Whether looking at adult movies is “fine” or “wrong” really depends on who you ask. It probably also depends upon one’s definition of “adult”, and whether that definition includes just (for example) nude photos of your significant other … whether it includes movies or videos from the internet … possibly performing unconventional acts, etc. My definition here includes everything.
In general, I believe that men are more likely to think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with looking at adult movies. If I were to survey my male friends, I believe that most (except the religious right) would tell me that they fully approve and endorse watching adult movies. If I asked those same male friends of mine that same question in front of their wives or girlfriends, my guess is that many of them would flip their answers 180 degrees … because there is a social or moral taboo associated with it. Does that make most of us men hypocrites when it comes to this issue? Of course it does – but we are men so what else would you expect???
Whether women condone adult movies or not varies widely. Some women are absolutely offended by it … they believe it is humiliating and degrading toward women. I know that some women view the act of looking at adult movies as equivalent to cheating. Other women I know look at adult websites themselves, and use it as one of several potential tools in their bedroom to help with arousal. Yet other women I know … who are completely respectable … will at times pass nude or semi-nude photos of themselves to their boyfriends, or male friends or acquaintances (bless their hearts, by the way). My point here is that with women, their approval or maybe their degree of approval of adult movies varies considerably.
The real answer to the question “Is Viewing Adult Movies WRONG?” is up to you – it is an individual choice. If you don’t like it or approve of it, don’t look at it – and (just like anything else) don’t force your viewpoint on others who disagree with you.
What about me? Is midlife bachelor for or against adult movies? For me, it is a neutral issue. I’m neither FOR nor AGAINST it. Most people who are respected community members cannot exactly bark out “I’M IN FAVOR OF ADULT MOVIES”. If you asked me this question in front of my girlfriend or in public or anywhere except when I’m out partying with my male friends, my default answer would be in one of these categories:
1) Deny, deny, deny (this is always a good default answering strategy to any uncomfortable question … but can come back to haunt you if you are a liar.)
2) Refuse to answer – maybe responding with something like, “I’m not going to answer that question” (this is the safest default answer because you can pretend that you are offended by the question)
3) Make a joke out of the question – depending on my mood, I might respond with something like “What do you got?”, and then smile and laugh and attempt to change the subject before the ears I don’t want to hear this stuff have a chance to react. If pressed, I’d then revert to the strategy in item 2) above.
If you are curious what inspired me to write this particular article, the subject actually surfaced in our Midlife Forum – you can view that discussion thread here:
Why would a Guy Look at Adult Movies When He Has a Girlfriend?
Please feel free to join the forum, and add in your own two cents – just please be polite.