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I lost my Wife, my kids lost there Mom

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  • I lost my Wife, my kids lost there Mom

    My wife of 10yrs just walk out. We are lesbian couple we adopted 3 beautiful kids, May she text I LOVE YOU you are my LIFE you and my kids are my world.. by end of may I seen her cold I ask she ok she finally said I am no longer in LOVE and says I have lost myself i need to find me for almost 9yrs i gave myself to ya and lost myself and she when on, and by June she had an apartment purchased all New furniture,started changing appearance and always saying am doing me FINALLY in the process I lost my best friend my soulmate my wife and my kids lost there mom.. I at first DIDN'T understand how can someone change over night so many emotions I wanted to shake her to wake up but I had to stay strong for our 3 kids we have two 9yrs old and 8yrs old they felt lost they didn't understand how can she abandon them. Finally she started seeing them but is very cold towards them doesn't hug them they say she always texting and laughing and having New FRIEND mind you she was an amazing MOM she baked with them before she would made sure they always have love NOW they barely get a hug. I am lost how can this happen we where iterally the perfect couple we had our days but alway talk it out. We wanted and valued FAMILY. I don't recognize her she went from I am not in love to i never LOVED you to pretty bad THINGS have came out her mouth i feel she regrets the last 10yrs of us. I never THOUGHT this could happen to me to us. But she listens when i tell her i LOVE her and her kids LOVE her. She will have her moments of anger but i learn to stay out her way because the more i talk she would twist anything I said to negative I am honestly lost and HURT because I truly LOVE her. All I do is take a day at a time with my kids. I always remind them how much she loves them mommy just needs time away but all we keep doing is praying everyday for her and I go through old videos so they remember the once amazing mom.

    I hope anyone here has any better advice PLEASE let me know.
    Thank you

  • #2
    Get a lawyer now. Seriously. File for divorce asap. This will be the first step in taking control of your life back. Go completely no contact and communicate only through your attorney at this time. Do not beg, do not stalk, do not grovel, or offer to change. Nothing will work. There is no bargaining in this. Your marriage is done when they tell you they're no longer in love with you. Believe her.

    This didn't just happen. She's been planning this for a while and will not "suddenly" see the light and come back. She was probably banging her "new friend" while she was still living with you.
    Get a lawyer and divorce her disloyal ass. You have three babies to pay attention to. She doesn't want to parent and she doesn't want to be with you.

    Once the dust settles and the pain becomes a little more tolerable, you'll discover that there are tons of people who are not assholes.

    Rooting through the garbage is pointless.

    Good luck and stay centered. This too, shall pass.


    • #3
      I think Lawnguy pretty well covered it. I think pretty much the same thing - although I would probably have delivered the same message a bit more gently.

      You also might consider what I call the "substitution method" - which means I suggest you go out, and find some temporary happiness in the arms of another. You may have to wait until your emotions calm down a bit, but honestly that is exactly what I did when my wife cheated on me (many years ago), and it felt great at that time. Do so when you are ready - and you will know when you are ready. Good luck!

      Oh - if you want a free copy of my ebook, How to Successfully Recover from Having Been Cheated On - just say the word and I will email it to you at the email address you registered for the account on this forum with. Recovering from being cheated on is a PROCESS ... and the book goes into that process in a lot of depth.


      • #4
        I am sorry this happened to you. Law guy and Gregory are right, you need to cut your contact with her. Whether she planned this or not is irrelevant, love is irrelevant as well. It is about survival. She destroyed your previous life, do not let her destroy you or your children. I know it is hard. I was married for 22 years and it took every bit of my strength to keep going. You can do this. The problem with jumping into a new thing is when you have all those raw emotions and need for validation you become easy pickings for players. If you keep your kids out if and you practice safe sex, tread carefully and keep your heart protected. I am sure there is more going on than you realize. Take your time and make no irrevocable decisions until the smoke clears and you feel emotionally stable.