People write in to ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR with questions.  An index of all Q&As is located on the ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR INDEX page. Email your question in complete confidence to [email protected].

DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR: I want to know what midlife men want in bed. Amazingly, I couldn’t really find much on this topic online. I’m looking for very specific information if it’s not too strange to provide it. It’s been a long time for me (I’m a woman in my 40s) and I want to get back in the saddle again soon. I think I have a good idea of what men want but it never hurts to have as much knowledge as possible. I’m sure it differs from one man to the next, but I imagine there are some universal wants and needs. And just in case I might have missed something in the past. Any advice you could give me on this subject would be greatly appreciated!  LouiseMLB ANSWER:  Hi Louise – on behalf of all midlife bachelors, I first want to say THANK YOU for actually caring about what we want in bed.  ;o)  You are correct about different men wanting different things – so what I’m about to say applies only to me … but I think a lot of my peers would agree.  You might consider posting this same question on the Midlife Forum to see how others respond.

Here’s my take – the first thing I like to see is ENTHUSIASM … someone who is eager … I really like that. This means eager to make out … eager to take off your top … eager to slip out of what you are wearing … eager to always go to the next level. I think HYGIENE is also extremely important … I’m talking all hygiene … your mouth (good teeth, breath, etc) … your downstairs hygiene (which includes not having a hairy forest … a Brazilian wax job is best). Just be clean.

In terms of the actual methods or acts – that is something you have to kind of play by ear … which means go with the flow. Know what your personal boundaries are – and be prepared to communicate them in a nice way just in case you wind up with someone unconventional (unless, of course, you don’t have any personal boundaries). Men like penetration – so use that as your guide. I’d suggest that you not be critical in any


way … as we men don’t really like that.  ha ha    If you are new to the single scene, and you want to let your date know that sex is a good possibility – then I’d suggest that you wear something at least slightly provocative to dinner and then maybe suggest that you go watch TV at his place after. “Let’s go watch TV at your place” usually means “let’s get it on” – unless the “your place” you want to go to has children or a room-mate or similar that might get in the way. Good luck!!!

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.