Give Hot-and-Cold Psycho Girlfriend the Boot

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My girlfriend of almost 6 years dumped me for the third time about six weeks ago. She has emotional problems, and often experiences “engulfment” and anxiety with regard to intimacy. I was so hurt, I sent her a civil letter addressing her intimacy issues. I never heard back from her. She is a therapist with Mom issues. We had this unbelievable chemistry together, but she would get scared after a hot night of sex or closeness and start distancing. The problem is, I fell so hard for this woman, and now it’s like our six years together never meant a thing. I know I should move on. She did the complete cut-off with me. I tried to get her to reconsider the next day following the breakup, but she just turned ice-cold and mute on the phone. I just don’t know if I can ever get her out of my heart or head. I am 53 and she is 55.  We are both very attractive,
give her ass the boot

intelligent professionals. I moved across town to be closer to her a few years ago. Every time I would bring up moving in together or marriage, she would change the subject, or flat out say that she is used to being alone. I have it in my head that I would like to stay friends with her, but I know if I heard her voice or saw her I would get sucked back into pining and longing for her. She has always done the “come here, go away” thing with me, but I know she loved me, or still loves me, but is BS-ing herself out of it … what do I do?


I see a fair number of situations somewhat similar to yours … and honestly, the best thing that I think you can do is to move on, and find someone new … someone who won’t pull the breakup-then-get-back-together stuff on you. There was recently another loosely-related Q&A here where I gave out similar advice:

ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR – End the Break Up then Get Back Together Cycle

It is clear that you do not deserve this type of treatment. SHE is the one with the issue – and you cannot change her. Your only other possible alternative is to accept this type of behavior, and let the cycle continue forever. I’d say pull the plug – because there are a lot of other very nice women out there, and you WILL find one with the same or even better sexual chemistry.

That is the best advice I can offer, based on what you’ve told me. You might also consider joining our Midlife Forum here on … where men and women our age discuss all sorts of dating- and relationship-related issues. Here is a URL to it:

The Midlife Forum on – Discuss Anything, Regret Nothing!

Good luck – let me know how it goes, okay?

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About the Author

Midlife Bachelor chronicles lifestyle, dating, and relationship experiences and advice to avoid a midlife crisis. Readers like you are often beyond young adulthood in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s that want to understand how dating, sex, relationships, and love fit in with our lifestyles.