NEW JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND TURNS PSYCHO
DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR: I've been dating this hot 38-year old divorcee for about three weeks, and I'd like to get your input on some things that have happened lately. I'm 42, and have been divorced for two years after having been married since I was 25 so dating is still kind of foreign to me. I met the 38-year old online, and we wound up in bed on our second date. She is very good-looking with maybe a few extra pounds on her but in the sack she is a monster. She makes a lot of noise when we f*ck, and usually comes multiple times. Each session we've gone at it 3 or 4 times which is great. In the short time we've been dating, I have become addicted to her sexually. And I have no problem with this. Actually it makes me think about what I've been missing out on all of these years.
The issue is that I've noticed her doing some jealous-type things that I really don't like. And then real recently she had a major cow about something that was completely misinterpreted by her. Let me elaborate. Once when she thought I was in another part of the house, I came around the corner and saw her going through my cell phone. Not sure if she was looking at texts or call
logs. Several other times, I did not actually SEE her doing this, but when I came back in the room where my phone was, I could see that its screen was lit up which means that she was handling it.
Another thing that happened that I just noticed for the first time was that I saw her drive by my house very late at night. She does not spend the night with me (at least not yet) because she has teenage daughters at home so if she is with me she usually goes home around 9:30 or 10 p.m. But I saw her drive by my house at 11 p.m., then again at around 11:45 p.m. She might have driven past more than that but those times I did see her. And she does not know that I could see her doing this, and I have not asked her about it - not yet. I only saw this one night but it could be happening more.
The major thing that happened last weekend was really bad. We were in a restaurant having dinner, and once of my best friend's daughters (who is 26) walked by our table, saw me, stopped, and gave me a great big hug and kiss on the cheek. My new girlfriend went ballistic and started screaming profanity at me right in the restaurant. She then stormed out without even waiting for an explanation, and took a cab home. There was nothing I did that was inappropriate, and this whole incident took place over the course of maybe 15 seconds. Our date was going great beforehand but turned on a dime. It was amazing. It was amazingly embarrassing. The whole restaurant was staring at me. I never even had a chance to introduce my friend's daughter to my girlfriend.
After about an hour, my cell phone started ringing and I didn't answer it. She called it 10 or so more times without me picking up before I turned it off. She then sent me several text message which say PLEASE CALL ME or similar. I went home and went to bed. I woke up to a ton of text messages and a handful of voice mails from her. The messages got increasingly apologetic and the last ones ask for a second chance. This was yesterday and I still have not called her back.
What do you think about all of this? Should I give her a second chance? The sex we were having was really intense and I'd like to get back into it with her. But all of this behavior seemed to come up suddenly and out of nowhere, and I'm not sure what to make of it.
MIDLIFE BACHELOR ANSWER: Honestly, your new girlfriend has some major problems ... and in all likelihood, if she is doing this kind of stuff after just three weeks, then chances are you haven't seen anything yet. My suggestion is that you dump her immediately. You have nothing to gain by subjecting yourself to such behavior - especially when it is likely to grow worse (not get better).
At the very least, your girlfriend has a major problem with respect to jealousy. She could also be bipolar or just plain psycho (in midlifebachelor.com terminology). Jealous behavior takes on many forms - but when it surfaces so significantly after just three weeks of dating, that is a huge red flag. Remember that people are typically on their best behavior in the early stages of dating ... and if what you describe is representative of her best behavior, then consider how much worse her behavior could become over time. Better to cut your losses now, and take note of the lessons you've learned. Actually, I think it is fortunate that she had this blowout after just three weeks ... otherwise she may have successfully hidden her issues from you for months.
There is a lot more that I could say, but instead I'll just reference several other resources and articles here:
Let me know how things go from here. You should also consider joining our Midlife Forum where we discuss various dating issues like this one.