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Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success

Step 2:  Conquer the Basics and Start Dating >> Lead Generation/page 2

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Get Out and Be Seen
In order to meet new women, you’ve got to get out of the house and be seen.  This means doing things outside of work that expose you to the world.  It could mean going to the gym.  It could mean going to happy hour with existing or new friends once each week.  It could mean having coffee regularly at the local nearby coffee shop.  It could mean taking a class somewhere, or joining some sort of interest group.  It could mean volunteering somewhere.   Or it could mean all of these things – but it really depends on you, what kind of time you have on your hands, what personal interests you have, etc.  The bottom line is that you have to “go public” – see and be seen.  Women covet what they see – so they’ve got to see you in order to want to know more.

Always Say Something  – given that you have now “gone public”, and are out and about … you’ve got to focus on being outgoing, friendly, and approachable.   Try your best to always say something, anything to women.   It doesn’t have to just be your target women – you can be conversational will all women.  In fact, sometimes it helps to develop as many new friendships with women overall (even unavailable women) because it may lead to them wanting to introduce you to one of their single friends.  Plus you might just need the conversational practice, too.  In other words, when you are out in the world, you shouldn’t be hitting on all women all of the time (as that is cheesy) … many times just normal conversation is good.  I’ve found that the best bet is just to always say something … anything.  If you are standing in line for something, make an appropriate comment to the woman in front of you.   “Have you been standing here long?”  “I know this line moves really slowly – hope you are not in a hurry.”  “Are those boobs real?”  Okay – so I’m just kidding with the boob comment … you would NEVER want to say that!  Make sure whatever you say is reasonably friendly – and make sure that you have a happy look on your face … as you don’t want to scare anyone, right?

Use What You’ve Got.   Every single one of us knows what our strengths are out in the world – take advantage of your strengths.  For example - if dressing up is your thing, then use it strategically … be dressed up when you are out and about, as you may attract more women that way.  Plus you might unconsciously feel better about yourself, and somehow become just a little bit more charming.  If you are exceptionally good-looking, use that to your advantage … good looks can overcome many things like marginal conversation skills, for example.   If you are rich as hell – then use that to your advantage … maybe pay for everyone’s drinks, possibly drop a story or two about your recent European vacation, etc.   Whatever you do – don’t overblow it.   There is a fine line between exposing one’s strengths (like wealth) through carefully dialog versus embellishment or braggartism.   One of my very wealthy friends is a major braggart – constantly talking about himself … saying things like “I am building my mansion as a monument to myself”.  UGHHHH!    I love the guy, but I can only tolerate him for several hours before he really starts getting on my nerves.   Now some women might be fascinated with this type of bragging … but most of the women I have dated could not stand to listen to the guy.   My main message to you, the midlife bachelor, here is to exploit your personal strengths , and use them to your advantage.  

Minimize Your Weaknesses.  Just as we each know what our strengths are, we also know our own respective weaknesses.   Keep those weaknesses hidden, or underexposed if at all possible – that way they are less likely to interfere with your success with women.   What kind of weaknesses?  There is a whole range of major and minor weaknesses that midlife bachelors have.   Here are several of mine.   An obvious one is golf.   I hate golf, and I never play it because I don’t have the patience for it.   So if I were to be invited to a singles golf excursion – would I go?  Hell no – I’d look like a complete idiot!  A more typical weakness I have is dancing – I have absolutely no rhythm whatsoever.  Not to say that I won’t go dancing … as heaven knows that if you get enough alcohol in me, I will hit the dance floor with the confidence of a professional.   But the way I dance is just wrong and awful – it just shouldn’t be done.  If I don’t receive any criticism about how I dance, then the woman I’m with is being very polite.  You get the idea – you know what your personal weaknesses are … sometimes you may be able to train yourself out of them … but in large part, when you are out there dating or attempting to meet new women, your best bet is to do everything possible to minimize your weaknesses.

Maximize Your Opportunities
As a midlife bachelor, part of “getting out and being seen” means maximizing all of your potential opportunities to meet new women.  You’ve heard me discuss all of this in previous sections, so hopefully it is obvious.  You need to:

  1. Plant seeds in the overall community of women .   This means being nice overall, and making new female friends wherever you go.  The idea is that if enough women know you are single, you will eventually be introduced to their single friends.
  2. Leverage your friendships .   Be proactive with respect to networking through your friendships.  Ask your friends about specific women they know – there really is no harm in this.  For example, one of my neighbors has this friend named Tracy who I briefly met while she was walking my neighbor’s dog.  I asked my neighbor a lot of questions about Tracy, and told her that I thought her friend was HOT STUFF.  Now I have not been single since I met Tracy – so I there is no opportunity for me to capitalize on this act of networking … but I’ve spoken to Tracy several times since all of this, and I can tell that she is interested in me.   All it would take is me being single, and asking her out once – that would be an instant hookup.
  3. Go on a Blind Date .   Wow – blind dates are risky, but if you are truly maximizing your opportunities, then you will entertain doing this.  There is an element of trust involved – and also just plain random luck.  But if you are planting your seeds [item 1)] and leveraging your friendships [item 2)], then at some point you will cross the blind date bridge – and you should go for it.   Why?  Because the golden rule of midlife bachelorhood is ALWAYS GO FOR IT!  Okay – there’s that golden rule PLUS you probably need the dating practice.   If your blind date turns out to be a no-go in terms of a dating partner, remember to be nice to her … and turn her into a friend.  That way you can at least possibly network through her, right?
  4. Pick the low-hanging fruit first .   As a midlife bachelor, you probably need any dating practice you can get … so date anyone you can in order to get some experience under your belt (ha ha).   In other words, date who you can at first – and use those experiences to “find your center” so that you become more in-tune with what you like and dislike in a woman, on a date, etc.   Part of maturing as a midlife bachelor involves graduating to the next level of “dating who you want” … but it might be best for you to learn your lessons while first dating someone/anyone more casually. 

In the context of “lead generation”, you as a midlife bachelor need to do everything I’ve mentioned in order to maximize your own personal opportunities to meet new women.  None of what I’ve discussed necessarily comes easy.  In fact, it can be downright scary for those bachelors who were married for a very long period of time.  It might seem like a set of huge hurdles to overcome – but (just like anything else), if you break everything down into individual well-thought-out manageable steps, then you can really do it.  And you’ve got to try … because if you do not try, then you might just wind up a lonely old man someday.

Next >>> Make use of Today's Technology - Internet Dating

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Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success

   Step 1:  Set your short-term & long-term dating objectives

        How long have you been single?

        Do you want to stay single?

        Are you better off being single?

        Rebound – Does fear of being single drive your behavior?

        Understanding your current needs vs your longer-term needs

        Define your objectives

               Midlife Bachelor Objective Roadmap

   Step 2:  Conquer the Basics and Start Dating   

        Developmental Dating

               Identify a Potential Date

               Asking for the Date

               The First Date with Any Woman

               Watch for Signs or Signals

                     The Look

               Saying Goodnight or Goodbye on the First Date or Two

                     Goodnight kiss

               The Three Date Rule

                     Time to Dump her?

               What’s Next After Three Dates?

        Lead Generation – Finding New Women to Date

               Get Out and Be Seen

                    Always Say Something

                          Use What You’ve Got 

                                Exploit your personal strengths

                                Minimize Your Weaknesses

                    Maximize Your Opportunities

                          Plant seeds in the overall community of women

                          Leverage your friendships

                               Go on a Blind Date

                          Pick the low-hanging fruit first

               Make use of Today’s Technology – Internet Dating

   Step 3:  Figure out what kind of woman you are looking for and date her

        How do you know what the right kind of woman for you is?

        Focus on Meeting the Right Type of Woman 

   Step 4:  Periodic Re-evaluation of your Midlife Bachelor Strategy