Dating - Don't Take Things Too Personally

Fundamental Truth #2
Don't Take Things Too Personally

<<< previous page ....................... next page >>>

Okay – I know that the statement “Don’t take things too personally” is very broad – but it is so true, and so important to keep in mind if you are to have a successful and happy midlife bachelorhood. I’m not saying not to listen to people – but rather to keep things in their proper context, and to not let someone else’s insensitivities harm your self esteem. A lot of people in the world have no manners whatsoever – and when I encounter people like this, I say to myself, “it is not her fault, it is her parent’s fault” … because they obviously did not raise her properly.

If you have not dated in a while, remember that it can be a jungle out there in the midlife dating world. You may be very interested in pursuing a particular woman who (unbeknownst to you) thinks you are a total dork. [Maybe she is attracted to men with ponytails and tattoos, and your expensive Italian suit flat out turns her faucet off.] You approach her, and ask her out – and she responds with something rude. Don’t let it bother you – just move on to the next opportunity, and (whatever you do) do not keep pursuing her. Don’t take her rejection of you personally, and don’t let it harm your self-esteem. Remember – there is someone out there for everyone … sometimes it just takes a little while to figure out what type of woman you can successfully pursue given your own attributes (looks, personality, wealth, charm, etc.).

Not taking things too personally is also true AFTER you have started dating a woman during your midlife bachelorhood. Minimizing critical female feedback might be difficult for you – as perhaps from being married for a long period of time prior, you could be sick of having your mate continuously tear you down piece by piece. Maybe for years during your marriage, your ex-wife told you that you are a fat, balding, insensitive bastard. Or maybe your ex-wife used to tell you that are an asshole, and that you never listen to anyone except yourself. [I may have even been told some of these things myself – hmmmm.] Anyway – the point is that women often say a lot of things that are not exactly productive in a relationship, and my suggestion to all midlife bachelors is that you never take harsh words or criticisms too personally … especially when they are said during a heated argument.

Perhaps the greatest thing about being a midlife bachelor is that you are not married! This means that the significance of anything that is said to you is all up to your own interpretation. If you don’t think it is valid, then ignore it. If it upsets you, you can either ask the woman to leave or simply not speak with her anymore. [You can also yell at her – but that usually doesn’t help things.] My position on criticism is this – feedback is welcome, criticism is unwelcome. What is the difference between “feedback” and “criticism”? Feedback is constructive and positive whereas criticism is negative and counterproductive. I would consider being told that I shouldn’t eat pizza because I am a fat bastard as an example of negative criticism. I would respond more favorably to being told something like, “Let’s eat healthy for the next several weeks and maybe go to the gym” as an example of positive feedback.

Next >>> Fundamental Truth #2 (continued) ...