Emotional affairs are external to one’s primary intimate relationship or marriage.  They can ultimately lead to physical intimacy but typically start off as a friendship … a friendship that gets out of hand over time.  Secrecy, deception of your partner, and varying or increasing forms of emotional betrayal often occur.  Here are nine signs that YOU are having an emotional affair. emotionalaffair

1)  Friendship is secret, or extent of the relationship is secret.
You either hide the relationship with your friend completely from your partner, or you hide how much or how often you communicate with your friend.  The deception is that your partner has no idea how close you are to this other person.

2)  Relationship where you wouldn’t feel comfortable with your partner knowing the details.
If you cringe at the thought of your partner discovering how close you are to this other person, how much you talk to them, how much you share – then you are definitely involved in an emotional affair.

3)  You hide or delete email messages or texts from this person.
Deleting or hiding emails, texts, or even voice communications from your friend means you are actively keeping your relationship a secret – and that is a clear sign that you are having an emotional affair.  Would not be any different if the affair was physical – the same deceptions would take place.

4)  You find yourself thinking more about your friend than your partner.
As you go through your typical day, it isn’t uncommon to daydream about someone you are involved with.  And if the person you are daydreaming about is your friend (and not your partner) then that means you are having an emotional affair.

5)  Important things are told to your friend before (or even instead of) your partner.
When something really great (or really bad) happens – who is it that you cannot wait to tell first?  The answer to that question shows who has your heart.

6)  You feel sexual tension around this person.
It’s not uncommon for emotional affairs to ultimately lead to physical affairs – and so if you find yourself becoming aroused around your friend, then that indicates your relationship is evolving (or devolving, depending on your point-of-view).

7)  You notice that you are losing sexual interest in your partner.
Diminished sexual interest in your partner means there is something going on that is taking your sexual energy into a different direction.  If you also notice yourself becoming aroused around your friend, then clearly your relationship with that person is evolving past an emotional affair.

8)  You spend less time with your partner, and more time either with your friend or communicating with your friend.
Your personal time investments say a lot about who has your heart.  If you are spending more time with your friend, and less time with your partner – then your emotional affair is growing.

9)  You notice your relationship with your friend gets weird at times.
If your friend does things to you or with you that no other friends ever would, then be careful.  There are a range of examples, but a few that come to mind are – maybe picking the lint or hair off of your clothes (while you are wearing the clothes).  Another example might be telling you things such as “I wish you were single”.  Another might be treating you as that person’s savior – like coming to you for “emergency emotional support” at an increasing rate, etc.

If any of these nine tips apply to you, then you are likely having an emotional affair.  The question to ask yourself is – now that you are aware of it, what are you going to do about it?

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.