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How does a woman take charge in bed??

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  • How does a woman take charge in bed??

    Hi Everyone,

    I have divorced from a marriage of 13 years with out being with any other man. Or relationship you could say was non sexual due to his religious beliefs. Over the last few months i have been date a great man. We have just recently started having sex. The other night he told me it was ok to take charge in bed. But I really do not know what this means? I definetly would like to please him in this way but do not know how. Can anyone give me some specific tips or direction on what this means or how I can do this?? Thank you for any input.

  • #2
    Well, you will have to take the initiative, most men prefer it as women take longer to be aroused. Keep in mind that you have to please yourself to be able to please him.

    By taking charge you will have to show or tell him when you are ready, use the movements and positions that work for you. This is not the time to be shy; you should know your body by now.

    Have fun. Let the animal in you take over


    • #3
      Originally posted by jade View Post
      ... The other night he told me it was ok to take charge in bed. But I really do not know what this means? I definetly would like to please him in this way but do not know how. Can anyone give me some specific tips or direction on what this means or how I can do this?
      I agree with Luce ... but I'd also add that you might want to simply ask your new man to elaborate a bit. I think asking a woman to take charge in bed can mean many different things to different people. Some men like a really aggressive woman in the sack ... which could mean telling him what to do, how to do it, when to do it ... it could also mean talking dirty ... it could also mean doing some things you might not ordinarily think of (especially given that your ex-husband was super conservative). etc. etc. etc. The possibilities are huge here.

      So my advice is to keep an open dialog ... have some fun with it all. And definitely let us all know here how this all develops


      • #4
        Great in the Sack

        Men love women to take charge in bed. Most men go through life without experiencing the sexual freedom and joy that comes from a woman who is incredible in the sack.

        I came from a simlar background married 20+ years, only with one man my whole life. Being 38 and only having been with one man was scary. Was I doing it right? : )

        Being an overachiever, I read everything on the topic of giving pleasure. I encourage you to do the same.

        Being a woman that is incredible in the sack I can offer a few pointers...

        *Never fake anything, its dishonest and your partner will never get it right.

        *Men like women that are not quiet and passive in bed. Let your natural (don't fake) sounds and motions/reactions come out.

        *If he is off mark with petting/etc, gently guide him to the right spot. It's very sexy to whisper directions in their ear.

        *Men love to know when they turn you on. If he has you "soaking" let him know it. Thats like a trophy!

        *Don't expect the man to do all the work. If you don't work up a sweat or breathe harder your aren't giving it your all.

        *Use your imgination and the gift of fantasy.

        *Most important, know what you like and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ORGASMS. Accessorize if you need to. Men love it when an accessory takes the performance pressure off of them.

        In my humble opinion, women were given the multiple orgasm as a way to make up for childbirth and periods/pms. Don't waste this gift!

        Have fun and be safe.


        • #5
          What a great post! Greg, that advice should be used elsewhere on this site. Add it to the hall of fame!


          • #6
            Thank you everyone for your replies. Gregory thank you for your expansion and kindness this give me a lot more to think about. Cyndo can you suggest some reading material or sites. I will keep you updated on how things goes. THANKS!!!


            • #7
              Confidence and enthusiasm also help Initiate!
              Tell him what you want and how, show him with your hands and by pacing his hips etc etc....


              • #8
                Suggestions for reading materials: I won't quote specific titles since its been 9 years since my "enlightenment" period. I ordered many online based on reviews. Books stores will usually have some good basic ones. There were some great videos back then. Oprah has some really good "specific" interviews with Dr. Laura Berman. She is great! A book by her would be a good purchase if any questions remain after you watch the interviews at

                As far as accessories go. Men love women on women. That is a standard healthy fantasy. Embrace it and get a video like this to warm up the evening. Nothing like making a romantic meal and having that on in the back room.

                Toys/novelties: California Exotics makes some of the best. I have a rabbit type that is great! My favorite of all time (so far) is the Hitachi Magic Wand. I can use it on a sore neck back too! They sell attachments for this. Most are $10. My favorite is "Miracle Massager Soft Jelly G with tantalizing love nuts." The names are wacky, I know. You can find your G-spot with this and know what the big deal is all about.

                I hope this is helpful. I will answer just about any question. Try to be specific if you want a specific answer.