People write in to ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR with questions.  An index of all Q&As is located on the ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR INDEX page. Email your question in complete confidence to [email protected].

DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR:  One of my co-workers, a female, a few years older than me, asked me some personal questions since I hadn’t ever discussed my personal life. She asked if I was married or had a girlfriend and I told her that I wasn’t and I didn’t. She was curious and asked me about my dating and the last relationship I was in and I was forthcoming with her and told her. Then she asked me something that totally took my by surprise. She said (and I quote) “So what do you do? Just fantasize and …” and finished her sentence with her right hand making a stroking motion. I was completely flustered and changed the subject as quickly as possible.

I didn’t think anything of it until at my next job another co-worker, a female again, asked me almost the same thing. This time, she asked the question “Do you play with yourself?” Again I reacted the same way: flustered and quickly changed the subject.

I can’t for the life of me figure out why I’ve been asked that question twice by two different women. They’re both friends of mine and for some strange reason I wish that I could just answer the question, but I can’t and don’t. Any insights into this? JK

MLB RESPONSE:  These women are messing with you precisely because they know how to fluster you, and I’m fairly positive that they find you enormously entertaining. The only thing that I can suggest is that when you find yourself in a similar situation in the future – what I would personally do is turn the tables really hard. In other words, turn it into an opportunity to embarrass the person who is trying to embarrass you. I’d probably zero in on some physical attribute of the woman trying to mess with you. For example, if she has crooked teeth – I’d respond with something like, “When I do that, I think of you with those jacked up teeth, and imagine what those would look like sliding up and down me”. Or if she is chunky (be careful here), I’d say something like, “When I do that, I think of you and what that big beautiful booty might be like juicing and jiggling all over me.” Of course, you said these incidents have previously happened at work – so you might get fired for saying this sort of thing. My general advice is – when someone strikes, strike back twice as hard … but keep it fun, and don’t be hurtful. You have to smile when you are saying this kind of stuff.


DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR:  I wrote in previously about my husband leaving me, and whether or not to wait (see ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR Take Control of Your Own Happiness) but now I have a different question specifically about his midlife crisis. I’ve read many books on the midlife crisis and they say that it takes two to five years for a man to resolve his issues. Also, there are 6 or 7 stages one has to go through when in the throes of a Midlife Crisis (or something like that). So my question is – what do you think about the number of years, stages, etc. and if you have an idea of what stage “my children’s father” is in? Ms. G, age 45

MLB RESPONSE: Honestly I am not any sort of expert on the psychology of the midlife crisis. In my mind, a midlife crisis is basically when someone between the ages of 35 and 50 suddenly realizes they need some sort of change – and they act upon that realization … because maybe they otherwise might feel that life is passing them by. Sometimes these crises are painful – like in your case … where the husband of many years left you for someone else. Other times the crisis is job-related, or materialistic. Or it could be a mix of several such things. In my view, the midlife crisis is an agent of change – essentially a personal growth opportunity. If the person in the crisis comes to believe that he or she has made a mistake in their actions during the crisis – then learning from that mistake is the growth opportunity. I know this is not addressing your question to your satisfaction but what I state here is exactly my view on the midlife crisis. I elaborate quite a bit on this in the Your Midlife Crisis section here on midlifebachelor.com

Also – my overall take on your situation is the same as the last time you wrote in. You are in charge of your own happiness. I wouldn’t suggest focusing on what stage of midlife crisis your ex-husband is in – that is not going to do you any good. Instead I would try to put the past behind you, and focus on what you think would make you the happiest. I think a new boyfriend would be a great idea for you – as you are a very good-looking, very intelligent woman … and I’m quite positive you will be happier with someone fresh in your life.

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.