ways to handle a situation such as this and we see two fine examples here. Here is another view. Gregory mentioned that you are very young. You mentioned that you have been the provider in the relationship. You feel that she might not be able to provide for herself. Ask yourself, how much ownership you might have with her dependence on you. If you feel that you spoiled her, then you may need to help her gain her independence. This may be why you heve some reluctance to ask her to leave. The bottom line is that remaining in this relationship is not healthy for either of you. So you want to end it in a way that you can feel comfortable with. Personally, I would not be able to get over simply setting her loose in the world without knowing that she can take care of herself. So, how do you help?

What is you current living situation? Is there a way that you might be able to become "roommates" and share expenses? This would allow you to help her and also allow her to help herself. If she would agree, then you could evolve into a friendship. Hopefully, if you can live in a mature maner around her and show her that you are serious about your change of feelings toward her, she will, in turn, start to realize that she needs to move on. Eventually, she will realize that she might be uncomfortable and needs to get herself out of the situation all on her own. Dirung this time, if you are sharing expenses as roommates, she should be able to build herself enough resources and experience to gain the confidence she needs. Don't be affraid to teach her or offer help. You may just discover some things about yourself as well.

Two and a half years is a good amount of time to be together. Severing it in thirty days simply because feel you have already come to terms with it may be more painful in the long run.

Good luck.

[rwsmith]

You "sound" like an immature jerk!!! I did NOT say you are a immature jerk, but "sound" like one. Come on, sleeping out, drinking and ignoring her...that was your strategy???

Trust me, there will be NO happy ending to your dilemma...you will pay, you will suffer. Therefore, pay NOW or pay later...and learn from your youthful indiscretions.

Ronnieknowitall,

P.S. Like we said in the Navy..."Set the reflash watch" because your sweetie might come looking for some payback!

[Phillyboy]

I don’t you sound like an immature jerk at all. In fact, you’re probably handling things much better than most of us on the members on this site did/would have when we were your age. Based on your post, you must be 25 or 26. You’re involved in what is likely your first “shared household” relationship and have decided it isn’t the right one for either of you. You’re doing the right thing by seeking out advice and thinking through all of your options. Making the move now is much better than stringing her along and winding up in a marriage (possibly with children) that is doomed to failure. No one wins in that situation. If you were married and/or had children together, I would probably think much differently, but you aren’t and you don’t, so I think you are doing the right thing by ending the relationship now. There’s nothing wrong with making a conscious decision to focus on your priorities. It’s unfortunate that they don’t include your gf, but that’s part of the relationship process…better you’ve discovered that now rather than later. There’s no easy out here…you’re simply going to have to pull the plug sooner or later…it’s good that you want to be sensitive of her needs and be fair to her and you should definitely try to work something out, but she’s not your wife or your child, so ultimately you need to do what is right for you…eventually you’ll both be better off because of it.

[Don David]

Its Finally over she found a place and a busy with my work and study

[kjmudd]

Congratulations! Great Job!

KJM