Reaching Midlife Bachelor Equilibrium
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Learn to Understand Yourself
Midlife bachelor equilibrium means reaching a greater level of understanding concerning you, yourself. Let’s face it – as we age, we mature … we grow wiser over time. As we maneuver ourselves through life, we encounter all sorts of new situations and experiences – and with each successive experience, we increase our own individual knowledge base. We learn what we like and dislike. We watch ourselves react to different situations, and also how we tend to handle things. We become aware of our default strengths and weaknesses – and we put in place various coping mechanisms to either exploit those strengths, or minimize the weaknesses. Sometimes we put these coping mechanisms into place without realizing it … for example, remember my buddy, Loser Mike, who often finds himself challenged in terms of conversational skills around women. The coping mechanism he defaults to (without realizing it, of course) is to talk about himself incessantly. In other instances, Loser Mike successfully inserted a deliberate coping strategy to address a challenge he had … like cutting his long hair, and then buying the new clothes. He intentionally lost the “stoner look”, and picked up the “white businessman look”. In my view, Loser Mike only partially understands himself – he successfully addressed the challenges of his appearance, but has not yet come to grips with the challenges of his outbound personality … and that is why he has struggled with dating for such an extended period of time.
We as midlife bachelors must remember to keep our eyes wide open at all times for all of the possible lessons we should be learning about ourselves. No one but you is going to point out a personal learning experience … in other words, if you don’t recognize a learning experience as such, then it might just get past you … and you might miss an opportunity for self-improvement. Just keep your eyes and ears open, and remember to periodically revisit the level of success that you feel you are experiencing with respect to the goals and strategies you have established for yourself. If you are not on-track and making progress, then ask yourself why – maybe even ask for the opinions of your friends. Look inward for the causes behind your behavior, and try to understand why you do what you do. Take the necessary steps to fine-tune your behavior, as necessary. And then periodically re-evaluate your progress. Learning to understand yourself really is a continuous and unending process … and the recognition of this is a central component of midlife bachelor equilibrium.
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