How do sugar daddy relationships really work? How much does a sugar daddy pay or cost?  These are excellent questions as a follow-up from a previous reader question/answer, here entitled, Is Sugar Daddy Dating Prostitution?

I’ve never been a “Sugar Daddy”, but I’ve seen people out at various five star locations who certainly appeared to be mismatched enough that in my own head I thought to myself, “That’s got to be her sugar daddy”.  Like when you see a 60-year old man with a 25-year old hottie.  And while that is certainly one such

sugar baby320

example of a likely sugar daddy relationship, I’ve recently learned that most such relationships are actually not nearly as obvious.  I have had the privilege of interviewing an actual “sugar baby” who wrote in to me after reading the original article referenced above … and she gave me the complete story of how these relationships work, and everything about them.  And so I will share with you – the midlife bachelor community … so you can form your own opinion about whether it is right or wrong, or even outstanding.  ha ha

UPDATE – SEPTEMBER 30, 2014 – due to the popularity of this article, I added two additional articles on sugar dating:

1) How to Be a Good and Successful Sugar Baby
2) How to Find a Sugar Baby on

The first article discusses everything you need to know in order to succeed (and be safe) as a sugar baby.  The second article goes through how one man accomplished his goal of finding a hot, early 20s sugar baby … and shows you exactly how to do it using that same website. So whether you are an aspiring sugar baby OR an aspiring sugar daddy, one of the above two articles (plus this one – the one you are reading can help you out).

Profile of a Typical Sugar Daddy
The sugar baby who I interviewed is a very intelligent and good-looking woman between the ages of 35 to 40 – and she tells me that she’s a bit older than most sugar babies.  She said she’s seen sugar daddies of all ages between age 20 and 70; most of those who have dated her are in their 50s.  She said the most common attribute they all have is an annual income of well over $100,000 – some between $250,000 and $1M (or more) per year.  Sugar daddies are usually married, and (for a variety of reasons), their marriages are either sexless, or consist of very infrequent sex.  Surprisingly, she said these sugar daddies do love their wives – they just need something more … and they find that a very hot, discrete mistress fits exactly into their lives quite nicely.

How Sugar Daddy / Sugar Baby Relationships Work
These arrangements start online using various websites – some of which advertise here on  I’m told that the amount of money a sugar baby asks for depends directly on how much a sugar daddy earns, and also how often he wants to see her.  The sugar baby I interviewed said she often gets $1300 to $3000 per month from a single sugar daddy, and she also said she keeps one or maybe two sugar daddies going on at any given time.  [The sugar baby I interviewed also has a 20-hour per week job she keeps – which is unrelated to sugar anything.]  She also said in the past she has seen extremely wealthy Sugar Daddies offering up to $10,000 per month.  The money is always paid in cash, and in person … and the amount can also vary according to how many times per week or per month she agrees to see the sugar daddy.  She said that sex is always expected whenever they see one another.  The sex is always protected – meaning that she insists the sugar daddy use a condom.

I asked this sugar baby about how she treats the sugar daddy – do they go out in public, for example?  Do they kiss or make out?  She said yes, absolutely – that these sugar daddy-sugar baby relationships are just like normal dating relationships … but much depends on the preferences of the sugar daddy.  So she said some will want to go out to dinner, or wherever – but they usually wind up in bed at a hotel.  She definitely does make out with her sugar daddy – which is different (I am told) from escorts who do not.  She said she does get attached to these men – and is sad when things end … but she never has delusions or a desire for anyone to leave their wife for her.  As far as the duration – she said some of these sugar relationships last for months, sometimes longer.

She did make a specific point during my interview to convey that these sugar daddy / sugar baby relationships need to revolve around mutual RESPECT.  She won’t date anyone who does not respect her as a person – or who in any way treats her poorly.  She also said that she very much respects the sugar daddy she is with, and would NEVER cause him any personal or professional problems.  DISCRETION, RESPECT, and HONESTY seem to be my conclusion about what these sugar relationships consist of (besides cash and sexual favors).

Do Sugar Babies Fear Getting Arrested?
Now keep in mind that I’ve never been a sugar daddy nor had a sugar baby so my interview question could be considered a bit naive.  I asked her,

“When you are initially setting things up – do you ever worry that the guy is a cop, and that you might get arrested?  How do you avoid that scenario?”

And her response was,

“Actually, what I do is totally legal.  I used to worry a lot about getting arrested, so then I decided to research what California laws actually were with regard to mistresses, kept women, Sugar Baby/Sugar Daddy and such relationships.  The key word here is RELATIONSHIP.  Unlike prostitutes who straight up give sex to almost anyone for a set amount of cash, we mistresses form ongoing friend relationships, and are then wined and dined, become travel partners, do things together like concerts, games, etc.  Sometimes if we both have time between dates, we’ll meet for coffee just to talk or have lunch.  So what it comes down to is a “friends with benefits” type-thing.  We have a relationship with benefits – to each party.  The law says gifts among friends (even if they are having sex) are totally legal.”

Now if any readers here are from law enforcement or are prosecutors or attorneys, and disagree with the above assessment – it would be great to hear from you in our COMMENT section at the very end of this article.

Do Sugar Babies Get Asked to Do Anything Weird Ever?
Since these sugar relationships seem to be centered around sex and cash, I could not help wonder about what some of the outlying cases are with respect to strange things the sugar baby I met has been asked to do in the past.  She said she’s been asked to do all kinds of crazy things – including threesomes, various fetishes, and several things that if I described would violate the Terms of Service here at  She said that in her case, she won’t do anything that most people would consider out of the ordinary – although she did describe to me what amounts to a prostate massage … which made me a bit uncomfortable hearing about.  She sensed my discomfort, and said it was like trying sushi for the first time – seems bad in principle, until you’ve actually tried it yourself.  Yikes!  ha ha  Maybe some day!  Definitely not today!

How Do Sugar Babies Get Started Doing This Sort of Thing?
I asked this sugar baby if she had previously been an escort – and if being a sugar baby is sort of a “career path” from that type of work.  She said no – she was never interested in being a professional escort because those women cater to five or more strangers each day … and don’t have any sort of relationship with the clients (other than the obvious).  In her case, she wanted something that involved genuine intimacy, but that also benefited her financially.  One day, she said she watched one of the daytime TV talk shows that did a report on sugar daddy / sugar baby relationships – and that is when she decided to try out one of those online dating sites … and she hasn’t regretted it since.

The only other thing I can add is that she said that no one except her very close friends and maybe one family member knows that she does this sort of thing – it is definitely a big secret.  I imagine secrecy is fairly common among sugar babies.  If you want to pursue a Sugar Daddy-type relationship, then I recommend you visit:

Join and get the party started today!

So there you have it – a good overview about what sugar daddy relationships are, how they work, what is involved, how much they typically cost, and what some of the mutual expectations are.  What do you think – are these sugar relationships a good idea?  A bad idea?  Are they objectionable?  Or are they totally hot and mutually beneficial?  Please share your thoughts with us in the COMMENT section below, or on our Midlife Forum – and remember to please keep your language clean.

Are You Interested in Meeting Someone Wealthy?
If so, then read our article entitled, How to Meet a Wealthy Man or Woman?  You don’t have to be a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby to meet someone wealthy.  You don’t even have to be wealthy yourself – but there are things you can do to meet someone wealthy.  Give the article a read to learn how.

Avatar of Greg Smith
About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.