Midlife Bachelor

August 9 , 2007
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Certainly there are a lot of things to consider when figuring out your breakup strategy – but, in general, there are the three options I listed previously – which I’ll now explain.   These options can be used alone, or in combination or in quick succession of one another.

Everyone’s best bet is for you to try to go the friendship route first and foremost.  There are varying degrees of what “friendship” means in this context – but at the absolute minimum, it means keeping things friendly.   Keeping things friendly allows good karma to follow you … which means positive energy surrounds you, and makes it more likely that good things will happen to you as time passes.   Even if she has done something really terrible, and you would enjoy saying something awful to her – keeping things friendly will ultimately work to your benefit.  You can always start with simply keeping things friendly, and then decide over time if you do want to maintain an active friendship with her.

How do you implement a “go friendship” exit strategy?  I usually tell them in my own way that I think that our relationship has migrated to more of a friendship … and that is really where I see it staying.  If you say this sort of thing in a clear and concise manner, then there really is no room for confusion.   She may feel differently than you do … but more than likely she has seen it coming.  Be kind, be gentle – but be firm.  Don’t change your mind a bunch of times … don’t give it more time when you already know how you feel.  In the long run, she will appreciate you more for being honest.

“Going missing” essentially means not taking her calls, not seeing her, not allowing her to visit, … and also you not visiting nor calling – basically no contact whatsoever.   This approach can be temporary or permanent – it all depends on the issues explained previously.   “Going missing” can be a fairly rude strategy to employ – but it does definitely have its place.  In my mind, going missing is appropriate if the woman is psycho or a stalker or an extreme showgirl … where you just cannot stand the sight of her face or the sound of her voice.   [See Types of Women – Psycho, Types of Women – Stalker, and Types of Women – Showgirl in the Fundamental Truths about Women and Midlife Dating Today section under Dating Advice.]

I personally have only used a pure “go missing” strategy a few times in my life – specifically where I started dating a woman, and within the first handful of dates I observed some very bad behavior on her part.   I had several women start stalking me immediately – right after I had slept with them the first time.  I mean -  the next day they were calling my phone repeatedly, … and when I did not get back with them right away, they left a lot of messages (like five or more).   [There is a difference between enthusiasm and insanity.]   Another example of when I employed a “go missing” strategy was after I took this woman out a few times – and each time she had a fit about something with someone.   At a restaurant I took her to, she sent her food back to the kitchen not once, but twice – on our first date … and the food was exactly the way she ordered it when it was first brought to her.   That woman was an extreme showgirl (see Types of Women – Showgirl).  After I had been out with her a few times, I never wanted to see or talk to her again – and so I went missing.

The name says it all – “going nuclear” implies a detonation in which there are no survivors.  This is typically a blow-out fight which often times is not necessarily planned – but happens as a matter of circumstance.  Many times tension in a particular relationship builds over time until a nuclear exchange is inevitable.  Going nuclear is often characterized by both parties telling each other what they do not like about the other person.  It is always rude – never pretty.  Typically, each party might feel a sense of relief at getting whatever was bothering them off of their chest – but this type of ending is never good, yields bad karma to both parties, and makes any potential future chance meetings uncomfortable.  Continued on next page >>>

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