Best Friend Hitting On My Tramp Wife

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DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR: I am 44 years old, and have been married to my wife for 11 years. My marriage has not always been smooth mostly in the sense that my wife is very temperamental, and goes through a lot of mood swings. She started taking anti-depressants several years ago and those seem to have made a difference. Anyway, roughly a year and a half ago my wife had an affair on me, and it nearly destroyed my marriage. I am a Christian and believe that marriage is sacred and I won’t get a divorce, at least not as long as I can avoid it. She ended the affair shortly after I found out about it. This is just background. The real reason I am writing is that on several occasions recently, one of my best friends has been paying way too much attention to my wife and it is getting out of hand. After a few drinks, he puts his hands on her, and flirts real heavy with her. He is married, too, and has mostly done this when his wife is not around. But he’s done it right in front of me. As I said before, my wife is a tramp and all my friends know her history. She allows him to flirt and she flirts back. What pushed me over the
edge with all this happened two weekends ago. He was at my house and we were drinking beer. He was doing his flirt thing with my wife, and she was flirting back. Then he goes to the bathroom, and leaves the door open as he pees. My wife went back there after a minute and walked in on him when he had his d*ck out. Fortunately I followed my wife into the bathroom after waiting about 10 seconds so that I could see what all was happening, and she was standing there looking at his d*ck and watching him pee. I chose not to make a big deal of it at the time because as soon as I walked in, my wife ran out and my friend just continued to pee in front of me. So all of this and more has been brewing in my head, and the more I think about it, the angrier I get. What do you think I should do?

MLB ANSWER: You’ve got two problems on your hands – one is your wife (who flirts and entertains this type of behavior from your friend, and god knows who else when you are not around). The second problem is your best friend – who chooses to disrespect you and your friendship with him by acting inappropriately around your wife.

You can always divorce your wife, and also stop hanging around your friend – but those are extreme solutions, and it does not sound like that is what you want to do. So my advice concerning your wife would be to have a serious talk with her – and let her know that she is disrespecting both you and your marriage by flirting with this person. You may choose to remind her about how her last affair damaged everything – or maybe not … you said she was very temperamental. At any rate, whatever the politics involved is in how you communicate with your wife – you have to make the point that it is unacceptable for her to behave in the manner you describe.

Concerning your friend, I’d suggest that you talk to him when you are not drinking – and just tell him that you do not appreciate him flirting with your wife … especially given that he knows her history of cheating on you. Try and keep it a friendly discussion – but definitely get your point across. I would also suggest that you not have him over to your house for a while, nor do things that involve both your wife and him maybe for a few months … sort of a silent boycott. In other words, you go over to his house alone … or just you two guys go somewhere together (without your wife tagging along). Oh – you also mentioned twice that this behavior has occurred when you guys are drinking … so yet another thing to consider is how much alcohol contributes to this situation, and whether any adjustments in that department might be warranted.

Typically I recommend people read different sections of the Dating Advice section of – but your situation is fairly unique. In addition to this ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR section, we do have a Midlife Forum where men and women discuss different issues pertaining to relationships (among other things) … so I would encourage you to check it out, and consider joining our community. Good luck – let me know what happens!

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.