The Midlife Bachelor Personal Makeover
>> Attitude Adjustment / Mental Makeover Rev 2.0
>> Avoid the Ruts ...
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1) The “no date” rut. Midlife bachelors are creatures of habit, plus many of us have a self-preservation instinct that can sometimes manifest itself in the form of risk aversion. If we do not have a date for a number of months, it is easy and less risky to give up trying and to just stay home and do that “drink beer in front of the TV” thing I described a moment ago. The obvious problem with this scenario is that you will never meet women if you do not get out into the world on a social basis. Plus your social skills suffer if you don’t use them regularly. Instead you wind up sitting around with a bunch of your guy friends talking about how you never have a date. One friend of mine, Ronnie – he had not had a date in several years … and he was the undisputed king of sitting at home in front of the TV with a bunch of us guys always hanging around. Ronnie used to complain about being lonely – but every time we invited him out to happy hour, he would always say that he was too tired, or have some reason not to go.
I have several midlife bachelor friends who are extremely religious … and who have fallen into the “no date” rut. One guy named Kenny (different Kenny that the hair-challenged Kenny I wrote about earlier) happens to be who I use as my personal trainer at the gym I go to. When Kenny and I would work out, I would always ask him what kind of action he had going on – and would always tell me that while he would love to have a girlfriend, that he is focused first and foremost on God and church. If I dug deeper past that superficial response, Kenny would tell me that he tries to meet women at church … and that every so often there appears to be a good girlfriend candidate, but that the majority of them either don’t pan out into a dating relationship, or (if they do date) that it usually doesn’t last too long. Either way – he always told me that he was really bored, and that his dates were few and far between. I asked Kenny what kind of woman he was looking for – and his response was fairly narrow. Kenny was looking for a woman in her thirties … who was very Christian, had never been married, had no children, and was fairly good looking. I remember when he told me this for the first time, my comment was something like, “You would probably go on a lot more dates if you broadened your range a bit.” Kenny would always say something like, “no way … I won’t do it … I know what I want, and I’m prepared to wait it out.” Well shit – Kenny is forty-two years old, and has never been married … and with each passing year, the pool of women that fit that category AND who would consider dating Kenny gets smaller and smaller. Kenny is certainly not a bad-looking guy … he is physically fit, has two good jobs (personal trainer and licensed contractor) … so he would be an ideal husband for someone. My point – if you are not getting dates because you are too picky, then you should probably LOWER YOUR STANDARDS.
When I say “lower your standards”, I do not mean go down to the street corner, and pick the first toothless crack whore you encounter – no. What I’m saying is that you should carefully re-examine the type of woman you are looking for … and maybe compromise on some subset of the criteria that is preventing your dating success. In Kenny’s case, he is an extreme Christian – so he is best paired up with a Christian woman … I would not recommend he compromise on that. But as far as insisting on dating women who have never been married, or have no children – those are requirements that I told him to consider relaxing a bit. I mean – divorced women with or without kids are very common. Just because someone is divorced doesn’t mean they are “returned merchandise” … as divorce happens for many different reasons. And children are a blessing in any case. If Kenny took the time to hang out with divorcees with children, I bet he would find that a lot of them would make a great new potential family for him. Children can be a lot of fun to play with – and you tend to do things with them that focus on the basics. Young children like attention, and playing outdoor games (like football or baseball), or maybe rollerblading. Teenagers sometimes like that same stuff – but usually you find yourself going to amusement parks, or shopping, going to the beach, etc. Slicing out the entire segment of datable women with children is a huge mistake (unless, of course, you are a child-hater). The main idea I’m trying to pass along to you is that you might consider looking at women with more of an open mind. The more open you are about what type of women you can date, the greater the chance you will actually GET A DATE. I know – this sounds so simple, but many midlife bachelors fail to recognize this as an obstacle to their dating success.
Next >>> The Wrong Girlfriend Rut
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