Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success
Step 2: Conquer the Basics and Start Dating
>> Developmental Dating / page 5
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The Three Date Rule
Should midlife bachelors have RULES concerning how long is too long to wait to sleep with a woman, or to kiss her? Absolutely it is fine to have such rules – but best to keep them as good reference points, and not necessarily firm rules. Some midlife bachelors will tell you that if a woman doesn’t have sex with you within three dates, then she either has some other action going on or is frigid There may be some truth to that – but I think that in many cases, some women just move more slowly than men. Plus I think it can be very situational – like if the woman is freshly divorced, she is much more likely to want to have sex than if she has been divorced several years, and is over the phase where she needs constant sexual gratification.
For me, I always used “the three date rule” as a reference point to decide whether to continue seeing a particular woman. Some women are really conservative – and it would take me three dates to just get a decent kiss out of them. Other women were the opposite of conservative, and by the third date we had already had sex one or more times. I would suggest that you use “the three date rule” as a milestone for deciding where you think the relationship can head … if you want to pursue it INDEPENDENT of whether you are already having sex with a woman.
One thing I can say with certainty for me – and that is that if a woman has not allowed me to really kiss (French kiss) her by the third date, then I can pretty much assume that the relationship is destined for friendship … or something other than a hot physical relationship. Friendships with women are fine – in fact, they can be critical for a midlife bachelor to network through to other women. So just because a woman winds up being more of a friend, don’t write her off … use her as a reference point. If she thinks highly of you, then she is much more likely to want to hook you up with one of her friends.
Time to Dump her? Another possible scenario is that after three dates, you find the woman completely annoying. You don’t want her as your friend, and even if you have had sex with her – you really cannot stand the sound of her voice, and you need her to be out of sight and out of mind. This is also completely normal and acceptable in the world of dating (it may even happen with you being on the annoying side). Here you do not want the friendship – so my advice is that you:
- Tell her how you feel in the most polite way possible, or
- Stop accepting or returning her phone calls or emails, or
- First 1) then 2)
If you want to be polite and up-front, then tell her that you really don’t think the two of you have a future together, and that you are sorry … or something similar to that. I believe it always pays to be very polite in situations like this because you would want someone to be polite to you if the roles were reversed, right? Treat others as you would like to be treated – but don’t necessarily expect them to treat you how you expect. So many people take being dumped way too personally – it really shouldn’t be that way. If it happens to you, then move on and look forward to your next date.
What’s Next After Three Dates?
You know you can date any woman as long as you want, or as long as the two of you want. If you were paying attention to the other sections of this site, then you know to watch out for things like wanting to marry the first woman you date (rebound), or for allowing great sex to mask the truth about the nature of a particular woman’s personality, etc. My point – as a midlife bachelor, you need to periodically ask yourself if you are dating a particular woman for the right reasons. Is she really what you want in the long-term? Have you reasonably sampled the various types of women out there to really know what you want in the long-term? What happens when the hot sex wears off with the woman you are with – will you still want her around? Are you settling for a particular woman because you are afraid of being single, or are afraid you won’t be able to do any better?
For me, the answers to the questions I pose above have always been reasonably easy for me to answer. I usually know in my heart if a woman is going to increasingly annoy me … it is like a gut feel or something. I will say that in many cases, I have kept a particular girlfriend around a lot longer than I should have simply because I enjoyed the sex … and I’m not entirely sure that was the right thing to do, but it seemed right at the time. I didn’t keep them around until I found something better – usually I kept them around until I just couldn’t stand the relationship any more … or I felt that I was leading the woman on, and that it was no longer fair of me to continue to do so. You will know what is right for you to do – just make sure that you are thinking about all the right things, and looking at the bigger picture for yourself. You’ll make the right decision as long as you keep everything in its proper perspective.
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