Fundamental Truth #1: You have to be happy and comfortable with yourself first and foremost before you can go out, and date successfully.

can go out, and date successfully.


Intro to Truth #1 – Be Comfortable w/Yourself
If you are uncomfortable being by yourself, you will unknowingly wear the red badge of desperation right square in the middle of your forehead.  You’ll never see that badge in the mirror – and your male buddies might not see it either … but (trust me) every woman you want to ask out sees it.  The symptoms of this badge of desperation are some or all of the following:

• Being overly eager about going out on a date
• Appearing nervous and in a hurry to go out
• Asking for a date too often (stalker)

If you are truly comfortable with yourself, you are not too concerned with whether a particular woman will go out with you or when.  You are much better off by doing what you would normally do – but perhaps with a more open mind about making new friends, in general.  What I mean here is that each person has their typical routine of what constitutes their particular life.  Maybe you work 8 to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday – but you go to the gym on Monday and Wednesday’s after work … and maybe you go out to happy hour on Thursdays with friends and/or people from work.  At the gym, try smiling and at least saying hello to the people around you (it doesn’t have to be only the cute women … as what I’m suggesting is just good overall karma).  If it is happy hour, then invite a new female that you might be somewhat interested in to come along … but don’t make it sound like a date because you might scare her off.  Instead, it should be more of a “come join a group of us for a drink” type thing.  Remember – your first objective as a midlife bachelor is to focus on making new friends, and spreading good karma.

Spread Good Karma
I should probably back up a bit, and define what I mean by “karma” – and the concept I refer to as “spreading good karma”.  If you look up “karma” in the dictionary or online, and look at the non-religious definition – it is defined informally as a distinctive aura, atmosphere, or feeling.  So “good karma” and “spreading good karma” in the context that I use them refers to being a positive and happy person with good things to say to people, in general.  People will like you if you are a good and happy person … which means you will attract women to go out with.  [Read the previous sentence several times to yourself – because it is critically important to your overall long-term success as a midlife bachelor.]

Let me give a couple of karma examples.  For many years, I had a crush on a woman who worked at the drug store pharmacy up the street from me.  She was very cute, blonde, and had what I always thought was the PERFECT body type for me.  Yet she was always in a relationship … and during the few times that she wasn’t involved with someone, I was in a relationship.  For years, I was always nice to her – I always went out of my way to say hello to her whenever I was in the store.  I didn’t chase her down like a mad horny dog – rather I just let her know in a fairly subtle way that I thought she was really nice.  After around twelve years or so, I ran into her a few times around town – it turned out that she was then going to school full time.  I took her to lunch a several times – just as a friend-type thing … but within a few weeks, we wound up in bed together, and had truly the most amazing sex.  I found out later that she had the same crush on me that I had on her – but I’m sure it never would have been that way if I hadn’t pursued the “good karma” approach for such an extended period of time.

Here’s an opposite karma example – this time with one of my very best midlife bachelor friends who I refer to throughout this site.  My buddy, Mike, does pretty much everything to prevent himself from dating successfully.  He sometimes thinks about spreading good karma, but seldom practices it.  The reason is that good karma is more of a lifestyle – not just a state of mind.  Here’s the example.  My good female friend, Pauline, had joined my group of friends for happy hour in the past – and had recently met Mike for the first time.  Now Mike is a pretty decent-looking man (I’m told), so Pauline mentioned to me that she would not mind possibly introducing Mike to one of her girlfriends.  Pauline picked out her friend, Mariah – a nice-looking 29-year old divorcee who worked at a local attorney’s office.  The plan was for Pauline, me, Mike, and Mariah to meet for drinks one evening – and so we did.  During the first hour, Mike was having some conversational challenges – he made the critical mistake of talking about himself non-stop … so I steered the conversation toward Mariah’s handbag (which looked expensive).  Mariah said that it was a fake, and that she got it at a purse party.  I told the group that my girlfriend’s sister-in-law buys those very real-looking knockoff bags in downtown LA, and has purse parties.  Mike … knowing that my girlfriend and her family are Mexican … immediately started making a lot of anti-Mexican comments.  Here’s the kicker – Mariah was half-Mexican, and didn’t look like it … so Mike shot himself in the foot with her without even realizing it.  Had he kept his bad karma to himself, he might have had a shot at Mariah – or at least would have made a new friend who could have possibly introduced him to one of her friends.  But not now – Mariah will have nothing to do with Mike ever.

NEXT is the second page of Fundamental Truth #1 – Too Eager which you can also access through the DROPDOWN menu on the top-left of this page.  You can also ADD ANY COMMENTS you wish down below (using our commenting system) OR you might even consider checking out our Midlife Dating Discussion Forum (link immediately below)

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.