|GIANT MAN HASN'T HAD GIRLFRIEND IN 10 YEARS|
DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR: Well, it took me over a month to make the final decision in regard to submitting this letter, I have a lot of pride, but I need help and understanding.
A little about me, I am a 38 y/o man who is well respected and admired by his colleagues and friends. I am gainfully employed, tall, confident, athletic and outgoing. here is my problem, I haven't had a girlfriend in over 10 years. The major reason I let this happen, was to focus on my career goals, and I sacrificed my social life to gain the status I have now. Some of my friends, who have known me for that length of time, never saw me with a woman. I compensated by having sex with "call girls", and a few one night stands in between. Most of my friends have successfully made the transition from bachelor to married life, and I am very proud of them because they turned out to be great husbands and fathers. Now, their wives/girlfriends, my co-workers and even my friends children are asking "where is your wife? Or Girlfriend?" with a tone of curiosity and surprise in their voice, to appease that question, I just give them the impression that I am a
"player". My friends care about me, so I should have told them I had problems meeting women, and they could've made a serious effort to introduce me to women in their circles. But I didn't, because strong A-type guys like me shouldn't have this problem, and where I come from, if you can't get a girl, you are less than and man and would be shunned.
Well, four months ago, I asked my best friend to meet for drinks, because I had something important to discuss. During our conversation, I told him I haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years, he laughed and thought it was a joke, until he noticed the look on my face. He was so distraught and visibly shaken that he had to exit the restaurant for some fresh air. When he returned, he said we are going to work through this. Now the situation gets very interesting, he begin to tell me that most women thought that I was a great guy and handsome, but they also thought I was too big (not fat). I am 6'8" and 330lbs of muscle (think of a defensive end or tackle), even though I don't have a six-pack, my body fat hovers between 15-19% during the year which is better than most Americans. I fell out laughing, because women cannot be that shallow? Upon further inquires and examination of past experiences, I did realize that a lot of women look at me like a novelty, something that is cool, but not to be taken seriously. Another female friend of mine said "she didn't want to hurt me, but I am very intimidating and just too big". The straw that broke the camel's back has to do with a woman I have been dating for two months. I thought everything was going great, we always had plenty to talk about, laughed a lot and had great sex. Until she stopped calling, I ran into a mutual friend of ours and this person informed me that the woman I was dating told her the following, "I think he is an awesome man, but I wish I can take his personality and put it on another body". Ok, I would have never thought in a million years, my body type would be the source of my problems with women committing to me. I love lifting weights, and I have too much self-esteem to change my hobby and appearance to please a woman. On the other side of the coin, I am suffering from loneliness, and don't know how much longer I can live like this. What should I do?
MIDLIFE BACHELOR ANSWER: Thanks for writing in. Yours is definitely an interesting and unusual situation. It sounds like you can get dates, but it is a RELATIONSHIP that you want, and cannot seem to land. I know you believe that it is only because of your enormous size ... and that might be ONE key factor ... but I've got to believe that your size alone is not what is preventing you from succeeding with respect to landing a successful relationship with a woman you want. I'd suggest that you carefully self-analyze - and see if any fine-tuning is in order. [Remember - even a Ferrari needs a tune-up once in a while, right?] Anyway - I usually recommend the following section of midlifebachelor.com to guys who have not dated in a while, and I think it is worth you giving a look. It basically suggests that you re-evaluate both your outward appearance AND ALSO your attitude ... as both are extremely key components for any bachelor to successfully date:
The Midlife Bachelor Personal Makeover
I also recommend that you come up with a well-thought-out strategy or plan for taking yourself from where you are now to where you want to be with respect to a relationship. So check this section of midlifebachelor.com out - and use it as a guide to formulate your own plan:
Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success
Now I don't mean either of the above suggestions as "criticisms" ... they are simply things for you to consider. If you open yourself up to all possible ideas - that is when you are most likely to grow as a person, as you think outside your previous "box" ... and morph yourself into the person you want to be.
Another suggestion I have for you is that you get your numbers up. What I mean here is that I think you should start going on a lot of dates ... maybe try meeting women over the internet, etc. Sure - you will be rejected by some ... and sure, some of those may reject you because you are so large ... but ALL experiences (negative and positive) will help you grow as a person. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." What I'm getting at is - often times, dating is simply a numbers game ... and the more women you date, the more skilled you will become at recognizing when you have a potential winner. And vice versa - you become better at recognizing faster when one is not going to work out. I just think you might benefit from adding some dating experiences to your mental resume.
So give that all a go, and let me know what you think. I also suggest that you join our Midlife Forum here on midlifebachelor.com. We have a lot of good women and men there who can give you additional feedback:
The Midlife Forum - Discuss Anything. Regret Nothing.