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  • Question about exclusivity

    Hi all! It's been a while and my life has been a ride and fun since I have posted here. ive been dating a man since April- he is a Cyclist. He told me when we started dating this:
    1. He's going to be paying alimony for a while, this working for a while, so if I desire a travel lifestyle I may not want to get involved with him. ( I retired in 2016. He is 64).
    2. He does not want to jump into anything serious and feels that only after dating 6-12 months is it apparent whether there is any basis to go forward in a relationship.

    I told him I do not want to sleep with a man unless we are monogamous, also that I am seeking a solid relationship more than a certain lifestyle- and that I really liked him so would like for us to get to know each other better. He treats me great! Never really addressed my relationship comments tho. I decided not to worry about the big picture since we had great interest and he so respectful to me, and we've had a GREAT sex. He has never ccommented on my request to get std tested so we can stop using condoms. Once he said he hates needles and blood tests. Is that an excuse to sleep with others since I always have condoms and he doesn't mind using them?

    He he has an alcoholic ex and raised three kids with her. Has three grandkids he travels to visit on holiday weekends. One (adopted) is in prison due to drugs and some violence. He has a aging mother who he travels 2 hours to check in and has deteriorating health, so doc appointments. There is sibling conflict over their moms care. It is what it is! He's been through some Stuff.

    meanwhile, my daughter got married at the end of july, is now a military spouse, and they moved out of the country. So I've Had plenty of family biz as well. He was my guest at the wedding out of town and had a good time

    The Cyclist has a 5- day ride he has been training for coming up end of September. Something came up in conversation about October and I teased him last week about that being the end of our dating statute of limitations. I know he really likes me and we talk on the phone almost every night when not together (only 1-2 times per week). I support his bicycling goals and he currently rides 5-6 days per week.

    im perhaps overly sensitive about being 2-timed due to my past choices in men. Soooo I'm caught between playing it cool and just asking so I know the basis. Or maybe I should just tell him again what I'm looking for. He has expressed he never felt comfortable talking about his. He's an IT person and it shows! -eye roll- However he does lots of little things for me which I appreciate hugely which he loves to do.

    I'd rather just date my cyclist but I don't want to be a chump (naive) or wait around for something not likely, you know? If I'm seeing someone that long I'd like to know I'll be included in his holidays (has
    not so far since he has the grandkids out of town) Mostly I just want to know if we are exclusive since our sexlife is ramping up. I did something new in bed for him last week and he was gaga happy about it.

    Haha you are probably thinking 'so what's the problem' right? I froze my Match profile end of April When Cyclist and I got hot and heavy (my personal preference). I had two men (one old friend and one recent acquaintance) contact me THIS week.

    A. last week I got a list of matches in my gmail link in which Cyclist was listed.

    B. He called late Wednesday sounding kind of sheepish-no idea why and said after his ride he walked through the park to a restaurant with a old friend he ran into (referred to friend as He much later in convo).
    C. last weekend when I was counting the weeks until the 5-day ride in September he told me I am a PIA.

    D. I was deleting phone messages while he was doing something else and said, "look at all these calls from Cyclist, he must really like me!) his reply, " that guys a jerk- just delete all those.

    E. Cyclist has mentioned other female cyclers he's met and also about a ride group he learned about from one woman that he is joining this weekend.

    Should I ask him if he is still active online, communicating with new dates - or if we are dating exclusively - or what?
    Thanks for reading through.
    Last edited by A OK; 08-11-2017, 09:41 AM.

  • #2
    It sounds like maybe you can just try to enjoy whatever it is that you enjoy with this guy and not expect anything much more, but continue looking for what you really want. You can always back-burner him whenever you want.

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