Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success
Step 1: Set your short-term and long-term dating objectives / page 2
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Do you want to stay single? I just finished discussing the role the length of time someone has been single can play in terms of determining one’s dating objectives, and how important it is for everyone to take the necessary time to cope … and how that can especially impact one’s short-term dating objectives and strategy. The next question to ask yourself is – do you want to stay single, or do you ultimately want to be in a relationship? Your personal answer to this question is critical – as it will significantly influence your goals and your behavior. Plus this may not be the easiest question for you to answer – at least right now. Some people know in their heart that they need to be in a relationship – as otherwise they feel lost, or feel that their lives have no meaning. Other people don’t really need anyone, and a relationship is optional to them. Still others believe that women are parasitic by nature, and should never be taken too seriously … and so a relationship is out of the question. Sometimes being single is required by one’s situation in life – maybe you are a single father, and have full-time custody of your four young children … so how on earth would you have time to date anyone (whether you want to be single or not)?
For many brand-new midlife bachelors – it might be best to put off answering the question about whether you want to stay single until you have reached a better understanding of yourself, and your particular emotional issues. There is nothing wrong with delaying such a decision for six months or a year or more than a year – if that is what you feel allows you the time you need to reset yourself, and establish your own personal equilibrium with the world at large given your new bachelor situation. If you are the new midlife bachelor with full-time custody of four young children, you might need an even lengthier period of time to adjust yourself. Whatever your situation, there is no magic formula to use for the length of time required for you adjust to the newness of midlife bachelorhood – there is no rule of thumb. It is all unique to each of us. The best I can tell you is that you will know in your heart what is right for you with respect to wanting (or not wanting) to stay single. Just be sure to avoid the rebound scenario (fear of being single) is not what guides your answer.
Are you better off being single? Many midlife bachelors probably are better off being single – at least for a year or two. As I’ve mentioned, each of us needs to go through the phase where we recognize and address our own unique challenges, and also decide for ourselves what is best in both the near-term and the longer-term with respect to our desire for a relationship. Many of us really need time to get over the pain of our last long-term relationship so that we minimize the future effects of our own emotional baggage. Sometimes this baggage has taken years to accumulate – and our behavior and habits have become so ingrained within us that it may take more time than one would guess to get past it. How much time? Well more than six months – most certainly. What is the later boundary? That’s hard to quantify in general terms because so much depends upon you and your unique issues. My main message to you – the brand-new midlife bachelor is … you are better off staying single for some period of time, but probably not forever. If you are not a brand-new midlife bachelor, but have been one for several years and are still not experiencing success in terms of obtaining and/or retaining a suitable girlfriend – then you may need to pause temporarily from your pursuit of women to examine yourself, and figure out what adjustments you need to make in order for you to become a better boyfriend, or even just a more attractive person overall. Knowing where you are at with respect to the question “are you better off being single?” will be a key input into the establishment of both your short-term and long-term dating objectives.
Next >>> Rebound – Does fear of being single drive your behavior?
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