Midlife Bachelor

December 16 , 2007
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Two different female friends of mine very recently asked my opinion on why they cannot seem to find a boyfriend or even date successfully.  Since we have a fair number of female readers here at midlifebachelor.com, I thought I would describe their two situations – and also what I told them.  Maybe it will apply to you – maybe not.  Or maybe you have a different opinion on what I should have told them? Maybe the midlife bachelors here have something to say about it?

These two female friends of mine are named Maria and Laura.  They do not know each other, and are complete polar opposites in every respect.  Laura is a thin, athletic-looking wealthy trust fund heiress who lives in a million dollar home in Del Mar, CA (near San Diego).   Maria is a plus-sized but very pretty Latina who works in the real estate industry – and is barely scraping by.  I have known each of these women for more than 15 years.  I’ll go into some detail so you can see where I think they have some unique challenges concerning dating, and what my thoughts are concerning what they should do.   I’ve turned this into two separate articles, as I wrote more about each than I initially planned.   Below is the article on Laura (who is negative about EVERYTHING);  the other article covers Maria (who is overweight but pretty, but whose raunchy mouth scares away all decent men).

Laura – Everything is Negative to Her
My friend, Laura, has a great life.  She is worth several millions of dollars via a family trust fund – and she doesn’t have to work.  Laura is a divorced single mother of one – she has a five-year old daughter in kindergarten.   Laura basically has everything she wants – except a boyfriend … and she cannot figure out why she cannot attract a good quality man (or any man, pretty much). 

When you talk to Laura, the first thing that anyone notices about her is that she is down on everything and everyone.  She came to visit me in the city near LA that I live in – and one of the first things she always says is how LA sucks.   The traffic sucks, the crime sucks, the people suck, there are no good restaurants, there are no single people in LA, etc. etc. etc.   Laura came by my home around 6 p.m., and so I told her that we should go get something to eat together.  I asked her what kind of food she was in the mood for – and she went into a short lecture about what kind of food she hated …  she hates Thai food, she hates Indian food, she hates seafood.   Uhhh wait – I had to stop her, and ask her again the same question “What kind of food do you like, not what kind of food do you hate?”  She said that Italian was fine.   So I drive her over to a local Italian restaurant … and as we are getting out of the car, she barks out something like, “This restaurant isn’t a dump, is it?”  Not by a long shot – it was a very nice restaurant … but my friend had been in my presence for maybe 20 minutes at this point, and I was ready to tell her to please shut the fuck up and stop being so negative … but I did not.

At dinner, Laura told me about how there are no quality single people in San Diego.  She said she never meets anyone, and that online dating has nothing but loser men on it.  She wanted to know what I thought she should do in order to attract a man – as I’m known among my friends as being the one who always has a girlfriend, or who never goes without a girlfriend for very long.   Here is a short list of what I told her:

  1. Focus on thinking and saying positive thoughts – right now she is way too negative, and it turns everyone off
  2. There are plenty of good quality single men and women in San Diego (or anywhere) – you just have to open your eyes to see them
  3. You have to put yourself out there as a single, available woman – which she is not doing at all currently
  4. Consider loosening her sky-high expectations.  Lower her standards to something realistic

    Continued on next page >>>

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