Stalker Ex Drives Woman Crazy

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DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR: I love your website and I’m a woman! I was reading about the 14 Types of Women because my boyfriend says I’m high maintenance (Types of Women – High Maintenance). I didn’t understand what he meant because I am financially independent (software engineer, breed and race horses that win, professional musician). I guess I just don’t like it when he gets a little too lazy and forgets to date me. He gets comfortable and I do too but we can’t get too lazy and forget about having some fun and romance.
Anyway – I noticed you mentioned the red flag about women who ask men to drop their friends who are women. I asked my boyfriend to drop a friend. She was a “friend with benefits”, and has been in love with him for many years … following him around wherever his band played. She refused to acknowledge my existence whenever I was around, and it just pissed me off. I’m not an insecure woman, and it wasn’t jealousy. stalker

I just wanted to kick her ass for some reason. He told her repeatedly to quit all contact, but she continued. She claimed that she just wanted to be friends but I just wanted to kick her ass.

She’s now history, and I told him that I did him a favor by running her off. I think she might be that type of woman who has no self respect and will do anything to keep a man, no matter if she knows he’s using her. How about those types? Men being the dogs they are don’t seem to protest too much about these kinds of women.
My boyfriend is about to turn 50, and is slowly transitioning from biker/rock-and-roller to distinguished musician. He’s terribly attractive now to women like he never was before – only he doesn’t realize it. Wherever we go, I see women looking at him and trying to get his attention. I just hold onto his arm and smile lovingly at him. I don’t want to be one of those jealous types you mentioned (Types of Women – Jealous) but whenever these women make their moves, my inner bitch comes out (but never more than a cutting glance or head toss that only women get – goes right over men’s heads). Does that make me a jealous bitch?

If expecting my man to work a little to keep me interested, and being territorial over my man is bad, then I guess I’m just a crazy women (Women are Crazy)? Viki

MLB RESPONSE: Hi Viki – I’m glad you like It makes a tremendous difference to me personally when I receive positive feedback like yours! First of all – recognize that you are a “jackpot” (Type of Woman – Jackpot). You are a software engineer … and it sounds like you bring in the big bucks … which is excellent. MY POINT – don’t let any man interfere with your self-confidence. Women of your caliber are hard to find, and are very much sought after by those of us who are smart enough to know.

Next – the woman who won’t leave your boyfriend alone has “stalker” tendencies (Type of Woman – Stalker). She needs to be put in your boyfriend’s rearview mirror – and that is NOT an unreasonable request on your part … since they were “friends with benefits” at one time. You wanting him to put that woman behind him is not what I would call a unreasonably jealous behavior. It might be JUST A LITTLE jealous … but again, I don’t think what you are asking is at all unreasonable.

About you noticing random women who try to get the attention of your boyfriend – it is amusing that you want to “kick their ass”. The fact is, however, that this sort of thing is going to continue happening, and there really is very little you can do about it. If you act bitchy because of it, then that evokes kind of a negative karma aura around you … so my suggestion is that you attempt to take it in stride, almost like a compliment (since he is YOUR man).

Now I am a believer in fate and destiny … which means that if he does stray from you because of his looks improving, etc. … then that is simply something that is going to eventually happen anyway. My view is that all things (including relationships) have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Now that may be a bit of a dark point-of-view to share … but it makes me appreciate the things I have RIGHT NOW. And then later on, if things change, I make the necessary adjustments at that time. For example, in the past when I have been dumped or had to terminate a relationship … instead of getting overly depressed about it, I instead try to look forward to the next one. I remind myself of the glory of “new sex” and how hot that really is.

So to answer your question – you don’t strike me as being overly jealous, or crazy … perhaps just a little bit spirited which I think is fun, and is the opposite of boring ;o)


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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.