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Midlife Bachelor

September 17, 2007
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One of my good friends for various reasons basically imported then married a woman from the Philippines earlier this year.  He used some website to meet her – and did all of this because at the time he was 42 years old, had never been married, and suddenly decided he just HAD to be married.  [Clearly the idea of HAVING TO BE MARRIED so suddenly in one’s early forties is a pure midlife crisis issue – which you can read about in the Your Midlife Crisis section of this site.]  No – my friend couldn’t get a date here in Southern California to save his life … which is why he did this mail order thing.  [If this is the first part of that you are reading … then the answer your next question is – no, I am not him!  I’m a divorced serial dater with a long list of former girlfriends in my rearview mirror.]   This particular friend of mine is one of my best friends – and has been since roughly the third grade.  So I know him and his situation pretty well.  I purposely am not using names in this article – just to avoid any potential embarrassment … so try not to be offended when I use adjectives to describe everyone involved.

This past January, the mail order bride arrived on a fiancé visa from the Philippines.  My friend and this woman were married in a very simple ceremony in April – and since then have been happily cohabitating.  Living in Southern California has posed a number of challenges to my friend’s new wife – one of which is trying to make friends here.  She does not drive – my friend has been afraid to teach her.  [I guess driving in the Philippines is very different than driving over here?]  Anyway – she doesn’t drive … she rides a bike.  So I think it is fair to say that she is challenged from a mobility standpoint because you cannot really go anywhere or do anything in Southern California without a car. She has, by default, become what I call a Housecat type of woman - as defined in the Types of Women subsection of the site (within the Dating Advice section entitled Fundamental Truths about Women and Midlife Dating Today).

Another husband-related challenge the new bride unknowingly faces is that pretty much all of his friends’ wives or girlfriends do not like him … and this includes my current girlfriend.  My friend in the past has said a lot of racist things … which I won’t repeat here … but dialog of that nature goes over pretty badly in the social melting pot that composes Southern California.  Me – I’m white … and my girlfriend is pure Mexican … as in “born in Mexico City”.   My friend has been in a construction-related business for many years … but swears that his business was eroded by illegal immigrants.   And thus he has been one of the more vocal/outspoken critics of all immigrants for years.  For those types of remarks – plus others that I won’t bother with right now … just about all of my friend’s friends’ wives or girlfriends don’t like him.  This is all the “backdrop” … the “social landscape” … a picture I paint for you before I get to the meat of the story.

My friend’s wife has been going stir crazy inside the house.  We are in September right now – she has been here since January.  She only rides a bike, and has not made any friends here.  My friend has tried to get me to get my girlfriend to entertain the mail order bride – but my Latina girlfriend will have nothing to do with the entire situation.  She thinks the whole thing is wrong, wrong, wrong.  How can someone who for so long has criticized immigrants bring a mail order immigrant here, and then expect everyone to embrace his hypocrisy?  This is a legitimate complaint.  I try to ignore the hypocrisy because the guy is like my brother … a friend since childhood, etc., etc. etc.   Anyway, apparently this past week, my friend talked a different friend of his (who I do not personally know) into having that friend’s girlfriend take the mail order bride out for a “girl’s night out” on Saturday.  Sounded like a great idea – the mail order bride would get to make some new friends, and get out of the house for an evening.  I fully endorse the concept!

Now since my buddy thought he had successfully arranged for his mail order wife to go out on the town for “girl’s night out” – he figured he’d invite me and another of his friends over to his house to drink beer … and then go for a burger at the local restaurant row.  This was a solid plan – which I also fully endorse.  Anyone who is married or otherwise imprisoned in a relationship (ha ha) needs some time with friends … plus men like to drink with other men, and talk about their women.   Nothing is wrong with this!        Continued on next page >>>

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