Getting Close to Throwing in Towel

[kjmudd]

Now I am getting discouraged. I have 9 awesome dates with a very attractive woman. We talk, we hang out, we have incredible sex and I get the "something is missing" line and I have to dump her.

A medium keel relationship that only produced good times is done a week after this chick tells me how much she is into me and likes me for more than sex. Pretty sure this was just another "closed-off" woman who just couldn't deal with the prospects of finding a good thing. Precisely the kind I apparently am attracting.

I haven't had a dry spell but somtimes wish I had had a lonnnnnng dry spell. Yep the sex and company of hot chicks is great fun but it is about impossible to find one that is secure in herself enough to go through with a good thing.

So I am thinking of taking a sabbatical for real. Work on improving myself for a while.

KJM

[gregory]

My suggestion is that you not take what this woman just did to you personally. I know that is difficult - but you can never really know what is going on in someone else's head ... and therefore, you cannot fault yourself or your actions for such a sudden change of heart.

[The flip side of this is, of course, - if you think you did make a mistake or mistakes, then now would be a great time to contemplate them and "fine-tune the machine" so that you do not repeat those mistakes. But I wouldn't make this even a multi-week process ... just take a few days or a week.]

It could have been ANYTHING that caused to feel differently about you ... and that "anything" could have had absolutely nothing to do with you.

Now is not the time to throw in the towel - no. Now is exactly the time to go get more "cars in your parking lot" ... to add to your backburners. If anyone can do it - YOU CAN ... !!!

[Luce]

Oh man, you have my sympathy. I think you are ready for a real realtionship with lots of sharing and love and sex and friendship all thrown together.

You know the saying: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.


I do not know if there is a saying about the complete opposite; if not I am creating one here and now just for you:

All play and no substance leaves KJM empty.

The fault is not with you, KJM. You really seem like a super nice guy already.

[kjmudd]

Originally Posted by Luce

Oh man, you have my sympathy. I think you are ready for a real realtionship with lots of sharing and love and sex and friendship all thrown together.

You know the saying: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.


I do not know if there is a saying about the complete opposite; if not I am creating one here and now just for you:

All play and no substance leaves KJM empty.

The fault is not with you, KJM. You really seem like a super nice guy already.

Aww thanks Luce you are too sweet!

Yes that is exactly what I am looking for. Getting real tired of the false starts. This last one took the cake because it was very promising but had to end immediatley.

Just gonna move forward again!

KJM

[SWM 41]

I have a theory that states the right one comes along when you're not looking.

Perhaps you might pursue other interests, such as business/career and hobbies. Just "do your thing" and be comfortable with your life ("Find Your Balance" as Gregory writes).

I think when we are intentionally "on the hunt", we aren't being our true selves and therefore cannot find and connect with a compatible partner on a deeper level.

[kjmudd]

Originally Posted by SWM 41

I have a theory that states the right one comes along when you're not looking.

Perhaps you might pursue other interests, such as business/career and hobbies. Just "do your thing" and be comfortable with your life ("Find Your Balance" as Gregory writes).

I think when we are intentionally "on the hunt", we aren't being our true selves and therefore cannot find and connect with a compatible partner on a deeper level.

I have heard many people say that (some still single ha ha). I am sure it is true to some degree.

Personal growth is important and I am certain attractive to a better class of women.

KJM

[gladius]

they don't come easy or usually last long; some we date are no longer 21 - 30 and, perhaps, no longer looking for that near perfect longish-term partner --- I am, but seem to be in the minority.

I was in a weird time where three women wanted a relationship with me, but I assume that was unusual (all younger if that tells you anything --- I think a younger woman might be right for you, too). I've found the steps from sex to relationship to partner are a bit treacherous --- what's worked for me (when it's worked) is treating women honestly and really well (in all respects) yet coming across like a guy worth keeping.

I think some people prefer dating and some a relationship (many of the latter are, of course, already taken); and relationships can definitely take work to keep going. IMHO, your partner has to be committed to being in a relationship and have that as a goal if it's going to work.

Keep looking and you'll find what you're looking for. Women seem to like you and sooner or later you'll meet one with similar goals and interests in addition to finding you hot. Personally, sometimes it's nice to relax and just
enjoy knowing you're both taking a chance on one another and not likely to disappear next week. It's almost like a vacation as the stress of meeting/getting to know new people is gone.