It seems like every two years or so, I go through a GYM PHASE … where I start going to the gym regularly … where I pay close attention to what I’m eating (with an emphasis on HEALTHY) … where I stop purchasing alcohol to keep at home.   I am currently transitioning into such a GYM PHASE.   There is no beer in the house … and there is only a portion of a bottle of Patron Silver tequila still left in the cupboard.

Last week, I went out and purchased six new t-shirts for the gym.   Nike, Quicksilver, and No Fear.   [Seems like it is getting harder to find t-shirts that I like … many of the No Fear shirts, for example, have a bunch of ridiculous-looking graphics on them.  I just want something fairly plain.]  I also purchased new gym shorts.   I went with Nike shorts this time … could not find Everlast (which is what I was wearing the last time I went through a GYM PHASE).

In the last several days, I’ve hit the gym twice.  At this STARTUP point, I only focus on the dreaded Elliptical Trainer machine … which is parked in front of a row of flatscreen TVs.  I can plug in my headphones into a little box that sits on each of these machines so that I can listen to whichever TV I like.  Since I’m a news junky, I usually park in front of the TV that is showing either Fox News or CNN.  [Fox News typically has the hotter newscaster chicks.]

Thirty minutes on the Elliptical machine – and I’m about ready to pass out.  It didn’t use to be this way – I used to be able to go thirty minutes without missing a beat during my startup phase … and then after a week or so, I would transition to sixty minutes on that machine.  I think I’m gonna stick with just thirty minutes for a while, and see how it goes.

After the STARTUP point of this GYM PHASE, I will then head into the PERSONAL TRAINER PHASE.   This means that after I have re-established myself as having the commitment to get to the gym three or four times a week for three straight weeks … I will hire a personal trainer.   The same personal trainer I had during my last GYM PHASE is still working at the gym I go to.  [He stopped me outside a bar that I was heading to happy hour at several months ago – and asked where the heck I had been.   I told him I couldn’t talk … was late for happy hour … then I screamed WOOOOOOHOOO … and left him standing there.]

I respond to negative feedback at the gym.  This means I prefer the personal trainer to say mean things to me to get me motivated.  Some at the gym find this odd – while others find it entertaining:

“Give me one more pull-up, Fat Boy”
“Another 30 minutes on the Elliptical machine, you lazy slug”
“One more repetition, Pork Chop”

I need to drop like 15 pounds – and that should do it.   Wish me luck!!!

READER FEEDBACK prior to adding our Comment Section below

From Lynnette in the United Kingdom: Your living my life. I’m exactly like you – going to the gym, then not… I have plans on going back in September to have the same old grilling from the personal trainers I plug the ear phones into the music channels when I’m on the cross trainer, darn that machine’s a killer, I bought one to use here at home just to get me back in the swing of things, I’m so unfit, and I don’t know if your gym is the same as ours, but don’t you find the whole dress code a bit much, they are so fashion conscious, you have to wear the ”right ” gear or else you look plain weird, I’m dreading buying the gym kit. I don’t know what the girls are wearing over there now, it’s been 2 years since I was there, and it has to be all brand names in the right colours. well anyway, im rooting for ya, good luck, you can do it. I’ll spare you my sweaty butt story this time have a laff sweetie.

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.