What Mid-40s Men Want In a Woman

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Young Sexy Man Against in the Street at Night
What Mid-40s Men Want in a Woman
I surveyed a number of my good midlife male friends over the past several weeks – trying to figure out what most men our age WANT in a woman.  The results are not surprising, or maybe they are.  Not everything centered around breast size – although that did come up quite a bit.  Now I’m 43, and most of my close friends are between 40 and 45, and we all work in different industries.  I work in technology. The others are contractors and real estate agents. Some work in aerospace/defense, the legal profession, etc.  In other words, what you are about to see transcends educational levels and occupations. It reflects what all early to mid-forties men want, at least here in Southern California.  Here are the Top Five of what mid-40s men want in a woman:

1)  Brazilian Wax Job

2)  Financial Contributor to the Relationship

3)  Positive Mental Attitude

4)  Physical attributes are a definite bonus

5)  Wears tight clothes – but only if she is reasonably hot

1) Brazilian Wax Job
I found it amazing how many of us men find a Brazilian wax job so essential and sexy on a woman.  [If you don’t know what this is – it refers to a completely shaved or waxed vagina … no hair … oh yes!]  The truth is that not all women in their forties are willing to get a Brazilian wax job, and that is a shame because there is nothing less attractive than a hairy woman in today’s world.  The younger women “get it” … many of them are wholly waxed.  The difference from a man’s point of view is night and day. We favor the completely waxed look down there, even if we don’t admit it. Take this comment to the bank, ladies.

2) Financial Contributor to the Relationship
Being a “financial contributor to the relationship” means earning an income and being an economic asset (not a liability) to the male-female partnership.  Perhaps this attribute is a sign of the times … a tough economy … or maybe not.  The truth is that we men prefer that a woman is capable of standing on her own financially … not dependent upon us.  We don’t mind being the primary breadwinner – but we also don’t want to be funding any slackers.

3) Positive Mental Attitude
Having a girlfriend with a positive mental attitude is essential to us men.  A “positive mental attitude” means not being negative, being a happy person seeing the good in things and people and situations being adventurous in life (and in bed).  It means not being jealous.  Men want to be around happy women.

4) Physical Attributes are a Bonus
Not all men are pigs, but most of us are.  [I am, for example.]  We appreciate a good-looking woman, and what defines “good-looking” is unique to every man.  I enjoy a pretty face first and foremost, for example, but I’ve also been blessed in my past with several busty girlfriends who I have adored.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder – so ladies, please don’t think you need to be some perfect-looking petite hottie to snag a good midlife bachelor – no.  I guarantee you that no matter what you look like, a man right now thinks you are hot (even if you are built like a buffalo or a rhinoceros, which I would find disgusting, just FYI).

5) Wears Tight Clothes
We midlife men enjoy women who wear tight clothes – but only if you are at least reasonably hot.  “Reasonably hot” can mean a lot of different things.  The way to know if you are wearing some tight clothes that look hot on you is to see if you are getting any increased attention.  [If the “increased attention” is someone saying “that’s disgusting,” then you probably should not be wearing what you are wearing.]  I’m saying here: show off what you’ve got and only cover it up if it needs to be covered.  I know this is vague, but I also know everyone knows what I’m talking about.

So there you have it – the five most important things that men in their mid-40s look for in a woman.  Some of the other answers I heard from at least one of my friends include:

 – Nice teeth (show stopper if they are nasty)
– LESS TALKING (+1 for this one)
– Dresses professionally
– Non-smoking
– Shoulder-length hair
I- Not a heavy drinker
– DD-size breasts
– a lot of sex

and I would pretty much agree with all of those.  The “nice teeth” comment came from me – no one wants a girlfriend with jacked-up teeth – no way!

I received some early feedback before our COMMENTING FEATURE at the very bottom existed, and so here you go:

FEEDBACK from Serena, Age 41, South Carolina,…
I am saddened by the notion that midlife men don’t care at all about their intelligence and logic, but only their appearance and financial assets, and I’m not saying this as an ugly feminist either.  I mean, it’s okay with men if a woman erroneously believes that it’s ok to tax the middle class to death to pay for Obama’s form of socialized medicine, or you forward every dumb internet that comes your way as long as you look hot doing it.  Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, but I believe in the whole package, and I prefer an average-looking dude who is intelligent, logical and has a zest for life.  A belief in personal freedom and the freedom of others is paramount in my mind to the trait of logic.

I am finishing up repainting the downstairs half bath and tiling it. I am working on refinishing an old wrought iron bed frame that I got for free because someone was going to toss it, and I am refinishing our patio furniture.  I also have to design a header for one of my husband’s business networking blogs, and I will be power-washing the house this week.  I’m also working on a plan to landscape the yard from local plants, which should make the cost to us virtually nothing.

So although I am not currently bringing money into my relationship, I sure do things that save us loads of cash, plus that leaves me at home to be at my husband’s and the dog’s beck and call, and since he works from home, he likes that.


You are correct – intelligence pretty much never was mentioned by the people I talked to plus I tried my best not to influence any of the responses.  You also make an excellent point that didn’t surface and that is that “contributing to the relationship need not be solely financial.” Look at all the stuff YOU are doing … that is awesome!  Any man would LOVE to have a woman like you (a WORKHORSE)!  But since none of us do – and none of our previous women likely contribute as you do, it didn’t come up before!  So you make some excellent points. Remember – this short article was about what most guys think about when FIRST asked what they are looking for.  I didn’t give anyone any time to think through their answers… they were all spontaneous.

FEEDBACK from Liz, Age 44, Madison, TN, …
Whatever happened to independence, stability (and not only financial but emotional), kindness, laughter???  Personally, if I were told to choose between a man with incredible looks and were BORING or average looks, kind and funny … I’d go for the personality!!

Independence, stability (financial and emotional), kindness, laughter – are ALL important … but sadly, they are not the first things that pop into a man’s mind.  But I agree with you – those are extremely important.

FEEDBACK from Chris, Age 42,

I’m 42.  I don’t care a wit about Brazilian wax jobs.  While I agree with “making a financial contribution,” it’s more than financial: I want someone who can stand on her own two feet, contribute ideas, disagree with me when I’m off-track, and be sturdy when life is not quite as planned.  This is very important to me and very attractive too – it’s often visible on a first encounter.

Note that a bit of vulnerability can also be attractive and does not contradict strength and pluck.  We’re all simultaneously strong and vulnerable at the same time, in different measures.  But not too weak.

A positive mental attitude makes a big difference, mainly to keep the relationship going over time.  A negative attitude is an automatic block to attraction, and negative attitudes seem to increase with age in some people.  Laughing is very attractive (in both sexes).

Something else that is important to me: I want someone loving.  That’s a bit hard to define, but some are more so than others.

And yes, physical attributes are the center of it all.  Women might not like that, but I’ve come to accept that this is the truth.  This does NOT mean that you are out of luck after a certain age – I’ve found my attraction follows my age range (ok, it lags a little – I notice women in their thirties and forties).  I think women are more interested in men’s personalities than men are in women. However, I’ve been contradicted by female friends who say that women are just as interested in the physical attributes of men.  The point is – that this is the most crucial factor.  And yes, as he said, although certain features (blondes) are more popular with more people, beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

One big thing for me (and many men that I know) is weight matters.  Being overweight is an automatic disqualification for attraction.  This is very important.

Another automatic disqualification is smoking.

I don’t think intelligence is attractive for either gender and often is less attractive or corresponds to less attractive aspects of personality.  That said, stupidity, ignorance, and poor social skills are all automatic disqualifications for attractiveness.  Nobody wants to be embarrassed by their mate!  What IS attractive is a winning personality, and I think a certain amount of intelligence contributes to wit and quickness, which are beautiful in any gender. Social skills are their kind of intelligence (and you can be pretty dumb but have significant social intelligence and therefore be far more attractive than the brilliant nerd).

… here is the link: Midlife Forum – thread on Brazilian Wax Jobs

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.