Dealing with jealousy is often painful. You may be a jealous person yourself and thus unwittingly foster, magnify, or amplify the situation. Jealously is always rooted in feelings of insecurity - so keep that in mind. Sometimes women are jealous because of things that have happened to them in their past, or (more likely) in the recent past ... such as having had their last boyfriend cheat on them. The fact is - the more secure you can make a woman feel, the more likely you are to potentially minimize her jealous feelings and actions. I say "potentially" because I have seen some crazy women who were so jealous that it didn't matter what a guy did - they were always crazy-jealous. And wow - are those the tough ones to deal with. Sometimes you have to make the call that it is not worth continuing.
Okay - now for some examples. The first comes from my own past, a woman named Regina who I loved dearly, who I had the best and most glorious sex with, and who lived with me. [I also wrote about Regina and some of her episodes in the crazy woman section entitled, "Crazy Woman Example - She is Always Upset with You", and also "Crazy Woman Example - She Hates Your Friends".] Regina was kind of a fireball Latina who I met at work during a conference. She worked in customer service, and I was one of the sales staff. To be honest, in the five years or so prior to dating Regina, I had made my rounds through her department ... and had earned the reputation of being a guerrilla dater (hit and run). When I met Regina, and we spent some time together - I thought that she was the perfect woman for me in every way ... she was beautiful, seemed to have a great attitude, wanted children, and had just come out of a bad marriage where her husband had cheated on her. Things were great - for a while ... and then over time, as always, a person's true inner persona gradually appears.
Regina believed that I was cheating on her left and right. The reality is that I never did cheat on her at all. Yes - I spoke to other women (oh nooooo - not that), but there was really no basis for her to think I was out scamming on other women. I was even engaged to Regina, and that did not calm her down. Now I did tend to perhaps drink a little more than I should have during that time period - and Regina was certainly no fan of me coming home drunk ... but being drunk and cheating are two entirely different things. The reality of that time period was that Regina was always on me ... she was constantly asking me where I had been, who I had met up with, where I was going, what time would I be back. Granted - these questions might not seem entirely strange to someone reading this right now ... but at the time, I was constantly being hammered with this stuff. Even if I was going to work, I got the third degree - and it got old in a hurry. Now things got really political if Regina saw me actually talking to another woman - holy cow! I remember one time in particular, I was trying to be extra nice to one of my friend's wife (in front of my friend, of course), and Regina thought that I was paying way too much attention to her ... and she made such a fuss that it was embarrassing. It was almost child-like.
After Regina moved in with me, I thought that things would calm down. ; Surely she would see that I am not out cheating on her. In fact, I'm normally kind of a home-body type ... I like hanging around my home, watching TV, doing yard work, washing my cars, doing home improvement projects, etc. I have to admit that before Regina moved in with me - knowing that she was extremely jealous, I went through my entire home, garage, storage, everything ... and got rid of absolutely ANYTHING from any previous girlfriends or women. I did this JUST IN CASE Regina might stumble upon something, and have a fit. Well guess what - while I was at work each day, sure enough Regina was going through literally EVERYTHING ... looking for even the slightest evidence of me cheating. Well you know what is coming, right? Yes - she found something. Not a love letter, not a photo nor a gift or anything like that. No - she looked in the one place that it honestly never occurred to me to sanitize ... my email! Now today, one would think that email is so common that this would be the first place to clean out. This however was back in 1998, and although email was used, to me it was not a mainstay in terms of communication (like it is today). What I'm saying here is that there wasn't much if anything for me to clean out in my email. But if someone is looking, really looking, for something - they ARE going to find it ... and what she found was one email thread between me and a Persian girlfriend that I had parted ways with prior to meeting Regina. I read the email after Regina pointed it out to me, and it was fairly incriminating ... but it all was before I met Regina. So my response at the time was, "Look - I'm sorry you read this ... but it was before I knew you, and you really had no business whatsoever going through my private email." All of this actually pissed me off enormously because I realized how hard she must have been looking to find that one email out of many hundreds ... plus it also tipped me off that she had probably gone through everything else in my house, too. As all of this registered in my head, I got angry - I remember adding to my previous statement something to the effect of, "SOMEONE has a little too much time on their hands. If you spent as much time and energy looking for a fucking job as you have going through my stuff, ;then you'd be employed right now and we wouldn't be having this conversation."
Well you know what is coming next. She moved out - and my heart was broken. I felt both responsible for it happening, and also not responsible. I mean - I blew my top when I found out she was going through all of my stuff and my email ... but I also knew that she definitely had a real problem with jealousy for her to go to those extreme lengths. I loved her so much though. I never really got over her.
Another great example of jealousy has to do with my good buddy, Greg, and his wife, Tiffany. Tiffany has appeared throughout this site in various examples. She is the very attractive blonde who is extremely insecure about her looks ... and who is so jealous of anything or anyone that takes the attention of my buddy, Greg, away from her - that she forces that person or thing out of my friend's life by making it such a major issue. I have previously described Tiffany as a crazy woman who hates Greg's friends, and also as a woman who is never happy. She actually shares these traits with my former love, Regina - but Tiffany takes it way past anything or anyone else I've ever seen. Greg and I were the best of friends before he met Tiffany. We were such good friends that we used to refer to ourselves as "The Gregs". Each of the Gregs could always tell what the other would say in a given situation - we thought about stuff exactly the same. The Gregs were a couple of happy friends who hung around a lot, and had a lot of fun playing pool, barbequing, going jet skiing, going to dinner, etc. We were best buddies. And then Tiffany showed up, and started dating my buddy, Greg. After a year or so (when people typically start letting their true colors show), Tiffany began getting more and more critical of me. She didn't really enjoy my sense of humor, and used it against me by telling Greg that she didn't like my jokes or my sarcasm ... and that she didn't want me around them. And that was fine. Actually, as it turned out - I was just the first to go. Greg's father was next - as Tiffany decided that Greg enjoyed being around his Dad just a little too much, so she got Greg to think that his father took advantage of him financially, and that his father drank too much, etc. So Greg's father was banned - at least for a while. To make a long story short, it became very obvious over a six-month period or so that anything that took Greg's attention away from Tiffany was going to cause a problem. Getting Greg to recognize this was somewhat of a chore. He married Tiffany, and because he is a Christian believed that nothing should interfere with a man's relationship with his wife. For a time, Greg even told me that he and I could not be friends - and man did that ever piss me off. Over time, Greg realized that what he really had on his hands was a crazy wife - and that he needed his friends and his family in his life to help him cope with her craziness. There is no happy end to this particular story - Greg is still married to Tiffany, and she continues to make his life difficult.
Just about all of us have had a crazy jealous girlfriend of some sort in our past. The extreme examples of Regina and Tiffany are good lessons - just in case you have not had a REALLY jealous girlfriend before. They are out there - and they are evil, even though they don't realize it. These two women are really good-looking - so the insecurity behind their jealousy is unrelated to anything physical, rather it is all mental on their part. When faced with a jealous girlfriend, you the midlife bachelor have got to make a conscious decision as to whether the woman is worth the mental pain and anguish she is causing you. If the sex is great, then that may mask your ability to think clearly ... but sooner or later you will see the light, and know whether you did the right thing by staying with the woman. Don't try to cure jealousy - that is what mental health professionals (and years of therapy) are for. As a midlife bachelor, you don't have that kind of time on your hands - you've got other places to go, other women to meet!
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