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DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR: I caught my husband working overseas with an interest in a 31 year old single woman, nice body, nice complexion, long leg and nice behind, thru his email. My husband is 50 yrs old, and I am 47. I confronted him with the email exchanges I intercepted and he said he’s just flirting because the woman owed him $300. For the moment, I believed him. But because he knew I know his password, he changed his password.
Because I have ways, I was able to get his password again, and bingo, exchange of flirtatious email again, with info that they have to check their txt messages. When my husband was home for a break, I was able to get the disguised phone number of the woman. And when I checked his wallet, the phone number was boldly written as a company number and kept with numerous phone cards with plenty of calling minutes. He was to fly back in his overseas job and had to stay in a hotel where his company is based in Midwest. I called the hotel, so many times, it’s busy. He’s also been sending money to this woman because there’s a constant monthly withdrawal occurring in our account, and he told me those are insurance payments. In the past, there were charges of perfumes, bathrobe and clothes to our account and other credit card charges of dining, etc. When confronted he told me those were for his coworkers and they paid him back. I am so sick of lies – inside of me is a cocktail of anger, sadness, and disappointment. We have been married for 27 yrs, raised our 5 children,

was a faithful wife, I work hard to help out financially and this is what I get. I am so confused, I want to call quits but I have no courage to do it because I still love him. I know the relationship will continue once he’s back overseas. I even found thru email that they will meet in Dubai for 2 weeks, but I do not confront him anymore. I am consumed right now with jealousy, sadness and anger. Should I wait and hope and forgive? Deanne

MLB ANSWER: Hi Deanne – thanks for writing. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Yours is a difficult situation because your husband is having an affair … he knows that you know about it … and he continues with it in spite of how devastated you are because he knows you won’t leave him.

You know you have two choices – stay with him, or leave him. It sounds to me like you do not really want to leave him so know that if you decide to stay with him, the best thing for your own mental health is for you to try to get over the fact that he is having an affair with a much younger woman. In other words, to keep your own sanity intact, the best thing you can do is to try not to let his affair bother you … which means you’ll need to stop checking up on him, stop going over the mysterious account withdrawals, stop questioning him … basically just pretend that none of it is happening. Otherwise, you will continue to drive yourself crazy, and likely push him away. You should definitely have a very serious talk with him (if you have not already) and let him know how much this hurts you. Also – know that if he is doing this now, he likely has done it previously … and may very well have other affairs in the future – so do not be surprised.

Me, personally – I could not follow the advice I just gave … I would not be able to look past something like that. I would leave the person – but that is just me. People stay together for many reasons – children, money, security, etc. and you are the only one who can make the tough call about whether or not leaving him is best for you, and for all involved.

You should definitely visit our Midlife Discussion Forum – as there are several discussion threads there which explore both sides of cheating.

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.