Midlife Bachelor

August 26, 2007
Updated September 23, 2007
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7) I enjoy watching television shows about men in prison.
I will admit that I have said this simply to annoy my girlfriend.  I believe at the time I was watching Prison Break – and I did enjoy that show.  But my own warped sense of humor dictated at the time that I bark out this sentence for whatever reason … and I was subsequently placed in the doghouse, after being told that was a very sick thing to say.   I have since told many of my friends about this saying, and several have also used it successfully.

8) I love beer.
This sentence may or may not get you in the doghouse – depends on your girlfriend’s view of alcohol.  My current girlfriend detests drinking – and so me saying something like this will instantly get me into the doghouse.  But the real truth is – I do love beer.  I just cannot acknowledge it.  Just in the past week, I was at a Thai restaurant with my girlfriend, and ordered a Tsingtao® (Chinese beer).  These beers are delicious – and when the waitress came back to the table, and asked me if I liked the Tsingtao®, I told her something like, “Oh yes – I love this beer … it is outstanding … I could drink a bunch of these.”   The girlfriend’s face pretty much said it all – I was in the doghouse before I even finished the first sentence.

9) Why do you smell like that?
Women are always applying some kind of lotion or hair product or oil or who knows what to themselves … and honestly, I don’t mentally catalog what products smell certain ways.   When there is a new smell, I do notice – but I suppose there are ways to ask, and ways NOT to ask … and the sentence here is not the way to ask.  I guess a better way to ask would be “are you wearing something new, dear?” (said with a big grin).

So there you have it – a current and possibly growing list of sentences that can instantly land you in the doghouse.   I can tell you that over the years, I’ve personally spent a fair amount of time in the doghouse … and it really isn’t so bad.  Some would say that no matter what you do or say, that you will wind up in the doghouse … that this is the nature of male-female relationships.  I’d probably agree with that.   Try to have fun with whatever mistake is coming out your mouth, and you’ll be fine.  At the very least, your buddies will enjoy the story, right?

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