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Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success

Step 1:  Set your short-term and long-term dating objectives / page 4

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Understanding your current needs versus your longer-term needs.   So far I’ve talked about a number of different inputs to the thought process that goes into establishing your dating objectives.  How long you’ve been single plays a large role in determining your true mental readiness to pursue a real relationship.  I’ve also asked you to think about whether you want to stay single, and also whether you are better off being single … although you should recognize that your answers to those particular questions might change over time.  I also exposed the notion of rebound behavior – which is common in the newest of midlife bachelors … who pursue women out of fear of being single.   All of the aforementioned are things you should be thinking about … how they apply to you, and how your own self-judgment might be influenced by these various factors.   I can guide you through some of these and other influences – but you have to be the one to have a level head, and make the final call about what affects you the most, and the best way for you as an individual to proceed.

With everything I’ve just said, think about what you feel your needs are.  You have current needs, and you have longer-term needs, right?  If you are a brand-new midlife bachelor, your current needs might just be to get a damn date … any date.   And there is nothing wrong with that.   Just keep it all in perspective.  In other words, in the shorter-term try to focus on how to meet women and how to ask them out on a date … how to go out on a date … how to act on a date (maybe how NOT to act on a date) … where to go on a date, etc.  A good short-term objective for any newer midlife bachelor is simply “dating”.  Note that “dating” is different than the rebound scenario I described earlier … where my buddy, James, was on a relentless pursuit of all women within an eye-shot.  In other words, don’t be relentless and pursue everything in sight … instead choose wisely.  Think rifle shot (not shotgun).

While in the short-term a casual dating strategy might be best for you to pursue, in the long-run many of us know in our hearts that we need a relationship … and it is perfectly fine and normal to have that as your longer-term goal.  You just don’t want to rush into such a relationship … especially if you are fresh out of the gates as a midlife bachelor.  Most of us should give casual dating a try for a while before pursuing something long-term.   You should try hanging out with different types of women to see which one is the kind you think you could stay with for a long period of time.   You should also be aware of the various Types of Women I described in the section entitled Some Fundamental Truths about Women and Midlife Dating Today … keeping in mind that most women won’t show their true colors for some number of months.  But they eventually do, and then you can with certainty place them into one or more of the categories I described.  As time goes on, it will get easier for you – you will know what type of women are compatible … truly compatible with you.   And I don’t necessarily just mean the ones with big tits, although those are certainly a major bonus.

Define your objectives.   With everything I’ve just given you to think about, your head must be spinning.  There is a lot to keep in mind.  There are so many possible inputs and influences that can impact the short- and long-term dating objectives that you are about to set for yourself.  How can you possibly pull it all together and know that you are making the right choices?   The best way is for you to take a look at the following chart that shows the Midlife Bachelor Objective Roadmap, and see where you personally are at.   The left side of the chart shows the steps every midlife bachelor must take in order to get through the various hurdles of being a new bachelor, and ultimately wind up being successful at having a long-term relationship.   The right side shows ROUGHLY when these milestones might be achieved time-wise into your bachelorhood.

Midlife Bachelor Objective Roadmap

                                Objective --------------- Rough Bachelor Timeline
Midlife Bachelor Roadmap Diagram

When you are a brand-new midlife bachelor, you pretty much have to start at the very top and progressively work your way down through the various milestones.  You cannot skip any of the steps – nor can you rush your way through it all … lest you have to start over.  [For example, if you have been a brand-new midlife bachelor fresh out of a 10+ year marriage … and hook up with a woman after three months, and decide that “she’s it”, “the one”, “your next wife”, then you have fallen victim to the rebound scenario, and should be prepared for reality to catch up with you.  [When that happens, please start again at the top of the chart.]

As outlined in this and previous sections, all midlife bachelors have to start with the basics – your personal appearance.  Next work on your attitude and social skills … while focusing on keeping your past in your past.  You’ll then need to focus on getting a date and going on dates, until you can experience success at both … which means actually getting dates AND having fun on those dates.  Finally, as you mature through midlife bachelorhood – you’ll get to the point that not just any date will do.  Now you can focus on dating a woman who you really want to go out with (which we’ll discuss shortly).  Once you can do that, you are probably ready for your next long-term relationship.   And after you are seriously involved with someone you love – that is when you can consider your midlife bachelorhood a thing of the past (regardless of whether you actually get married or not).

Notice in the chart that the “perpetual bachelor” is placed right up with the brand-new midlife bachelor.  The reason for doing so is that perpetual bachelors have one or more issues that prevent them from succeeding … and they really need to admit to themselves that they need to start at square one.  [In fairness, ALL midlife bachelors need to make sure they address each of the steps … so really everyone starts at the beginning.]   I’m not necessarily saying that all midlife bachelors (perpetual or otherwise) have personal appearance or hygiene challenges – but I am saying that regardless of who you are, it makes a lot of sense to take a good overall look at yourself … and pay particular attention to many of the details that I call out.   You’ve perhaps heard the expression “the devil is in the details”?  That is exactly what I’m talking about.   You could be the nicest guy in the whole world – but if your teeth are jacked up, then who is going to want to kiss you?   Or maybe you are the best-looking guy around – but the trash you talk makes you unattractive to all after the first ten minutes of conversation with you.   You get the idea – no one is perfect, and everyone can benefit if you optimize the totality of yourself for success as a midlife bachelor.

Next >>> Step 2:  Conquer the Basics and Start Dating 

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Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success

   Step 1:  Set your short-term & long-term dating objectives

        How long have you been single?

        Do you want to stay single?

        Are you better off being single?

        Rebound – Does fear of being single drive your behavior?

        Understanding your current needs vs your longer-term needs

        Define your objectives

               Midlife Bachelor Objective Roadmap

   Step 2:  Conquer the Basics and Start Dating   

        Developmental Dating

               Identify a Potential Date

               Asking for the Date

               The First Date with Any Woman

               Watch for Signs or Signals

                     The Look

               Saying Goodnight or Goodbye on the First Date or Two

                     Goodnight kiss

               The Three Date Rule

                     Time to Dump her?

               What’s Next After Three Dates?

        Lead Generation – Finding New Women to Date

               Get Out and Be Seen

                    Always Say Something

                          Use What You’ve Got 

                                Exploit your personal strengths

                                Minimize Your Weaknesses

                    Maximize Your Opportunities

                          Plant seeds in the overall community of women

                          Leverage your friendships

                               Go on a Blind Date

                          Pick the low-hanging fruit first

               Make use of Today’s Technology – Internet Dating

   Step 3:  Figure out what kind of woman you are looking for and date her

        How do you know what the right kind of woman for you is?

        Focus on Meeting the Right Type of Woman 

   Step 4:  Periodic Re-evaluation of your Midlife Bachelor Strategy