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DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR:  A business colleague gave me the email address and home phone number of a woman that is interested in dating. My business friend, Lori, knows the woman through a very good friend. Lori gave me the following info a few days ago; email address, phone number and told me to Google her name and a Facebook picture should come up.I am 48, what do I do? Do I wait about a week, send her a light hearted email, a Facebook message or call her to chat? I am interested but do not want to appear like a stalker. Please help!  Rob

MLB ANSWER: Hi Rob – you did not mention if this woman was given the “heads up” that you might be in touch with her … so I will go ahead and assume that Lori told her that you

have been given her contact info. This means that the clock is ticking, and you should probably make contact with her soon – else she may think you are either flakey or not all that interested. I would wait one or two days, then write her a short email that basically says,

“Hi – I’m Rob. Lori shared your contact info with me, and I think we should meet up sometime soon for a drink. I’ll call you later this week …

<insert your contact info here>”

Keep your note BRIEF. Make sure she can see what you look like (via your contact info from your facebook or other profile). If you don’t want to ask her to meet you for a “drink” then say “lunch”, or something non-threatening/easy. If it is already the weekend, then say “early next week” instead of “later this week” … the idea is that you are letting her know that you will be in touch with her in three or four days. [This also works out well because not everyone reads their email every single day.]

When you do call her – if you get her voicemail – be brief. Remind her of who you are, that Lori passed you her contact info., and that you sent her an email a few days ago … and to call you back.

If you do not get a call back, the leave her at most one more voicemail message … zero more emails. And if she does not respond, then she is not interested. If that happens, don’t worry – it means exactly nothing … you have to learn not to take dating rejection personally. What I describe above is EXACLTY what I would personally do.

Now if you struggle with this kind of stuff, you are not alone. Many men struggle – particularly if they have been out of the dating scene for a long time … maybe have recently divorced, etc. Be sure to check out the section here called Midlife Bachelor Personal Makeover – which will get you thinking about your appearance and attitude. There are also some good tips for moving forward to meeting the right woman in the Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success section. All of these and more can be found in Midlife Dating Advice. There is also an excellent Midlife Forum here where men and women can give you their opinions on this or other topics – so definitely check it out. Good luck!

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.