Some Fundamental Truths
about Women and Midlife Dating Today
Okay – so you are either a brand-new midlife bachelor or you are about to become one … and you may shortly face the prospect of
having to date again. Perhaps you haven’t dated in quite a while – maybe it has even been many, many years. You really don’t know what to expect out in the dating world. This section (expandable section index on the right >>>) is dedicated to explaining the dating landscape for a midlife bachelor so that you can be better prepared to cope with what’s coming. If instead you are more of a perpetual midlife bachelor – one who has been single for a while, then consider this section a reminder of the totality of what is out there. Maybe you’ve already seen or experienced some of it – maybe it will help give you an idea of what you like, or what you want to stay away from. This section highlights a number of fundamental truths about dating as a midlife bachelor, and also about the women we as midlife bachelors are likely to date. My goal is to help you put various behaviors (or potential behaviors) of yours into perspective so that you don’t necessarily get hung up, discouraged or distracted by some of the letdowns that often occur in dating. I specifically try to explain some of the common out-of-gate mistakes that we as midlife bachelor brothers sometimes make. The whole point of this section is to help you recognize what is coming – whether it be types of women you are likely to encounter, early mistakes you might make, or maybe even just how to keep many different things in their proper perspective as you define your own personal path through midlife bachelorhood.
Consider Your Midlife Dating Objective
Preparation is the key to success in just about any endeavor. Before going to war, the battlefield and enemy are fully assessed by military leaders. A boxer studies the previous fights of his opponent. A football coach reviews the opposing team’s offensive and defensive plays, strengths, and weaknesses. The more prepared you are, the more likely you will be to achieve what you want from the dating world. [Studying this site is certainly an excellent step toward being prepared.] This brings me to my first key issue for a brand-new midlife bachelor to consider – what is your objective with respect to dating? You’ve got to think hard about this – as your answer may essentially determine your own happiness in the near-term. This question of mine right now about your dating objective is somewhat premature – as I dedicate another entire section ("Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success
") to the subject of establishing realistic dating objectives and strategies … but right now, I have to assume that YOU DO WANT TO DATE – and that you are prepared to get back out there into the midlife dating world. My first piece of advice for anyone just coming out of a long-term relationship is to focus not on getting right back into a serious relationship, but rather to take things slowly and not get tied down right away. Rushing right into another full-time relationship is risky – your likelihood of choosing a non-optimal partner is greater than if you take your time. There is no hurry - you’ve got plenty of time!
I’ve seen many men make the mistake of believing they need to be in another relationship right away. I, myself, have felt this way numerous times in my own past – most often when I had been the one who was recently dumped. I think it is a normal reaction to want to jump right back into a relationship because you are not used to being by yourself. The newness of “being alone” can be overwhelming … sleeping alone, eating alone, coming home to a quiet and empty home or apartment. It makes you feel like you are missing something – like you have a hole in your heart, or a general feeling of emptiness inside.
Feeling sad and empty after the end of a relationship is actually part of your grieving process. That’s right – grieving. Someone didn’t die, some THING died … your prior relationship. And you have to recognize this, and deal with it in the best way possible. Rushing out and getting into another relationship is one way of dealing with it – but this “substitution method”, as I call it, may not necessarily be what is best for you in the long run. This brings me to the first of the so-called “Fundamental Truths”:
Next >>> Fundamental Truth #1 - Be Happy & Comfortable w/Yourself
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