I sometimes run across people and situations that hit home for some significant part of our audience.  And when I do, I try my best to bring that content here … so that together we can leverage the knowledge (which is the mission of this site).  One of our readers, Queenie, is the author of what follows. 

It seems that all of us who end up in affairs are looking for that elusive SOMETHING.  We don’t know what it is we are looking for, and still can’t quite put a finger on it when we find IT.

The statement above hits the nail on the head for me.  I was in search of acceptance, reassurance, and friendship when my affair started.  My real world was draining the life right out of me.  My heart was walled away, my soul felt as if it was withering away more and more every day.   It didn’t take much encouragement on either of our parts for our illicit relationship to begin.  He was needing the same things.  We were worlds apart in class, life experiences, etc., but so alike inside.  We quenched our thirst for what was lacking in our lives with each other.  To have finally found someone who got me, who cared about me, who pushed me, who wouldn’t put up with my crap seemed like a fairytale – if I ignored the spouses, kids, coworkers and friends.

We were so caught up in each other that it didn’t matter – well it did, but we thought we were invincible and no one would find out.  WRONG.  Many people got hurt by our actions, but no more so than him and me.  I can’t speak for him, but I still ache for his voice, his smile, his friendship – and yes, his touch.

Resigning myself to the fact that “it” will never be between him and me has taken a long time.  The fairytale fantasy took me to places I never knew existed within myself.  The reality that those emotions, feelings, and understanding are gone for good is harsh and bitter to me.

What did I learn from this experience?  I learned how to love … how to open my heart up to someone, to trust, to feel (bittersweet, that one).  I learned that I was loveable.

I loved him the way I needed to be loved.  I may not ever find that again.  But at least loving him showed me what I needed.

If you enjoyed this article, and would like to read more on the topic of cheating, please check out the Short Midlife Article here entitled Is Cheating on Your Wife or Girlfriend Really Worth It?

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.